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Moving Stress...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by surf kitty too, Dec 23, 2015.

  1. surf kitty too

    surf kitty too Occasional commenter

    I got divorced after about 18 years of marriage, bought my own place, lived on my own for a few years, then met OH five years ago. Rented out my place, moved into his. Sold mine. Bought a place together, but not quite sold his....

    So, final sale should complete early in New Year, in the meantime, have been gradually moving stuff to new house, decorating it etc. A few alterations have been made or started....

    So why the stress? In some ways, gradually moving has been a godsend, new place is only a mile or so away, so easy enough to load as much as the car can carry, dump it, come home, eat, sleep etc. BUT....new house is tiny. Two bedrooms (big garden though). Current moving out of house is 5 beds, garage, shed, loft full of junk. HIS JUNK.

    I have almost finished moving 'my' stuff.
    He has not even started sorting out any of 'his'. He has 30 years of junk accumulated. He is still under the illusion that A - it will all fit in new house, and B - it will miraculously find its own way there without him lifting a finger.

    Completion day will be interesting.....I have offered to get him a skip :mad:
    ScotSEN likes this.
  2. ninenotes

    ninenotes Senior commenter

    He wants you to do it.
  3. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    That'll be me soon. Same sort of problem except that, we have already been living off and on in new house and begun to fill the new house with similar junk to the old house. Ebay is so great for helping you do this.
    So combining two loads of junk.
    You could invite him to collect all the things that he wants - a couple of car loads. Then call in house clearance?
  4. eggyspice

    eggyspice Occasional commenter

    There can be emotional baggage with disposing of house-hold items. I've given a lot away recently to offspring, and I quite like it. Stop carrying all that stuff around. It's like stuff you wore in the 80's, tatty and damaged but still worth something to someone, and in a hundred years it will be an antique.
  5. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    I don't envy you.... sold my family home at auction...... had a house lined up to move into with the girls..... 4 bedroomed from 5 bedroomed, 2 kitchen, 4 reception + outbuildings etc. I then was gazumped/let down by the buyers 2 weeks before due completion! After pleading with ex and the auction buyer I got a month extra to try to sort things out. My mother's 1 1/2 bedroom bungalow became tenant free so had to plan 2 stage move..... large amount to storage and what we thought was needed for a 2/3/4 month who knows ......stay in the bungalow. I then had to house hunt (still working in a school too!)
    I just about managed to stay sane. Had to pay £10K more for another 4 bedroomed house.... (some + points on the one I was let down on and some -) Eventually moved in the August when the original auction was April! We coped. Think we used my own weight in boxes...... luckily I had help from Mr REMfan who having come from the USA didn't have vast amounts of stuff (He has made up for it since though!)
    Your OH will have to cope....or how will he take you "relieving him" of some of his stuff? He will have to tackle the loft surely as you can't possible shin up ladders now can you? Is there anyone else to help him? Is his reserve plan to leave it all for the incomers?
  6. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    My mother in law attempted to decant the contents of a large four bedroom house into a small two bedroom property. Two large removal vans arrived and after a short while, when it was obvious that four into two won't go, things came out of one van and straight into the other to be taken away again. She'd paid storage for them for ages as well.

    A skip is the way to go. The first things are tricky to let go of, but then you become gung ho and fling hints with abandon- or rather, he will!
  7. eggyspice

    eggyspice Occasional commenter

    Bat towers has had plenty of skips, but I have a "studio" over the new garage aka another bedroom, and a new extension. The Irish are out there now doing me proud ( and I am Irish), and we have been playing the Pouges and Dubliners at high volume. And making tea. In other words, I could accommodate all my kids, but I may choose not to. Nice to know they still have a choice though.
  8. surf kitty too

    surf kitty too Occasional commenter

    Nelly - I have suggested Ebay for months..... has he done anything? NO

    We (or rather he) has a massive dining table, seats 8, and a big display cabinet thingy. Old, brown, heavy. See loads on Ebay, £30 or not selling at all. No one likes them anymore (especially me!). He hasn't even listed it yet but is convinced he will get loads as it cost 'hundreds'. I bet he can't even give it away...It can stay at the moment as I need it Christmas Day....

    I am quite happy to throw stuff. I am of the 'if you haven't used it in a year, you don't need it' brigade.

    Unfortunately he prefers 'I might need it' and even keeps the empty boxes of things he no longer actually has.
  9. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    He just doesn't know where to start, does he? Ostrich syndrome? Or is he the type to procrastinate about everything?

    FiL has recently downsized from a 4 beds, 2 sheds, loft, 2 reception rooms house, to a one bedroomed flat with no garden nor outbuildings . . . . he did really well with the downsize and moved with only essentials: friends are family (aka magpies) were invited round to help themselves to things he didn't want (so Mr k made sure we now have lots more junk we don't need :(), he sold some stuff, skipped some, took some to charity shops and a few pieces of furniture were left behind in the house.

    Might a 4-fold process, like FiLs, be possible if you suggest it to him? You might just have to grab the bull by the horns and start doing it yourself . . .when things get underway, perhaps he will join in and take over.
  10. surf kitty too

    surf kitty too Occasional commenter

    Kibosh.... I would really like to start it...but that would entail throwing out everything and I don't think he would take too kindly to that!

    What is so frustrating is that I work full time teaching, so have to plan etc in evenings, but have managed to pack up a lot of stuff in my 'free time'. He does contract work, so was actually not even working from about May to start of October - but he did nothing! Was too busy 'going out on my bike'. Great :mad:

    He also managed to fit in a weeks skiing last week whilst I was obviously still at school, so I was moving stuff, sorting Christmas, looking after Dog, ferrying MiL to Doctors.....and he wonders why I am grumpy!!!
  11. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Hmm. Might a chat about 'priorities' and 'responsibilities' be required?
    smoothnewt likes this.
  12. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Ya THINK?

    Oh, dear. What will he do when the new family turns up with their stuff? Oops.:p
    ninenotes likes this.
  13. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter


    I mean, moving from a 5 bed to a 2 bed place is a big deal. Surely some quite significant discussion took place at the outset, along the lines of: "do you think you'll be able to handle getting rid of so much stuff?"
    How did he rationalise this aspect of the move, early on?
  14. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter


    He'll probably need a bigger one. Or two.
  15. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Start talking about renting a storage unit. Get quotes for storage and quotes from a removal company to pick the "extra" stuff up and store it. Ask him to decide what's going to the unit and stand with coloured stickers in your hand to identify it to the removal man.
    Dragonlady30 and monicabilongame like this.
  16. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    Give the poor man some peace.
    kibosh likes this.
  17. surf kitty too

    surf kitty too Occasional commenter


    OH returned from his skiing trip on the Saturday before Christmas with broken ribs. So, no lifting, bending, or anything :mad:

    More stress!!!:mad::mad::mad:
  18. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Och, that's a rubbish state of affairs. But does it not now give you free rein to organise things?
    A 'Well now that you are incapacitated, I'm going to have to deal with it all, so let's start with hiring a skip . . . . '.
  19. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Oh, well. His bank balance is going to take a hit when you hire house-clearance people, storage unit people and movers. He should have done a better job of it.
    bombaysapphire likes this.
  20. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    I like old wooden furniture, knock it all flat and use it for all kinds of stuff around the garden, making compost bins, boarding the garage "loft", making a wood store, all kinds of projects around the house. if it builds up too far it gets chopped up for kindling for the wood burner.

    Also allows for sorting into 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th best wood piles.

    There's always the possibility of you hiding stuff for a while then dumping it when he's not looking, things can get broken during moves too and not be worth keeping - so I hear.

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