1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

LO coming up for 1st birthday and I suddenly feel like i don't know what i'm doing!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Millie dog, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. Millie dog

    Millie dog New commenter

    Hi all,
    I find the advice on here invaluable so was hoping you would be able to help me. As title says....LO is about 3 weeks off her 1st birthday...which has got me thinking about what we do and her development over the coming year and all of a sudden i've lost confidence and i'm not sure what we're doing is right and where should we be going next. (and i know....there is no RIGHT answer and if baby is happy then what you're doing is right!)
    After having a very successful bedtime routine since she was tiny it's all gone out of the window. she's been unwell since xmas with chest infection and then a skin allergy which has seriously disturbed her sleep and now is wide awake until 9pm!! If we try and put her down in her cot awake she screams the place down and is inconsolable (sp!), and if she wakes up during the night the same happens and it takes ages for us to calm her down. Looking back we've created part of the problem as when she was BF then she would fall asleep on the breast and we just put her straight into her cot. Now she's on bottles the same doesn't happen so she has to go down awake, hence the crying. I'm guessing she's never learnt to put herself to sleep. We're thinking of changing her bedtime routine to create something new so she'll know it's a new start....??
    Also, never quite sure about bottles. When do you drop milk feeds?? She currently has a small bottle in the morning and about 7oz at bedtime. Sometime she has a day milk feed too (about 6/7oz). When do these go?? What about the fact that the advice is that they shouldn't be drinking out of bottles once they turn one?? She currently only drinks water out of a bottle too - never got the hang of lidded cups or a doidy cup.
    Food - she currently has weetabix for breakfast, main meal at lunchtime (e.g chicken, pot and veg) and then something lighter for tea (e.g cauliflower cheese or sandwiches etc). Wanting to make the transition of her eating with us, but would mean us eating at 4.30/5pm. How have you managed to do this??
    Think i've written too much already....! But i'm sure you get the jist :) I'm guess a lot of my insecurities are from the fact that i don't get to see my wonderful health visitor anymore since being back at work full time (since Sept).
    Hope it all makes sense!
    Millie
    x
     
  2. Millie dog

    Millie dog New commenter

    Hi all,
    I find the advice on here invaluable so was hoping you would be able to help me. As title says....LO is about 3 weeks off her 1st birthday...which has got me thinking about what we do and her development over the coming year and all of a sudden i've lost confidence and i'm not sure what we're doing is right and where should we be going next. (and i know....there is no RIGHT answer and if baby is happy then what you're doing is right!)
    After having a very successful bedtime routine since she was tiny it's all gone out of the window. she's been unwell since xmas with chest infection and then a skin allergy which has seriously disturbed her sleep and now is wide awake until 9pm!! If we try and put her down in her cot awake she screams the place down and is inconsolable (sp!), and if she wakes up during the night the same happens and it takes ages for us to calm her down. Looking back we've created part of the problem as when she was BF then she would fall asleep on the breast and we just put her straight into her cot. Now she's on bottles the same doesn't happen so she has to go down awake, hence the crying. I'm guessing she's never learnt to put herself to sleep. We're thinking of changing her bedtime routine to create something new so she'll know it's a new start....??
    Also, never quite sure about bottles. When do you drop milk feeds?? She currently has a small bottle in the morning and about 7oz at bedtime. Sometime she has a day milk feed too (about 6/7oz). When do these go?? What about the fact that the advice is that they shouldn't be drinking out of bottles once they turn one?? She currently only drinks water out of a bottle too - never got the hang of lidded cups or a doidy cup.
    Food - she currently has weetabix for breakfast, main meal at lunchtime (e.g chicken, pot and veg) and then something lighter for tea (e.g cauliflower cheese or sandwiches etc). Wanting to make the transition of her eating with us, but would mean us eating at 4.30/5pm. How have you managed to do this??
    Think i've written too much already....! But i'm sure you get the jist :) I'm guess a lot of my insecurities are from the fact that i don't get to see my wonderful health visitor anymore since being back at work full time (since Sept).
    Hope it all makes sense!
    Millie
    x
     
