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Miscarriage at 18 weeks

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by NEWPOET, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. I lost my baby on Tuesday. I was 18 weeks. I've decided that I need routine and I want I'm going to go back to work on Monday. I don't know how I'm going to face everyone though. I feel so guilty.
  2. I lost my baby on Tuesday. I was 18 weeks. I've decided that I need routine and I want I'm going to go back to work on Monday. I don't know how I'm going to face everyone though. I feel so guilty.
  3. So, so sorry to hear that. There is absolutely nothing to feel so guilty about. Actually following through with a pregnancy is so hard which is why all mums-to-be worry all the time as it could happen any time now. Why do you feel so guilty?
    If routine is what you need, then go for it. If you're not ready to go back to work, don't. They will all understand. It's only been a few days, it seems so early, but you know yourself better. All I'm saying is that you have that time if you need it so perhaps you should take it.
    Please take care of yourself. Big hugs to you xxx
  4. I'm so sorry to hear your news.
    If you rwally feel that you want the routine of being in work, ask your HT or HoD if you could be off timetable, but come in and do planning/marking, etc. That way, you've got soemthing to take your mind off it, but also you're not suddenly in front of class feeling very vulnerable and upset.
    I do think you should have some more time before going back to work, but if you feel this is what is best, then ask.
  5. I am so sorry to hear about you and your baby - i cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.
    As a previous poster said, maybe see about going in and doing admin as oppose to teaching - just so you can be in school with the routine and 'test' yourself within the environment without having to worry about the pupils.
    Please do not feel guilty - you have done nothing wrong. Please ensure that if you have not already done so, you seek some help from a counsellor or similar - for you and your partner.
    I wish you all the best
  6. I am so so sorry for your loss.
    Do not feel guilty - see how Monday goes but do not feel guilty if you feel you need more time off, such a hard thing to come to terms with. Be kindu to yourself x
    Keep posting- x
    there will be some hard times to come. You need some support- counselling may be an option
  7. Can you try to explain why you feel guilty newpoet?
  8. I just feel as though I must have done something wrong for this to happen.

    Thank you all so much for your replies. You are all so caring.
    It doesn't feel as though it's sunk in. It doesn't feel real. I was feeling my baby moving on Tuesday and no he's gone. I want to feel something other than numb.
    I've not seen or spoken to anyone except from my partner since coming out of hospital. I just feel ashamed that this has happened. The longer I leave it the harder it's going to be to face people. I know that my classes at school have been told but it's going to be so difficult tomorrow. Working in a school is difficult and I don't want to be a burden on my colleagues/friends.
    I don't want to face this I don't want to be here.

