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Live to Work

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ss1949, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. My online life is as flat as my real one. A last gasp bump as no one will find it on page 3.

    Perhaps no one can help. I know I have to get out there and sitting in the house isn't helping me at all but I don't know what to get out there and do.
  2. stopwatch

    stopwatch Established commenter

    I think that teaching is very much a profession that requires total commitment....... and then some. I would imagine it is difficult to find a teacher who doesnt feel that their life is dominated by their job.
    Your situation is compounded by the fact that you live/work in a boarding school which sounds like it is miles from anywhere.
    It's a shame that at such a young age you feel so isolated.
    Have you thought of doing something in your holidays which facilitates meeting other people? I know you are young and may find it a bit too sedate but the National Trust do voluntary work holidays (clearing hedgerows, maintaining buildings etc).
    I have a single friend who is in his fifties and he goes on these long haul holidays (I think he has done China, Alaska, New Zealand). In addition he used to use a company called 'Spice' (I think that was the name). This was an organisation specifically for single people. It arranged things which ranged from bunjee jumping to longer holidays/tours.
    Alternatively, internet dating, although derided by many is actually a lot more common these days than in the past and also less 'seedy'.
    You need to be pro-active. Make things happen rather than let them not happen.
  3. Every summer I try and learn a new skill- this years is ballroom dancing. It fills the time and you meet some really lovely people. You could look at what sort of classes like that you have in your area and join one.
  4. If you work with lots of couples, are they not desperate to set you up with their friends?
  5. If you let your work and career dominate your life, then you'll burn out well before retirement. If you have notions of escaping the classroom for the SMT suite, I really, really don't want to help you
  6. polly.glot

    polly.glot New commenter

    Try internet dating - it has proven the perfect way to meet people for many of my young boarding school colleagues.
    Just DON'T, I beg you, become too comfortable in your job and end up, years rushing by, waking up to opportunities lost.
    good luck
  7. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    You cannot possibly SUDDENLY end up like the woman you replaced '60 and alone' if you are only in your 20s! If you think that being 60 and alone is such a terrible prospect, though many would disagree with you, then get busy now changing your life. I cannot see why, just because you work in a boarding school, you should have to work every day of the week. There must be some time off and you must use this to meet other people outside the school setting. There are umpteen ways of doing this. See what groups meet in your area and which of them might interest you and then join some. Instead of thinking of the holidays as being 'weeks and weeks of loneliness stretching ahead' think of them as a wonderful opportunity for you to get out of school and meet other people. If you live on the school premises it would be a good idea to try to get away- how about youth hostelling or rambling or joining a volunteer project somewhere else? Only YOU can change the situation in which you find yourself. Good luck and don't fester in the bloody boarding school all summer. There's a whole world outside and it's full of interesting things to see and do and lots of friendly people. Maybe you won't meet the 'love of your life' immediately but you might get a new perspective on things.
  8. If you want friends start by asking someone at the school if they fancy meeting up during the holiday.
    If you want a partner try internet dating.
    Neither friends nor partners are happy to be picked up in the holidays and put down in term time so you will have to accept on some level that compromise will be needed.
    Why not try 'sacrificing' one evening a week to join a club or learn a new skill or something.
    Hang on! Didn't TES have a matchmaking thing going a while a go? Go to a few TES meets. No one need know it's you.
  9. If you like theatre or classical music go to watch a play or listen to a concert at the weekend. There will be other people there by themselves and it is easy to strike up a conversation in the interval as you have a ready-made subject of conversation as you can discuss the play or concert.
  10. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I'm not sure I'd 'love' a job that made me feel so miserable in the holidays - are you sure you've got the right word there? My summer holidays have always been the highlight of my year. Why not go on a summer course that trains you to become a recluse, then by September you won't care any more about what you think you're missing.

    Seriously though, if working in a boarding school is isolating you that much you maybe need to make some difficult choices to restore the work/life balance, like working in a daytime only school. I'm fortunate enough to have not been single since the age of 20, but if I was I'd probably be looking at evening classes, residential courses, OU qualifications, or activity-based holidays like expeditions or conservation work to put me in touch with like-minded others.