  3. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I think all babies/toddlers are different and they can't all follow the same routine. It's no use comparing your child to someone else's.
    My son is 19 months old now and has only just started eating properly for example. Before he just wasn't interested, and would only eat yoghurt! We only stopped formula about a month ago because he just wasn't eating.
    His usual routine is to get up between 7 and 8 (i get him up at 7 on the days I work to get him ready to go to the childminder). When i'm not at work we have breakfast together - he has weetabix and sometimes a yoghurt too and some water. Throughout the day i try to offer him snacks - apple, organix cereal bar or crisps, banana etc. Sometimes he has lunch before his nap, usually something I have made and frozen and then defrosted so lasagne, shepherds pie, veg soup, chilli etc and then he will have a bottle of cows milk and sleep for maybe an hour and a half. We have dinner at 6 together, although one week in two it's just me and him as my husband works shifts. He has a bath just before 7, and is in bed usually about 8 or just before. He has a bottle of milk and throws it out of his cot when he's finished and goes to sleep! Some nights he will wake up, but mainly he's been sleeping through now.
    He drinks water out of a cup, and prefers it without the lid now, but he still has his milk from a bottle.
    He went through a phase of us having to rock him to sleep, but i can't remember when that stopped!
    My friend's 9 month old eats more than he does, but like I said there's no point comparing! He's never been a particularly good sleeper and it's only been recently that he sleeps through more often than not.
    However, he's happy and active and healthy, so i'm not concerned [​IMG]
     
  4. Hi
    My youngest is 16 months old and she still has 3 cows milk feeds a day, about 9am, 1.30pm and 6.30pm. Somedays she eats well, others day, like today its rubbish. Tonight for example she ate with my other children ( twins aged 5) baby sausages, beans and potatoes, then icecream but really only ate a tiny bit of sausage and a teaspoon of icecream. Other days she will eat more them than them. I dont worry about it. She also has taken to waking about 3-4am chuntering then crying then screaming and I go in, pat, reassure etc. Some nights I have just got up with her as its pointless trying to continue. I work full time so its hard. But having 2 older children I think makes me more laid back about it, and whereas with the twins I'd panic about stuff like this, with the wee one I know it is just a phase and it will pass. With regards to whether you are doing enough with your child or not, someone once told me if you are worrying about it then you are doing fine. Its the mums that don't worry about how much time they spend with their kids, what they are doing with them etc that need to do more.
    Hope that helps
     
  5. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I reckon there's always something to worry about, whatever their age! I suppose if you have older ones, like you do, then you have more of an idea what to expect. I've been worrying for months about his lack of eating, and kept thinking about contacting the HV, but then lots of people told me not to worry as he's so healthy and has been growing and developing so well.
    I'm 27 weeks pregnant so my biggest worry now is how he'll react to a little sister!
     
  6. Hiya Millie,
    Our LO's are really close in age and I always have the same worries. The toddler stage is a bit daunting to me, to be honest!
    With the not self settling issues, could you try one of the Baby Whisperer books? She has some great tips on how to get babies to go to sleep on their own.
    My LO still have three milk feeds (about 8 oz at 10am, 3pm and bed time at 6.30pm) and a dream feed of 4oz. Have tried getting rid of the dream feed, but he kept waking up without it at 1am, so have decided to keep it. He's a big lad, so figured he needs it. We've just made the transition to cows milk, and it's so much easier. Have tried weaning off the bottle on to beakers for milk, but he's having none of it, so going to wait until he's a little older. Tommee Tippee do great transition bottles: one that looks like bottles but with a wider hole in the teat.
    Your LO's food intake sounds similar to what my LO has. Could you try adding in an afternoon snack, and her having a later tea time? If OH and I want to eat with the little fella, then that's what we do.
    I am sure you're doing a fanastic job, Millie. [​IMG] xxx
     
  7. Millie dog

    Millie dog New commenter

    hi everyone!
    thanks for the help so far. You've reassured me on the food front. I think we'll just carry on as we are and she'll let us know what she wants to do!
    Have to be honest, it's the bedtime thing that's really getting us down. She was always down by 6.30/7pm and then woke at 6.30/7am. It's a complete shock to the system to have her still awake till 9pm. We feel we've taken a tiny step forward though as she sleep all night in her cot (yay!) but screamed the place down in the evening whenever she went anywhere near it. OH had to play games to get her into it and then we took it in turns staying in the room until she eventually went to sleep.
    Mrs F - i've got one of the Baby Whisperer's books (solves all your problems) and the main technique i can find for sleep is PU/PD but is says to only use that from 4 - 12 months. As she's nearly 1 i'm guessing we're too late to use it? What do you think?
    Has anyone else found their 11 month old go through a stage of not wanting to go to sleep in the evening?? I know she's just getting over an illness...but i need to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
    x
     
