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My boss just DOESN'T like me!

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Pearl Earring, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. Hi All,
    For a number of months my HOD and I haven't been seeing eye to eye. We rarely cross paths, which is unfortunate, but lately we did, and it's uncomfortable. I started with a few other female teachers of similar age to me, and we get played off eachother regularly. It's been awkward to a point, and I've felt pushed out and squashed due to some recent decisions, and decided to apply elsewhere.

    I told my HOD I had an interview somewhere else. She asked why, and I said I felt that climbing up the ladder here would be difficult. I said it was because of disagreements with SLT once or twice during my NQT year (these mere minor issues have NOTHING to do with it). I just didn't have the gut to say 'i think you don't like me, you favour other staff members,and you repeatedly put me down in subtle ways in front of people.

    I am just too tired to try with being nice, and hardworking, and supportive. I've been really good in my role, all my feedback from observations (either planned or unplanned) has been excellent since my time here, and never once has my HOD seen me teach. We rarely get praise or recognition as a group, and I dont mind that, but I couldn't understand how I was consistently doing a good job, and never hearing/seeing it from my HOD!

    Anyway, to cut the long story short, I was told by my HOD that 'I was doing the right thing, and if I were you, I'd do the same.' Her tone wasn't entirely friendly. The reaction upset me but I was calm and didn't say anything.

    Next day, the HEADMASTER hears I have an interview elsewhere, contacts my HOD and demands I come see him. He spends forty minutes heaping praise on me, even telling me positive things Ofsted reviewers had said off the cuff about me before- I had NO idea! How come it took this, to see how I was doing?

    I got offered a promotion, and I've stayed. The Headmaster and another SLT spoke to my HOD, and she asked me yesterday how my weekend went, and how my day went by the end. It is SO forced. It feels awful. Did I make the wrong decision by staying? I may have gotten recognition, I may now be getting included rather than pushed out, and I may have been made aware of what's on offer next year, but this HOD still does not like me, I'm still feeling awkward, and I have no idea if this animosity will lift. What did I do to create this? They are very very close with another peer who started at same time as me, and they're both actively sitting away from me any chance they get, and it's like Im back at school. It's so ridiculous!

    Just wish this had never happened, worried, despite the promotion, that I'm going to remain miserable.
    Help :(
     
  2. Hi All,
    For a number of months my HOD and I haven't been seeing eye to eye. We rarely cross paths, which is unfortunate, but lately we did, and it's uncomfortable. I started with a few other female teachers of similar age to me, and we get played off eachother regularly. It's been awkward to a point, and I've felt pushed out and squashed due to some recent decisions, and decided to apply elsewhere.

    I told my HOD I had an interview somewhere else. She asked why, and I said I felt that climbing up the ladder here would be difficult. I said it was because of disagreements with SLT once or twice during my NQT year (these mere minor issues have NOTHING to do with it). I just didn't have the gut to say 'i think you don't like me, you favour other staff members,and you repeatedly put me down in subtle ways in front of people.

    I am just too tired to try with being nice, and hardworking, and supportive. I've been really good in my role, all my feedback from observations (either planned or unplanned) has been excellent since my time here, and never once has my HOD seen me teach. We rarely get praise or recognition as a group, and I dont mind that, but I couldn't understand how I was consistently doing a good job, and never hearing/seeing it from my HOD!

    Anyway, to cut the long story short, I was told by my HOD that 'I was doing the right thing, and if I were you, I'd do the same.' Her tone wasn't entirely friendly. The reaction upset me but I was calm and didn't say anything.

    Next day, the HEADMASTER hears I have an interview elsewhere, contacts my HOD and demands I come see him. He spends forty minutes heaping praise on me, even telling me positive things Ofsted reviewers had said off the cuff about me before- I had NO idea! How come it took this, to see how I was doing?

    I got offered a promotion, and I've stayed. The Headmaster and another SLT spoke to my HOD, and she asked me yesterday how my weekend went, and how my day went by the end. It is SO forced. It feels awful. Did I make the wrong decision by staying? I may have gotten recognition, I may now be getting included rather than pushed out, and I may have been made aware of what's on offer next year, but this HOD still does not like me, I'm still feeling awkward, and I have no idea if this animosity will lift. What did I do to create this? They are very very close with another peer who started at same time as me, and they're both actively sitting away from me any chance they get, and it's like Im back at school. It's so ridiculous!

    Just wish this had never happened, worried, despite the promotion, that I'm going to remain miserable.
    Help :(
     
  3. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    It all sounds a storm in a teacup in the big wide world. You don't have to like people to work with them, and it seems you are doing so effectively so I really wouldn't fret about it. Resilience is the key I think, and being able to put a bubble around yourself when dealing with people you work with who you find personally quite difficult,.
     
  4. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Senior commenter

    And that can - and does - happen everywhere. It's irritating but that's life!
     
  5. spectra75

    spectra75 New commenter

    been through and going through this. we cannot change peoples behaviour but what we can control is our reaction to it. She's really not worth stressing over. Ignore her and keep up the good work.
     

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