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Moving away for career?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by opal_, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. Dear all, hope you can help! I am currently working as a primary teacher in a very tough school in Yorkshire. I have only been qualified since July 2010 so came as an nqt when the school was put into special measures. The school is still in the category and we are under immense pressure from the LA, ofsted and management. All the staff are feeling the strain and there is a very negative atmosphere. I would like to start a fresh and have begun looking at jobs all around the country and in particular private schools. My boyfriend lives in the next City from mine and has said that if I want to move further away our relationship is over because he cannot cope with a longer distance than we already have to travel to see each other. I have said I am only looking at this stage and that does not guarantee getting a job or where it'll be but he has said this is selfish and I'll just be putting him through agony until I finally go. I know I am lucky to have a job currently and know how tricky it is to get a new job at the moment so don't think it's worth worrying about yet but he wants to break up simply because I'm considering going further afield. Thoughts please?
     
  2. Dear all, hope you can help! I am currently working as a primary teacher in a very tough school in Yorkshire. I have only been qualified since July 2010 so came as an nqt when the school was put into special measures. The school is still in the category and we are under immense pressure from the LA, ofsted and management. All the staff are feeling the strain and there is a very negative atmosphere. I would like to start a fresh and have begun looking at jobs all around the country and in particular private schools. My boyfriend lives in the next City from mine and has said that if I want to move further away our relationship is over because he cannot cope with a longer distance than we already have to travel to see each other. I have said I am only looking at this stage and that does not guarantee getting a job or where it'll be but he has said this is selfish and I'll just be putting him through agony until I finally go. I know I am lucky to have a job currently and know how tricky it is to get a new job at the moment so don't think it's worth worrying about yet but he wants to break up simply because I'm considering going further afield. Thoughts please?
     
  3. Dump him!
    He wants you to stay in a school in SM where you are unhappy and under constant stress for him.
    ~That is not love imho.
    Id dump him; move away, find a nice happier place to work and start over.
    FWIW
     
  4. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Lead commenter

    Oh dear ...
     
  5. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    I think it depends on exactly how far you mean by looking further afield.
    If you mean somewhere where you'd probably only get to see each other at weekends (but every weekend) then maybe it would be worht the sacrifice for a while and if he would rather you continued in your unhappy job then maybe he's not the one for you.
    if on the other hand you mean moving so far away that you wouldn't even get to see each other every weekend then maybe you're not the one for him.....
     
  6. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    Put the job first.
    The quality of 60+ hrs a week is much more important than a few spent with some bloke that can't be *****.

     
  7. Lots of couples successfully manage long distance relationships but it takes a lot of commitment from both of them.
    Only you can make this decision about whether you are willing to risk sacrificing your relationship. You alone know whether your partners ultimatum is a real threat or he is trying to force your hand.
    If you are really unhappy you must start to look around before this job takes away your energy and enthusiasm. With jobs as difficult to come by as they currently are you need to think about casting your net as far as you can in your job search.
    It is time for a discussion with your partner about whether you are both ready for a long term commitment to each other - long distance or not. Don't waste your own life and opportunities if this is not a relationship that is going to stand the test of time.
     
  8. How would you feel if it was him moving away? Its probably worth exploring your feelings this way...

     
  9. Thanks everyone for the advice. Sadly we broke up which I'm cut up about but he just couldn't cope with me wanting to go far and I had to stand by the decision to go where the job takes me :(
     
  10. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    He doesn't sound much of a loss if he was prepared to see you continually unhappy at work and use emotional blackmail.
     
  11. acertainsomething

    acertainsomething Occasional commenter


    Can you actually say anything else (I guess this response doesn't even raise a smile now)

     
  12. I'm sorry that you broke up and you now have this on your shoulders as well as not liking your job. However, I agree with most that if he was kicking up a stink at the thought of you finding a new job then he isn't worth the bother. You were only LOOKING at jobs after all and hadn't agreed anything. You may have even found something nearer to him but he threw his toys out the pram anyway. And agreed also with others that he'd rather you be unhappy in work. Not exactly a supportive relationship. If he was finding the current distance a strain and this is his reasoning for not wanting you to move further away, I translate this into 'Too much effort' on his half. So not worth it. Good luck job hunting.
     
  13. polly.glot

    polly.glot New commenter

    I'm so sorry that you are so unhappy my dear. But he's not worth the snot off your hanky. If he really loved you, he would be thinking of your health and well-being, not his precious feelings. When I was ill from the stress of my job, and wanted to move away, Mr G ditched his job in a heartbeat to support me. You have done the right thing, and if I were you, I'd get right out of it and find a school where you will be happy. A happy woman is an attractive one - you will find another bloke - if that's what you want, of course!
    Take care. Kia kaha.
    x
     
  14. Thank you so much for your support everyone. I feel like although it's hard I have made the right decision. I feel like I've hard a big virtual hug and your words are a great comfort.
     
  15. polly.glot

    polly.glot New commenter

    Listen to your inner voice - it's invariably right.
    Sleep well and look after yourself
    x
     
  16. acertainsomething

    acertainsomething Occasional commenter


    At 6 minutes past 3 you were thinking about it and a few hours later the split was finalised. It doesn't tend to work out like that normally.
     
  17. It sounded like there had been a few discussions before the thread started. Hating your work and knowing that it's not going to change in the near future is awful. Good luck in finding a new job.
     

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