  8. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My son was a nightmare at bedtime for ages, and would regularly be up until 10pm, which was really hard for me as my husband does shift work so I was on my own. It didn't help that he wasn't really eating. I can't remember exactly how old he was when he was like this. Then he went through a phase of having to be rocked to sleep like a little baby! Now that he is finally eating properly we seem to be in a better routine and he's in bed at 8 or before every night. Well, unless he's ill then that throws the whole routine out for a while!
    It's definitely easier once they walk as they tire themselves out more! He walked at 12.5 months, and now we take him out for walks on his reins as often as possible as this definitely helps him sleep for longer!
    There is light at the end of the tunnel. Try to think of it just as a phase and remember that it won't last forever, and when they're grown up we will miss this stage!! x
     
  9. Mrs Music

    Mrs Music New commenter

    The two weeks before our little girl learnt to walk were a nightmare in terms of bedtime. We've been so lucky in that she's always been a brilliant sleeper and always gone down fab on a night. Then all of a sudden, for no apparent reason whatsoever, she'd be stood straight up in the cot crying hysterically the second we put her in there. The first three nights we tried everything, and decided to do controlled crying - not for everyone, but after 3 more nights (and touch wood since - she's 18 months now) - there's not been a night when she's not gone to bed happily.
    Those first three nights we brought her downstairs after doing everything that we could upstairs with her for a few hours, and even if she fell asleep laid on us, either on the settee or back upstairs in our bed, the second we put her back down in her own cot she woke up screaming. It might sound harsh but we after so many months of her always being so happy to go to bed we didn't want to make a habit of taking her downstairs and so on.
    Like I say it's certainly not for everyone, it was my Mum who suggested it to me and the first couple of nights of doing it were so so hard. I'd go back downstairs and wait until exactly 5 minutes had gone before going in, wiping her nose/ seeing if she wanted a sip of water/ trying to lay her back down then going back out again. A few people said to me that it's very common just before a big developmental milestone such as walking; I don't know if that's true but after 3 nights and since she's gone to bed with no problems once again.
    Other posts on here have really reassured me about what other toddlers are eating and how much milk they are having :)
    Good luck and do whatever is right for you, and as my friends with older children always remind me, it will pass.
     
  10. My LO is 14 months and has just been through a bad patch in terms of going to bed. He has been poorly for 2 months with various things and also teething at the same time and during this time we brought him back downstairs when he wouldn't settle and into our bed if he woke in the night. Once he was better he was out of the habit of his usual bedtime routine. I considered trying controlled crying but it wasn't for us and so in the end I just did his bedtime routine as normal, putting him to bed about 7ish and then sat next to his cot. The first night he kept looking at me but I just sat there reading my book until he eventually fell asleep (took over an hour!). Everytime he woke in the evening we did the same thing and by the 3rd night I sat by his cot for 10 minutes and then snuck out when he turned over and that carried on for a few more days until one night I put him down and left the room and he went to sleep. It was annoying having to sit up there for ages everytime he woke but it helped him to remember how to settle himself to sleep with the bit of reassurance of being able to see me or OH and now he just seems to have slipped back into his old routine of sleeping 7-8.
    I did the same thing when he was about 9/10 months and went through what I think was seperation anxiety and it worked well then too. I like it as a bit of a compromise to controlled crying which I don't doubt would work faster but I just can't seem to do!
     
  11. Millie dog

    Millie dog New commenter

    Thanks everyone for your responses.
    We've changed her bedtime routine slightly, so milk is now given in her room not ours. She still screams whenever she goes near the cot (but strangely doesn't do that in the day!) so we've put a few toys in there for her to play with. We stay with her until she falls asleep (bit like you did Pink) but she spends alot of that time crying rather than just amusing herself quietly.
    Anyway....feel we are making progress though as in the last 3 nights we've gone from 9pm to 8pm to 7.30pm. :) Fingers crossed we keep heading towards 7pm. Just want the crying to stop...oh well...can't have everything!
    Pink - i think it's seperation anxiety this time as for the first time ever she cried when i left her with my mum.
    x
     
  12. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    Know lots of people who used bottles not cups till over 2, and their kids' teeth are fine, so wouldn't worry.
     
  13. Millie, for the sleep issues I really recommend 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' - it has been a massive help to us. I know that most people love the Baby Whisperer books, but I found 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' far, far better. Have you also got something that plays soft music? We've got a seahorse from Boots and it just helps to calm him down both at bedtimes when he's not very settled and during the middle of the night. Its tummy lights up so it's quite comforting.

     
  14. My baby's cot is full of toys! When she wakes up she plays with them. Her favourite is a Fisher Price (I think) glow worm like I used to have when I was a baby- squeeze its tummy and it lights up and plays music. When she wakes she plays with them for a bit and then on the weekends when we let her amuse herself before going in to get her, she throws them out of the cot when she's had enough, lol! Glad things are going better Millie!
     

Share This Page