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Low low low

Discussion in 'Personal' started by guitarplayer, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    I've been in school all day Mon Tue and today - got in at 9 and left at 7.30 today
    So yes I'm occupying my time and getting a lot done and acheiving bits day to day
    It seems I can do it for everyone else but never for me

  2. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    Feeling better today - spent 12 hours in school (saddo!) but got loads done.

    Roll on a sunny friday!
  3. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    Well that good feeling didn't last long.
    You know what - I am an idiot.
    There's a Friendship thread on here somewhere discussing the colleague/friend thing.
    Well I'm an idiot.
    I thought I had friends
    I have/ had colleagues.
    One in particular - but no
    Very diappointing
    And I'm back where I definitely have no friends - some good colleagues - have some good chats - some laughs - but actually - they don't care.
    I do
    That's what makes me a fool

    And do know what's really pathetic - I sound like a kid on the playground - and I'm a grown-up.
    What an idiot.

    Time to put the shell back on methinks - time to stop caring!!
    It's just too hard.

  4. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    Eventually described exactly how I'm feeling to O/H who is so understanding .
    She reckons I'm not well.
    On the verge of a depression again.
    And that's helped.
    I'm not just low, I'm not well.

    Which is why I can't get a grip, can't find anything to cheer me up.
    But I feel better just knowing that.
    And knowing that by managing it properly it will pass.

    So I'm allowed to cry and feel sad - it's not weak and pathetic.
    It's everything together.

    This awfulness clammy shredded black hand that's gripping my mind and fogging my vision will pass.
    O/H is very wonderful.

    Glimmers of light -
    Long up n down road now - but I'll get there.
    Thanks for you posts

    Needless to say I'm new on here because I'm old on here and wanted to post but without folk knowing who.

    Thank u

  5. Really glad you've had some support and can see a way forward. Nobody chooses to be depressed.
    PM me if you like.
  6. DM

    DM New commenter

    Sorry to hear you are in a bad place gp. Keep your pecker up.
  7. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    So - feelin much MUCH better - most of my woes were down to my inability to cope with change - and fearing the worst as I always do.
    Had coffees with friends (yes friends) from work place - yes the same ones I was worried about.
    Made a bit of a mistake and told one exactly what I thought - no-one likes being told they're hugely loved by a big fat lezzer they know from work. Not brave enough to say so f 2 f - plus my o/h turned up and that would have just been weird - so txted - terrible terrible idea! Didn't say what i meant at all but got the basics across.
    But I couldn't keep it to myself anymore an decided to risk it.
    Got cool but v nice response - kind thoughtful - a little distant but understandably so.
    So - hey - what a fool I am - but I shall remain a proud fool - life's just too ****** short to *** about not telling the people you love that you love them.
    The BlackBleakness has gone and hopefully won't be back for a while.
    Thank you to all those people who've posted help and kind words - I've really leaned on you strangers - thanks for your suppport.

  8. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    o/h has warned me to calm down - going up nup a bit too quick - she reckons Im swinging upwards and may crash again - shes right of course.
    Fnckin hate this depressive mood-swingy-up-down-light-dark ****
    Wished myself dead a few days ago - not now tho - but I know its there - had a bad afternoon - self medicating with pink gin right now - soon to be followed by wine

    Iknow Iknow

    Thanks for your help u lot

    this helps loads
  9. bed

    bed New commenter

    C a l m d o w n

    stop expecting the worst
    relax and get on with living not fretting about living
  10. I like that. I recently (Ok not so recently but still very sore) went through a really bad time having been let down by someone I thought to be a friend. I really thought I was sinking into a pit I'd never get out of.
    But here I am, still hurting but still the same person I was. A fool perhaps, but happy with the person that I am.
  11. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    How about just being an Idiot.
    A good old fashioned word for someone who's just not that bright.

    It seems my egotism has got the better of me
    And I wrongly thought i meant something

    Oh how wrong

    A fool and an Idiot

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