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Middle manager

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by thekillers, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. thekillers

    thekillers Established commenter

    I feel at times the middle manager is more chatty and friendlier with other coworkers rather than me. I seem to be fine in terms of meeting expected standards, yet this individual seems to more social with some other teachers more than me, especially in the morning. I think a group of them are going out for a meal, although I'm uninvited. I know that I'm sensitive and tired, so this is a factor. We're friends on social media (actually, she tags me in a number of things). Maybe my face doesn't fit in? I don't know...

    Have a good Friday,

    TKx
     
    pepper5 likes this.
  2. MrsArmitage

    MrsArmitage Occasional commenter

    You're not alone with this - my HOF will go for weeks without talking to me, despite the him and the rest of the faculty all socialising together. Sometimes you just have to act like you don't care, or it doesn't bother you.
     
    Laphroig, thekillers and sabrinakat like this.
  3. thekillers

    thekillers Established commenter

    Good point. I mean, there’s no concern about my books, planning or display - I felt a little pushed to the side socially. Thank you x
     
  4. Pomz

    Pomz Lead commenter

    I wouldn't worry about it. If you have a good professional relationship, that's enough.

    Friendship/social groups naturally evolve in all environments. Some you will be involved in, others less so..

    Be pleased that things are going well for in relation to your job and don't get hung-up on who 'tags' who on social media.
     
  5. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Maybe you're not a morning person?

    Which is more upsetting?

    That you weren't asked and feel miffed or that you really wanted to go out because you have nothing else to do?

    Bribe them. Take in doughnuts or biscuits. Pretend they were on special offer and you couldn't resist. Be very casual about it.
     
  6. thekillers

    thekillers Established commenter

    Actually, I’ve had followed this advice too and felt better; yes, I’m pleased work is okay at the moment (need to keep on working hard). Thank you x
     
    Pomz likes this.
  7. thekillers

    thekillers Established commenter

    Miffed that I could have not been asked (that’s me acting like a child!). Also, the year group has a high number of challenges, so that’s a consideration in terms of everyone’s - including mine - behaviour. Thanks again x
     
  8. modgepodge

    modgepodge Occasional commenter

    This is horrible. I hate feeling left out. I’ll never forget, about 6 weeks in to a new job, walking in to a restaurant with my husband on a Friday night to see the other 3 members of my team having dinner together. It was embarrassing for all involved.

    Not sure what to suggest. Are you new? When I was a middle manager I had specific friends within the school who I saw outside work, but If was doing something with a couple of members of my team, I’d have invited everyone to ensure people didn’t feel left out.
     
  9. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    No one likes being left out. They are paying you though. A wise and kind head teacher once said to me "Not everyone likes you lindenlea!" and actually if you can really accept that it is absolutely liberating. Have a nice weekend - do something that you will enjoy and go in to work with a smile, they might come round or they might not - if not, it's their loss.
     
  10. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    lindenlea

    Thank you for passing on the kind and wise words of your former head teacher - it is liberating.
     
  11. alexanderosman

    alexanderosman Occasional commenter

    I’ve had this recently but the other way round - since becoming a manager people only come to me for help with their work and don’t ask me to socialise outside school unless it’s a whole staff event. I’ve found it quite hard to adjust to.
    I do think a whole team going out without just one person is a slightly different situation to not everyone liking you - if that was children I’d consider it bullying. If they’re the kind of people who are so inconsiderate they would do that though, they’re probably not worth being friends with.
     
    elder_cat, Pomz and pepper5 like this.
  12. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Exactly alex. If they are the sort of people who are so inconsiderate, they are not worth being friends with.
     
  13. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    Maybe the tagging is an attempt to be friends and they're waiting for you to make the next move...
     
    Sanz1981 likes this.
  14. Tinycat1234

    Tinycat1234 Occasional commenter

    It never feels good but rising above it and going in happy and chatty on Monday is the best idea. Carry on being open to invitations and allowing people to be your friend and be yourself.
     
    pepper5 likes this.
  15. elder_cat

    elder_cat Occasional commenter

    Not being part of the inner circle's social scene never upset me that much. But I was put out by the fact that certain people always somehow got a chun of department funds, yet there never seemed to be any available for the things which I needed to run my units.:(
     
  16. Sanz1981

    Sanz1981 New commenter

    I don't go to teach to make friends. Professional relationship is fine. I don't want to know latest gossip, esp In a full woman department.
     
    thekillers likes this.

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