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Discussion in 'Personal' started by lilpinkmiss, Jul 24, 2011.

  1. I'm feeling quite lonely at the moment - I'm 28, have a lovely apartment and car, a job I love and my family who I adore. The trouble is I have no social life. My ex of five years broke up with me about six months ago as he couldn't commit and I threw myself into joining exercise classes, choirs, gym, sewing classes - anything that would allow me to go out and meet new people and not just have me sitting in front of the tv every night. And I did - I met some people but now it's the summer and the classes have stopped, I'm just lonely. I rely totally on my family for my social life - my 'real' friends are completely flakey and can't be relied upon to organise anything. I used to rely on school to get my out of the house - it was my purpose - and now school's finished for six weeks, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
    Sorry for the ramble, I'm just feeling a bit down. Does anyone else feel like this or can you offer me any advice? I joined eharmony and match.com but I don't think I'm ready to get back into the whole relationship thing at the moment.
    Lily :(
  2. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    I can offer no real advice as yu seemed to have tried most of them
    However why not volunteer either in your area of away
    Lots of animal charities need help back stage as it wher e there are conservation groups.at least it will get you out and meeting as you dont really need to be in the flat all the while.
    If you do a local search for charities you might find some lookiing for help iin your area.....

  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    In a similar situation - my friends are a bit useless despite attempts to organise things. Separated for 2 1/2 yrs. See my son regularly but that can be the only conversation I can have as in my own house. Was in a shared house last year so had more chance to talk to people. Get out to pub quiz and see people in village but it's going to be a long 6 weeks. That's been my life though - not through wanting it to be but somehow it's how it happened.
    So yes - I know how you feel. And how often do you have to make the effort with "friends" when they don't return the effort?
  4. Are you me?
    I am a few years older than you at 33 but can relate to everything you have written. I knew my ex on and off for 13 years, we broke up in November as he too was unable to commit to any kind of future.
    I am finding my friends increasingly distant as they have husbands and families of their own now and cannot relate to my life circumstances. When I do see them they ask me if I've been out, or what I've been up too and I want to cry...who do they think I've been out with?
    I too joined a gym and classes but still felt lonely as yes I was in a room with people doing the same thing as me, but essentially I was still on my own. Many women do not go to pilates or step on their own and already have a friend to talk to so are often unwilling to mix, in my experience anyway.
    I now feel a bit more ready to enter into looking for a new relationship but not sure how to meet anyone other than on the web which I've never tried.
    I sound like a right old misery looking at this post, I'm not (honest!) but I can also see the 6 weeks looking a bit empty...though am grateful for the lie ins!!
    Hope you feel better soon xx
  5. The people you met at your activities might be feeling the same way as you. Do you have their phone numbers? Perhaps you could organise some get togethers over the summer.
  6. You could both perhaps give a rough idea of where you are? There may well be some friendly teachers in the area...
  7. Sorry, no helpful advice to give because i'm so much older than you, but understand the loneliness you feel as I have felt it in the past especially when I was married. Can you afford to go away on a singles holiday? A long time ago I went on a teachers' adventure holiday trip when I found myself alone. It was brilliant - although I nearly drowned white water rafting! National Trust do summer courses. 28 was the age I felt old and cried: Mohammed Ali was 40 and I thought I would be 40 next year! But here I am aged 61 and my life is so much better now than when I was 28. Don't panic - you're younger than you think.
  8. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    Lily, I know how you feel. Not so very long ago I felt the same (AND I was in a relationship!!!), very lonely and the six week holidays stretched away like an eternity... I am in a good place socially now though and feel so much happier. Try looking on the Meet Up website - I met a great bunch of women on there who I now have a very active social life with. See if there are any TES meets near you, be brave and go! I've been to a few and everyone is always lovely. As someone else has suggested tell us roughly where you live, you might be surprised how many TESSERs would be willing to meet up. And don't forget to chat on here!! I started a thread the other year about living alone and met some great friends, who I now know in real life, just from chatting on here every night!!
  9. Thank you so much for replying - I'm really grateful. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I live near Manchester - anyone else?
    I've tried looking on the MeetUp website, but there doesn't seem to be any regular meetups.
    I live with a housemate but she just stays in her room every night and when I suggest a DVD night or going out for drinks, she always seems to be busy in her room.
    Thanks for everyone who replied.
    Lily xxx
  10. I broke up with my OH (who I lived with) in February, and realised I knew very few people in the city where I live because I moved here to be with him (and I thought I'd have more luck finding a job outside the ITT course saturated North West).
    I've joined City Socialising (http://manchester.citysocialising.com/home.html) and have gone along to a few meet ups and met a few nice people. Although I've not made any 'friends' yet, it's been good fun and a good experience; most people go on their own and everybody is there to meet new people and have some fun!
    Like VP said, think about going to a TES meet. I went to one in Leeds in February on a spur of the moment thing (what have I got to loose) and had a great time, and got to meet the lovely VP!
    Do you know anybody outside of your area or might know somebody in your area, if that makes sense. When a friend of mine moved to London, knowing nobody, I made her get in touch with another friend of mine who already lives there, and now they are really good friends.
  11. I joined City Socialising and like you went along to a few events, but didn't actually meet any friends. I also live about 30 minutes out of the city so sometimes it's a bit of hassle to get into town.
    Where are these TES meets? I've never heard of them. When's the next one? I'll try anything once!

