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ms or mrs

Discussion in 'Personal' started by nizebaby, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    My new sister-in-law told me today that, if I insisted on being called ms, people would think I was unmarried and embarrassed to let it be known. I pointed out the obvious to her, that mr gives no hint of marital status, so women shouldn't have to state theirs. It cut no ice. In her view, mrs is superior to ms because it means you have caught your man. You can dress that up to mean you've made a commitment blah blah blah but we all know what it really means.

    I've been a proud ms all my adult life and have no intention of changing now.
  2. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    Good for you, Nizebaby. It's up to you to decide how you wish to be addressed,not your SiL.
  3. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    In some French-speaking countries the term mademoiselle (Miss) is officially banned. Adult females are all called madame.
    In France it is usually considered polite to call a young woman mademoiselle, and is taken as a compliment on youthful looks when a middle-aged women is called by the same title. In Canada it is apparently seen as offensive to use the term for a woman.
    Perhaps English speaking countries should follow the progression of males moving from Master to Mister and have Miss used just for girls.
    caress, monicabilongame and ajrowing like this.
  4. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    Here in Spain one hardly ever hears señor, señora or señorita in conversational use, though don and doña appear in official documents. The formal 'usted' is dying out in favour of 'tu'. A woman retains both her paternal and maternal surnames when she marries but is usually addressed by her first (given) name. Perhaps English speaking countries should drop the anachronisms and follow suit.
    ilovesooty and jubilee like this.
  5. rouxx

    rouxx Lead commenter

    At one school I worked in you could choose between Ms or Mrs. No option to choose Miss. Consequently, all (or at least most) of the married women chose Mrs and the unmarried had to use Ms. Sort of defeated the point of it. It also gave the impression that being unmarried was something to hide.

    On reflection, I should have asked to be referred to as Mrs (not married), just to prove a point.
  6. stanley4shoes

    stanley4shoes Occasional commenter

    I would have. What about the Drs?

    bet all the kids still called everyone’s “miss” though
    catbefriender, TheoGriff and Jamvic like this.
  7. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

    My great aunt, a doctor, was often assumed to be a man from her written name of Dr PC's relative.

    She was travelling once and had been allocated a room to share for the night under the usual assumption that she was a man. She'd been put in with a major. Who also turned out to be a woman.
  8. LondonCanary

    LondonCanary Star commenter

    I think Ms is preferable but a bit of an en empty gesture if you have changed your surname. .
    nizebaby likes this.
  9. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    How about Mx?
  10. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    Why not Miss? Why would anyone be "ashamed" to be unmarried? Why not be proud of it?
  11. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter


    I am married to HM. I go by "Miss".
  12. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    I find Ms extremely useful if I don’t know the status of a woman. Whoops if that causes offence.;)
    TheoGriff and Jamvic like this.
  13. grumbleweed

    grumbleweed Lead commenter

    I've also been a Ms for 28 years since I got married and didn't change my name. I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else thinks.
  14. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    I think what your new sister-in-law probably meant was:
    This is what I think about people who are called Ms because I am still living in the 19th century and all those years and battles for women’s equality and independence have been completely wasted on me”

  15. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter

    I’m happy to be Mrs. I’ve never liked Ms - horrible buzzing sound to it.
    I agree that both Miss and Ms should be replaced by Mrs for all adult women, in line with the use of Mr for all adult men. Absolutely no need to demonstrate ones marital status in ones title.
  16. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    I find this is happening now.
    I’m always referred to as Mrs as the default option anyway. (I don’t bother to correct unless it’s relevant to the context) If asked it’s Ms - not that I care- but I’m happy to support the diversity of choice for whom it matters.
    catbefriender, TheoGriff and Jamvic like this.
  17. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    @nizebaby Have you kept your surname. If so I might go with Ms. If you've taken your husband's surname I'd go with Mrs. I would probably just stay as Miss Ownname. But if you've ever been married before and have someone else's name anyway I might take my new husband's name.

    In other words, I'd just do what feels right and sod anyone else.
  18. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    I like being a Mrs but I think people should do whatever they want. I'm astonished that anyone would think it was somehow embarrassing not too be married. Give that sister in law a metaphorical slap!
    bonxie, freckle06 and Jamvic like this.
  19. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    When I was working and replying to correspondence from someone it was difficult to decide whether to use Mrs or Ms if there was just a name.

    I used to plump for Ms and hope that I didn’t offend them.
    catbefriender and Jamvic like this.
  20. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I would ignore your sister in law. You choose how you wish to be addressed.

    One school I worked in addressed male staff as ‘Sir’ and female staff as ‘Madam’. I see the logic, but it’s a bit clumsy.
    catbefriender and Jamvic like this.

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