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Miscarriage - time off?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by BirdBath, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. Hi
    Following a scan I found out today that baby stopped growing at about 7 weeks. i am 9.5 weeks. I am having a D&C probably next Weds.. needless to say I am very upset. I don't think I can teach this week knowing a) what's going on inside me and b) what awaits me next week. I had a missed miscarriage last June and put a very brave face on things, told no-one, actually hosted a BBQ the day before that D&C. And I really think this attitude did me no favours. I feel the need to fall apart and grieve over both these miscarriages. I am however a secondary NQT in a demanding school (high standards) still trying to feel my way in terms of how schools operate and with few credits in the goodwill bank so to speak. I have got a much-awaited year 11 parent's evening tomorrow night and I really don't want to get behind with my classes. However right now I can see myself just crumpling in front of a class or a parent. I would appreciate if more experienced teachers could advise me on what to do. I have provisionally told my HoD yesterday (scan was today) that i wouldn't be in this week. I need to email him this evening. Clearly, I this week I can prepare lessons for my classes but next week I am going to have had a general anaesthetic etc. and can't see me able to do much. This is such a **** situation.
    Thanks for listening and all advice appreciated
    BirdBath
     
  2. Hi
    Following a scan I found out today that baby stopped growing at about 7 weeks. i am 9.5 weeks. I am having a D&C probably next Weds.. needless to say I am very upset. I don't think I can teach this week knowing a) what's going on inside me and b) what awaits me next week. I had a missed miscarriage last June and put a very brave face on things, told no-one, actually hosted a BBQ the day before that D&C. And I really think this attitude did me no favours. I feel the need to fall apart and grieve over both these miscarriages. I am however a secondary NQT in a demanding school (high standards) still trying to feel my way in terms of how schools operate and with few credits in the goodwill bank so to speak. I have got a much-awaited year 11 parent's evening tomorrow night and I really don't want to get behind with my classes. However right now I can see myself just crumpling in front of a class or a parent. I would appreciate if more experienced teachers could advise me on what to do. I have provisionally told my HoD yesterday (scan was today) that i wouldn't be in this week. I need to email him this evening. Clearly, I this week I can prepare lessons for my classes but next week I am going to have had a general anaesthetic etc. and can't see me able to do much. This is such a **** situation.
    Thanks for listening and all advice appreciated
    BirdBath
     
  3. I think my advice will be pretty much the same as everyone else: but take time off. You need it. Your body and mind will have been through a lot.
    Listen to your body, your mind and rest- you may find counselling helps, but you ned time to cry, to grieve and to prepare for your D&C. I think, maybe, what happened a year ago is catching up on you- and both losses are hitting at once.

    E mail your HOD and tell them excatly how you feel, how sad you are, how you can't cope at the moment. It is natural to feel like this but it is important to recognise how you feel. Take as much time as you need. Your school should understand but your mental health is most important at the moment. Everything else can wait. Do not force yourself to carry on, stop and try to come to terms with this.

    Take care.
     
  4. I am a HOD and had 3 mc's last year. Two of which were in school time. Both times I had 3 weeks off, first for medical management to deliver my baby and second time for Dand c. The school were brilliant and I was given a phased return the last time. I missed lots of important stuff, parents nights etc but at the end of the day they will get on with it while you are not there. Your health is more important and if you don't take time now you will needmore later.

    Speak to your HOD, and I am sure they will understand. We are all human after all. Most importantly, stop worrying about school and focus on yourself. I would say you will need at least this week and next and probably more.

    Take very good care xxx
     
  5. you poor thing. your school will continue without you, and they wont ever thank you for struggling in and coping - whether you hold it together or not. take all the time you need, get yourself signed off by a doctor and put yourself first. x
     
  6. Take the time off. I didn't and really regret it as I couldn't cope and it resulted in bigger problems with my classes than the time off would have.

    You need it. Look after yourself.
     
  7. Sod school. It doesn't matter. You have as much time off as you need. I had four weeks and a four week phased return with my first, and that wasn't long enough. Three weeks with my second and a week with my first.
    It's you who's important, look after yourself, be kind to yourself, take time to grieve and to recover. xxx
     
  8. As everyone has said, take time to recover. I have been in exactly the same position and you need to put yourself first. School will still be there when you are ready to return and I think you will find the majority of staff very sympathetic.

    Take care x
     
  9. Thank you for your advice everyone.
    I am lurching between feeling fine to being in tears at about half hourly intervals. Have emailed my HoD to tell him I am off this week and next. I will review things next week when I see how I feel after the op. I am trying to prepare cover for all my classes this week. This in itself is exhausting, I keep thinking it would be easier to go in and deliver the lessons but I don't think I could trust myself to keep it together atm.
    As a newbie to school life, another query ... do I have to inforrm the Head at all? Or deputy?
     
  10. Hi Birdbath
    As others have said you need the time - teaching is a very demanding job in these circumstances, and people at school will be sympathetic if you tell them.
    Your school will have an absence policy, but it is common practice to inform the person responsible for booking/arranging cover (often a deputy head in secondary). If you do not feel up to it perhaps your OH could ring them. As a HoD I have occasionally informed the deputy on behalf of a member of staff when the circumstances called for it, so if you feel more comfortable talking to them you could ask them to inform who-ever needs to know on your behalf.
    You will need to get a 'fit note' if you miss more than 5 days of school, so book a GP's appt for later this week to cover you for the following week and whatever time you might need beyond that.
     
  11. Birdbath,
    I am sorry for your loss. I don't know if you are teaching in England but if you are, and you are an NQT you are 'allowed' to have 29 days off sick before it impacts on your induction. I personally would inform head and also would inform your NQT induction manager. Put yourself first and if induction has to be extended by a short period then so be it. It's not the end of the world. Wishing you all the best.
     
  12. Hi
    Just had exactly the same thing happen to me. Went for a scan yesterday at 13 weeks to be told my baby had died at about 9. I'm going to down the medical route rather than the D and C route, a process which will start today and I'm dreading. You need to take time off to heal emotionally as well as physically. I certainly dont think I'll be in work next week. Luckily my HOD has had similar experiences and is being fantastic. I know this is not always the case. Hope everything goes OK for you.
    Hugs
    DD
    xx
     

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