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meeting people for dating?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by nemmanoo, Aug 22, 2011.

  1. Hi guys,
    Does anyone have any advice about how to meet men relationship-wise? I'm in a massive rut and totally fed up.
    Last year was my NQT year and I pretty much worked non-stop... but I am determined to have a life this year! Have been single for a while (mid-20s) and kind of exhausted the whole friends-of-friends deal. Not much for going out to bars every night waiting for drunk men to hit on me (I'm marking, haha!) but don't really know how else to meet some guys.
    Any advice? Lots of my friends are getting married etc. and I feel like a permanent singleton :(

  2. Not trying to sound difficult, but can you explain to me why you WANT to meet a partner. I'm afraid I've just never understood how living in a couple can be better than being single. I'm sure money is easier, if both work, but I just don't get how the loss of space and freedom would make it worth it. I have asked friends occasionally, but they have just seemed to feel that it is so self evident that everyone should want to be in a relationship that there are no words to explain why. Seriously, if anyone can enlighten me on this, I would be very grateful. It has puzzled me all my life.
  3. If you are that keen to get out there and get dating then join some dating agencies online.
    Don't come across to desperate though, as it isn't an attractive quality. What is wrong with just going out and enjoying life? Who knows who you could meet while you are out there.
  4. To the OP I would suggest join clubs, meet up groups and do internet dating. These are all things which will get you out and about and hopefully meeting someone nice - friends as well as partners.
    crabapple I kind of understand your point; I think a partner does not have to be a live in person - I would argue that for me the better partnership is one where each person has their own space and can come together for company, support, fun and sex when it suits. Ideally they would live in two different houses but still be a "unit."

  5. That does make more sense to me
  6. Thanks for all the suggestions!
    crabapple, I totally see your point and a year ago I would have said the same thing. But I've been single for a couple of years now (give or take a few dates) and I feel quite lonely. It's got nothing to do with money or peer pressure or anything like that, it's mostly that I miss (like lillipad says!) someone to talk to and cuddle with. I miss affection.
    Thanks lillipad, that makes me feel a lot better [​IMG] I was previously very just "get on with it and I'm sure I'll meet someone" but I think I have to be a bit more proactive! It doesn't help that when I go out, all my friends are coupled up and so we end up only talking to each other...
    re: internet dating. My current idea of that = sifting through many creeps to find nice guys? Is that a naive way to think of it? Has anyone had any good experiences with it?

  7. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    I met my ex on an internet site, I thought it was a chat room site and turned out that despite it saying you could just 'chat' it was a dating site. I was single and fed up so I thought 'why not' and made a profile.
    We were together just shy of 18months and I had a great time with him, he got on with my friends and we went all over the place on little trips and stuff. We did split up in the end, when I found out he had been lying about money issues and his debt but he was not a creep.
    My friend currently lives with someone she met online and they seem very happy, she did have her fair share of oddbods though.
    I think it is possible to meet people online, you just have to try to keep an eye out for the weirdos! No harm in trying though.

  8. You just have to keep an open mind and have your wits about you. No different to meeting someone anywhere else!
    I met OH online and we are very happy together.
  9. Internet dating can work, but from my friends experiences I'd say it's a bit of pot luck.The ones where you make a detailed profile like matchaffinity seem better, but even so, you are just as likely to hit it off or not with someone you meet on line, as you are with someone you meet at the bus stop. The difference is of course, you can meet 100x more people on line
  10. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Meeting people who could turn out to be partners (or whatever you care to call them) is always potluck whatever method you use or however you meet them.
    We had dinner at the weekend with a couple who met on match.com and are getting married in May. They are both in their 40s and both felt that the chance to meet and marry someone had passed them by - neither was really looking for anything more than a nice friendship with someone they could go out to dinner with or on holiday with. Both say it wasn't that difficult to sort the "wheat" from the "chaff".
  11. I have enjoyed internet dating!
    Like others have said, no different from meeting any other way except that you are more proactive I guess, rather than leaving it to chance. I had dated this way for quite a number of years. I had some lovely dates and even if that spark isn't there, I've always had an enjoyable evening. I think sometimes people get downhearted and say it doesn't work because they don't meet that special someone straight away. I always had the attitude that a date was a nice way to socialise and I had great fun on and off for quite a few years. Looking back, it also made me much more confident in talking to people and I got to try things that I hadn't done before. Some of my first dates included caving, a climbing wall and kite flying!! Had a fabulous time!
    Finally, after lots of first dates, a few short term relationships and a long term relationship, I met a very nice man (actually I was his first internet date) and we really hit it off! Been together for almost three years now and still get that butterflies in the stomach feeling when I'm with him (and I'm not even the soppy type)! Very unlikely we would have met any other way, different jobs, he lived quite a distance from me and we're not likely to found in clubs/bars/pubs.
    My advice is to sign up to a few dating sites but without high expectations. Just enjoy the process, even the dates where it is obvious there won't be a second are quite enertaining... I had a great time being single, just getting out there and socialising [​IMG]
  12. Oh... and remember you have to meet a lot of toads before you find your prince!! All very good fun though and the real idiots tend to stand out a mile anyway!!
  13. I'm another advocate for online dating.

    I used to work as a journalist and had to do an article on online dating. I was single at the time (and living in London which helped - lots more people to meet in the bigger cities) and loved it! Made some great friends and had 2 long term relationships as a result of it in the end.

    The person I have been with most recently, I met through a forum a bit like this...

    So who knows what might happen... keep posting!
  14. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    As I said, it did take a while to sift through them and the one that I did find, I wasn't expecting to find! But it did work for me. I also have a friend who is marrying her partner of 5 years in 2 weeks and they met via an internet dating site. As PFF said, just keep your wits about you. You soon find out if they are a bit wierd.
  15. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    i have a friend who's just married someone she met on a music forum. they've been very close for years and finally got it together a couple of years ago - he lives in texas so it was a bit difficult. not any more! she's as happy as larry.
  16. sorry is this a veiled way of getting someone to ask you out on TES?

  17. Haha...
    I never considered using the TES for dating, not sure I'd like to date someone who works in a school, my holidays are mine, not to be shared.
    'Plenty of Fish' is a good site. Free as well which can also be a downafall as you have to wade through a lot of timewasters... but plenty of 'fish' to choose from....
    Happy fishing!! [​IMG]
  18. Hello!

    I just wanted to throw my twopence worth in. I met my fiance on the internet. It has been wonderful and I definitely would never have met him in normal circumstances. I used my single friend. I liked that you had to be recommended by a friend, as it suggested that potential dates had at least one. You do have to be very proactive though, not afraid to send the first email that sort of thing. Dating is lots of fun, and at the very least if it goes badly you have a great story to regale colleagues with.

    Good Luck!
  19. Thanks for all replies [​IMG] appreciated.
    It's nice to hear positive comments about internet dating, might think about it when I'm brave enough! Plus just people saying positive things makes me feel a bit more hopeful [​IMG]
    (and er, no, this is not a fishing-for-a-date situation lol. I honestly wanted advice!) x
  20. I know of 3 couples who met on Tes and are now married!

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