  12. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    There's one in Birmingham towards the end of August. I can post on about meeting up in Leeds - I'd enjoy meeting up with some people again! And I'd be more than happy to come over to Manchester for the day! Let's see what we can organise! xxx
  13. I'm in Sheffield and can quite happily pop over to Manchester.
    Or come to Leeds!
  14. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    Hooray!!! :)
  15. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    lilpinkmiss, I can vouch for the wonderfulness of TESsers. I've 'met' several people on TES who are now firm friends in real life after meeting up. Some are also firm friends and we haven't met up yet (sounds weird, but it's true). Not been to a proper 'meet' as such, but would love to give it a whirl.
    My only complaint? I wish my TES pals all lived a bit closer! [​IMG]
  16. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    I often wish that! :)
  17. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Hello! Do you enjoy reading, Lily? If so, you could join a local book group. Your library should have details of them, as they often supply the books. The bonus is that book groups tend to have mainly women in, so it may be a good way of meeting people.
    All the best x
  18. I'm already a member of a book club but it only meets once a month and tends to be older women who sit and knit throughout. Whilst I love knitting and am quite proficient at making scarves, I'd like to meet some younger women.
    Thank you for all your suggestions!
    Lily xxx
  19. Hello Lily,
    I am 25 and have been single for a year and a half after a 5 year relationship. Like you, I have a good job (about to go into 3rd year of primary teaching), a nice flat that I rent and my own car. My family all live abroad so I don't have that support network nearby, but I have lots of lovely friends. Despite this, I was also slightly daunted at the thought of 6 weeks off, mainly because some of my friends are married, some with kids and will be spending most of the holiday with their family. Consequently, I set about on planning lots of things to look forward to, and now I only have 1 free weekend in the whole of the summer holidays! Granted, I am spending quite a bit of time with my family (who are back in the UK at the moment) as I only see them once every 3-4 months, but I am also doing other fun things. I have a friend visiting this weekend for a girly weekend, I am going for a picnic in the park with my friends at the beginning of August, a cream tea in a posh hotel and last night I booked myself a holiday to France.
    A good idea is to sit down with a calendar and note down the days that you are free. Summer holidays are great for seeing people you haven't seen in ages too, perhaps you could arrange a few days out here and there? Are you able to afford to go on holiday? I don't know anyone going on the holiday I am going on, but I am very excited at the prospect of meeting some new people.
    Once you get into it, holiday planning can be quite fun (or is that just me?!). Good luck! x
  20. I think the way to tackle the daunting idea of 6 weeks alone is to plan a couple of events each week which will get you socialising with others. TES meets are fun (I was also on the Living Alone thread and do indeed count the other guys from there as real friends now) so go along to those which you can - one in Brum and one in Leeds so far.

    Volunteering is a good one; local environmental groups always seem to need volunteers as do animal shelters.
    There are meet up groups such as "meet up" "IVC" and "Spice" so why not give them a whirl?
    Borrow a neighbour's dog to walk - people always stop and chat to you when you are walking a dog. Obviously make sure you are in a "busy" park though.
    Maybe see if there is any local bar work for one or two nights a week - this is one way of meeting locals and if it's the right sort of place you can develop a social life even when at work.
    The problem with everything I have suggested is you have to make it happen by yourself and invariably you have to go along to places by yourself to meet others and this can be daunting. I think that putting yourself out there is worth is though. OP - why not make a list/plan of action and then let us know how you get on? Knowing you have others waiting to hear of what's happened can spur you on that little bit further.
    Good Luck. JRT x

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