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Lonley teacher

Discussion in 'Personal' started by AMCY6, Aug 23, 2019.

  1. AMCY6

    AMCY6 New commenter

    Stepping out of my comfort zone massively posting this but I really feel I need to get it off my chest.

    I'm a 28 and I've been feeling pretty bloody lonely during these summer holidays. Lots of my friends have very different lives to me at the moment (i have no children yet) or live far away so we only arrange to meet up once or twice a year. So I am spending the majority of my days alone and in all honesty it feels pretty crappy!

    I don't really even know what I want to gain from posting this to be honest but possibly just the comfort of knowing I'm not the only one feeling like this or some tips or something might help.
  2. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    Join something
  3. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    A friend of ours met her husband in a walking group. They're based in catalonia, the where she lives, and theygo off on all sorts of jaunts. They even went on a distillery weekend in scotland once'
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  4. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    Yes an ex colleague of mine met her chap when in an organised walking group too. To be fair they were more ‘mature ‘ than the OP possibly ;)

    You can feel alone in a crowded room ?
  5. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter


    It does vary by area but we have fun using it.
  6. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

    You highlight a massive problem nationally, which is not addressed except by mouth from busybodies and dogooders who have no insight into the mental state of people (which is where it lies). These are the sort of people that use phrases like "Cheer up, it'll never happen." to complete strangers. (I'm going to get the usual backlash now, but there have been threads on this before, many of them.)
    alison_wain12 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  7. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Well done for opening up, so people can suggest things which may help. Though as Minnie me points out

    We've been having a similar discussion on another thread and much depends on whether you are an extrovert or introverted, allowing for 'social introverts' etc.
    Next holiday try and plan things ahead, try some things out and see what really suits, but at least you'd get out and do something and possibly find something to fill your time and potentially make some friends.
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  8. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    This can be a manifestation of work related stress, I have known many teachers struggle hugely with time off, and getting very down.

    Is that you? If so, the problem is work, and that needs addressing.

    If its just literally boredom because you haven't planned anything, then plan things!

    join a course, anything at all, what do you want to learn? language? a cookery skill? a craft? a sport?

    or sign up to voluntary work, I've done 2 shifts in a soup kitchen this week. I'm out today visiting a local wild life area, for a guided tour, then I will find out if they need any conservation volunteers. I've done that before, its very easy to dip in and out, being active during holidays and not during term time. Its busy and fun.

    Running clubs? sports clubs?

    go to the library and see what is advertised, there are likely to be courses, meetings, lectures, etc.

    what DIY projects need doing in your home?

    You need to enjoy the holidays! get out and about and meet people. do new things, have fun, stretch yourself.

    You only need a very few things in a week to find yourself enjoying and appreciating your down time alone at home too.
  9. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    OP - change your user name.
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  10. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Yes, if that is your real name.
    Lara mfl 05 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  11. Nellyfuf2

    Nellyfuf2 Senior commenter

    Yes change your name then come back and talk to us. We natter the days away here and the wee small hours - well some of us are up late. Lots of arguments but lots of kind support too.:)
    Alice K and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  12. stanley4shoes

    stanley4shoes Occasional commenter

    it's a very common issue, across lots of professions. It's also a viscious cycle because feeling lonely and isolated lowers your mood which makes it harder to motivate yourself to do something about it.

    What sort of thing do you enjoy?
  13. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    There might be a measure of 'back to school blues' too. I always reckoned first 2 weeks of the hols = winding down even going in to school to sort office /whatever, mid 2 weeks.... = holidays ....whooppeeee then the last 2 weeks... mentally and physically gearing up to going back...mind on the job etc again.
    Planning is the answer.... building in little treats. Local library might well throw up some ideas, concrete help. Maybe try to build in more meet ups with old friends - maybe selecting a 'mid point' for all to get to for a meet up. I still do this with student friends - we stayed at Stratford for a night once and a Bakewell visit is up for planning.
    Don't presume everyone is having a 'life ball' when you aren't ......now get something planned for next week as a little treat.

    It always helps to put a worry out there so well done for posting. I doubt you are alone on here.
    A TES meet up might be an idea for the future too..... meet @nomad et al for an Oct meet up if in spitting distance of Cambridge :)
  14. peter12171

    peter12171 Star commenter

    I experienced something similar when I was unemployed for nine months a few years ago. I made sure that I got out of the house every day - a walk in the local park, a wander around the shops, anything to get away from the four walls. I also looked for groups involved with things that I enjoy - singing, drama, sport. As a result I came out of my shell a lot more and made a lot of friends. In fact, I ended up far busier than ever before, and since my daughter was born I’ve had to cut back on commitments because I was spreading myself too thinly!
  15. smurphy6

    smurphy6 Lead commenter

    I understand how you are feeling OP. I find the transition from being super busy to too much time on my hands hard and though I enjoy some things such as not getting up so early and spending more time at the park with my dog I do feel at a lose end much of the time.

    I have no mental health issues such as depression and have people to socialise with I just think it’s the complete lack of routine that I miss.

    I dislike summer and much prefer autumn (my favourite season) and winter and it’s only recently I’ve started admitting this as most people think I’m mad for not enjoying summer but each to their own I say.

    The holidays are nearly over so just work through the remaining bit. I plan to spend most of next week in school prepping my classroom as I really enjoy this at the end of the summer holiday. I find it relaxing being in a mostly empty school sorting out bits and pieces (I haven’t been in school at all so far). I work in a lovely school with good colleagues so am looking forward to going back in September.

    Try to prepare for summer 2020 by organising a holiday in advance and doing one or two things per week. It’s enough to keep those feelings at bay most of the time.

    Best wishes to you.
  16. stanley4shoes

    stanley4shoes Occasional commenter

    if as a quick google suggests you're in the NW, if you like dogs and don't mind an hour's drive, I have a good pick you up for this weekend. private message me

    but yep change your profile name too
  17. CraigCarterSmith

    CraigCarterSmith Established commenter

    join an interest club, i found it helped a lot, met partner too
  18. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I'm 43. I've struggled this summer with a sense of purposelessness... I know I need to make changes ... getting a hobby or getting out more.

    You aren't alone in feeling this way.
  19. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    Take up a craft. Many have meet up groups where you can meet other crafters and get advice on honing your skill.
    Go walking/running/swimming
    Join a gym or exercise class
    Play golf/tennis/football/badminton
    Learn to dance. I thoroughly recommend Zumba
    Take up gardening, even a window box
    Walking group

    When we moved to a new area where I knew no one, I made myself go out every day. Just going for a walk improved the mood.
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  20. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

    I don't think you are alone in this at all. I lost the relationship I had with my closest friends through a mixture of circumstances (3 years abroad, they moved, a death, 3 or 4 years that I was unable to go out in the evenings or at weekends) and do feel isolated.

    I have people I meet and see, chat to at school etc and have family. I have a good life and am very lucky in lots of ways.

    But I do miss having friends who I can just be me with, however I'm feeling.
    Lara mfl 05 and Oscillatingass like this.

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