  9. You haven't done anything wrong. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
    Please reconsider work tomorrow. i would urge you to go back to your GP in the mornnig and forget about work for a while. Tell them what you have told us. it is perfectly natural to feel desperate and hopeless right now but you don't have to do it on your own.
    Sending you an enormous hug. i'm so so sorry x
  10. I meant tell your GP not tell your work.
    How is your OH coping?
  11. I'd just like to echo what others have said. You need to take it one day at a time and THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT you have nothing to feel guilty about. As ladymarm says perhaps reconsider work tomorrow and please keep on talking on here (if you feel ready) there are many of us who have been through similar things. Massive hugs. T xxx
  12. Newpoet, you really must realise and believe that you did nothing wrong at all. It is so cruel that this has happened, particularly at 18 weeks. I just can't imagine how you must be feeling and my heart goes out to you and your partner.
    I don't want to appear harsh or a a bully, but please, please, please do not go into work tomorrow. I beg of you that you take ladymarm and torri's advice. I think you need to get help from GP and you need to talk about it with others before you should even think of going back to work. There are so many more things that are important in life than work, and at the top is your mental and physical well-being. If you don't take the time to grieve now I think you may regret it and it may come back worse later (and then you may be forced to have lots of time off work). I have heard many stories where people have gone back too soon and regretted it later.
    Think if this was someone else this was happening to - would you not be telling them what I am telling you? If so, take your own advice. S*d work, look after you. Cry, scream, punch something - just confront it in whatever way you need to but don't bury your head in work as long-term it won't work.
    I wish I could give you a big hug - getting all weepy thinking about you. Keep posting and keep sharing - we are all here for youxxxx
  13. I can't help but think it is my fault. I was meant to protect my baby and I didn't.
    I've told my HOD that I'll be tomorrow and I can't let them down. The department is under a lot of pressure already and I feel that I'm just adding to it.
    I really appreciate your kind words, they mean so much.
    My OH is being lovely but I can't help but feel responsible and I think he should blame me. I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm not sure I can fight.
  14. Newpoet, I really don't think you can go in tomorrow. So what, you told them you would be in and then you tell them that you can't - that is not letting them down that is being honest. I really think you need to consider yourself and stop thinking of others. You have suffered a huge loss and if other people don't recognise this and sympathise then they must have a heart of stone (and those sorts of people need to be avoided).
    If you had a friend in this position would you not be telling them to stay at home? Would you believe that losing their baby was their fault? Or would you think what a terrible thing to happen and want them to look after themselves. Your OH does not blame you at all - no-one does. You are looking for answers to understand your loss but putting the blame on you is not the answer. You have to accept (as hard as it is) that there is no reason and that these things just happen. You could not have prevented this from happening.
    Please take time off work. Your HOD will understand. You don't need to / and should not fight - you need to give in to your feelings and look after yourself.
    Love to you
  15. Newpoet as missimpatient has said do not feel bad about work-if you don't want to phone get OH to do it for you. YOU are much more important than work and no one will be thinking bad of you-in fact the complete opposite. You have to speak through your feelings with someone-whether OH, GP or even a close friend. This has not been your fault it is so difficult to not have a reason for this awful thing happening but as others have said unfortunately there are no reasons sometimes.

    I speak from experience as I went back way too soon after a miscarriage (although was not as far on as you so have no idea how much you must be hurting) and it meant I was just surviving at work for a long time when if I had taken more time I might have recovered quicker.

    Love & many many hugs.

    T xx
  16. Don't go in tomorrow- your mind and your body have been through such an incredible trauma, you need to rest and get yourself well enough to work. I really don't think you are well enough to teach.

    It is not your fault- it is a terrible, cruel thing to happenbthe UK, 17 babies are born sleeping daily and there is nothing that could have been done, you can not blame yourself.

    Take the time off work- your department will all be so sympathetic and they will manage without you.
  17. I think you have to do what's right for you and only you know that. Without wishing to be too controversial, as I know you have had a lot of excellent advice here, when I had a miscarriage earlier in the year I did go into school. Not because I felt guilty about school but because it really helped me to have something else to focus on and it helped me get through the days/weeks. That was a really personal choice though and it's all about what is right for the individual. Some days were really hard but in some respects the kids really helped (not that they knew) but you know what they are like.
    Thinking of you.
  18. I also went back to school straight after a miscarriage, the day after. I was a wreck in all ways but having someone else to focus on kept me sane. When you're teaching you do forget stuff and can function in a way you might not be able to if you were sat at home with your painful thoughts. You might find though that you deal with it in a long drawn out way and the grief hits hard later on. I got some counselling a year after it happened. You will get through this. You did nothing wrong. For whatever reason your baby had its life, it was only a short one but it would have ended then whether you'd sat with your feet up or gone trekking through mountains. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. I'm so sad for you. x
  19. This sounds like good advice. I'm really sad for you too newpoet- look after yourself and do whatever you need to do. Whatever you do don't blame yourself. I know it's easy to say but you didn't do anything wrong. i can't even imagine how painful this must be for you :-(( x
  20. You are all so patient with me - thank you.
    I feel so anxious about having to go to work tomorrow but I need something constant to hold on to.
    Gosh I feel so low.

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