    Ignore the bit about becoming a recluse by the way, I was only jesting ;-)
  11. The good thing is you love your job! So many people don't! As others have said, there's loads of ways to meet new people, and relationships need time invested in them. You should think about giving up a couple of nights a week to doing something. i know people have found friends in new cities using one of those social activity sites - they organise group events. Not sur eof the names, but have a google.
    I have found the summers a bit lonely sometimes - everyone else is at work!
    Hope you feel a bit more positive soon.
  12. I feel very much the same except I hate my job! Took on a senior role this year and it's just taking over my life. I'm nearly 35 and single; been teaching 12 years and been pretty much single the whole time! I really do feel like life is passing me by as I'm too exhausted to socialise during the week and the weekend is spent recovering! I do have lots of friends but they are all female or marrried.
    It's getting to that time of year again where I'm desperate for the break as I'm so tired but I also dread it as everyone is talking about holidays away with their partners and I feel so lonely. It's in the holidays that I really start to think about the way my life is going and it's quite depressing! I can't see it changing unless I get out of this job. Year after year nothing changes and I'm constantly exhausted / stressed / always thinking about work. Leaving teaching in my current role would probably involved halving my salary which i can't really afford as I live on my own and have debts to pay for 2 more years. Feel a bit trapped but half of me feels 'sod it' and wants to break free! I'm worried in 20 years time I'll still be single and just living for teaching - how ****!
    Dreading my birthday this summer as my parents will be away so I'll be on my own all day and evening, crying into my wine about being 35 and single! Friends aren't available as they are all at work as it's mid week. Then I'll get back in September hearing about how everyone had great times with their partners etc etc! Sorry, moan over
  13. In reality they probably spend most of the summer arguing/getting on each other's nerves, but being back at work are looking back through rose tinted spectacles.
  14. Yeh probably true History Guy! Hate it when people talk about their birthdays being 'spoilt' by their OH or whisked away somewhere etc and I just either go round to my parents' or hang around my flat on my own.....:-S
  15. mmmmmaths

    mmmmmaths New commenter

    After many years of marriage and still married I have discovered the delights of holidaying alone. I have found that I find so many interesting people to talk to when on my trips. I now have a long list of solo trips eg I want a week in Paris doing a weeks French course, mornings only so rest of the day to do whatever I want. Done big trips and small trips. Went walking for a few days with HF holidays recently and met loads of singles some single, divorced, widowed, married but there without partners. The more I go solo the more I find to do solo and interestingly the more I enjoy/ tolerate trips with partner because I know I can go off and adventure on my own at another time.

    Go somewhere, do something, enjoy the holiday by doing something different. Book a few water skiing lessons, go see that place you've always wanted to see, go to the cinema (as you won't have time next term), go watch a sport you've never thought of watching, go on a bicycle tour..............just do something different.

    Stop regretting the past as you can't go back and change it, stop worrying about the future or hoping that everything will be better in the future. Concentrate on NOW, enjoying NOW, living NOW.

    Thing of all the time you have this summer that is yours to do with as you please.
  16. mmmmmaths

    mmmmmaths New commenter

    Think not thing.

    Had an interesting chat with a friend recently who said the most lonely time of her life was when she was married. Although she is now alone she is no longer lonely.
  17. I have to agree with that.
    I quite like company now and again but when I'm on my own I never annoy myself as badly as other people annoy me.
  18. Ditto.
    Paradoxically, I see more of my ex now than I ever did when we were married.
    We often chuckle about that.
    I have no further advice to offer than has already been made.
    I enjoy being alone, I enjoy not having to negotiate with anyone, I enjoy having my career. I can socialise if I want to, not bother if I don't feel like it (which is often).
    But I learnt many years ago not to neglect my private life - when I was in my 20s I was working 16 hours a day for weeks and months on end, plus weekends (private sector).
    My cut off point nowadays is 6 p.m. (unless there is something really major). I am in the office by 7.30 and that is damned well enough time.
    I love my job. I really do. I give it almost my all. But some of my all I give to myself too. And private time, me time and family time and friend time is just as important as my job. You can always find a new job. The rest is irreplacable.

  19. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    That;s good advice, mmmmaths [have I counted correctly?], but the OP is in her twenties and can't really be expected to view life as we middle-aged people do.

  20. mmmmmaths

    mmmmmaths New commenter

    Not really sure that age matters, discussed this a lot with mmmmmmmmmmmjunior ( still in his teens).

    He now seems to get the idea that if you do stuff then stuff happens and it's only by doing things you aren't sure you are going to like that you actually do find things that you like.

    I think maybe I was replying to a post just before mine rather than the op but the original op was saying that by working so hard during term time holidays come as a shock with so much time to fill. Been there, done that, left it late to change, glad I did, wish I'd done it much sooner.

    Changing how I treated the holidays had a huge knock on effect regarding how I defined my working hours and what I used that gained time to do.

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