I started at my current school in September, a school where music was a non-starter. No clubs, hardly any teaching, kids subjected to supply teachers and worksheets. Apparently it was a struggle to even get them into lesson. I've come in with the job of 're-engaging' the pupils and getting them through BTEC Performing Arts (there is a drama teacher who is head of faculty). The school is very difficult, it has a big behaviour problem and is generally full of kids with very low aspirations and self-esteem. There is a show on tomorrow which is full of dancers and some singing, I worked with some of the singers but overall I've had very little input. I'm really down about the fact that I couldn't get any pupils to perform on an instrument other than singing and I feel sad that I don't have a bigger involvement. I'm hoping it'll be better next year, but I'm really struggling with engagement and I'm worried that it'll affect my performance management with the new Ofsted criteria. I've started a choir, which isn't being taken very seriously at the moment but kids are turning up which is a plus. I've started a keyboard club and I have a couple of keen Yr10 lads who want to start a band. In lesson pupils have learned a few songs on the keyboards (A-Team, Marry You, We Found Love, What Makes You Beautiful etc.) and I want to move them onto guitars and eventual band work, but I'm not sure how to approach it. The reason for this is because I still can't get classes to stay quiet and listen. I'm incredibly embarrassed about this, especially a whole term since starting. I've tried so hard, but I'm caught between helping these kids engage and enjoy the subject, but also know the boundaries and learn how to behave properly. I'm far more sensitive to comments than I used to be, and I'm gutted that some kids aren't enjoying the subject. I've got loads of ideas I could do, but I'm not confident that they'll be overly feasible with such disengaged pupils. I've no problem with leaving the uninterested kids so I'm not battling with them or nagging them, but then I'll land myself in trouble for not engaging the whole class and they'll start to think it's acceptable to opt out. Performances are a non-starter because I can't get classes to be quiet, and because of this their confidence isn't improving either. I've made so many mistakes this year, and as I'm fresh out of my NQT year I feel like a fish out of water. I ran a department in my NQT year but it was already in a successful department, now I have to turn a department around and I'm not so sure I'm cut out for it. I could do with some advice from others who have 'been there and done it'. I'm getting there with engaging kids, but I don't feel like I've done enough, especially with the lack of musical acts in this show tomorrow. I'm worried for what I'm going to do in class from January. I've been far to slack with practical lessons and fallen into the trap of letting kids do private practice (this is with KS4 classes, not with Yr7 & Yr8). Some are happy to get on, others do naff all. I know I need to keep things structured which I'll start to do, but we're going to become unstuck because I'm gonna struggle to teach the skills they need to progress further (like on guitars/drums etc.) I'm sorry if I seem overly negative, I feel like I've taken a few steps back recently. I was doing well with letting things wash over me, but now I can't stop thinking about everything I did wrong this term. I'm bloody tired. Roll on Friday.