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Lil's handy household hints

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lilachardy, Dec 2, 2006.

  1. Be sure to leave the splash guard off when microwaving food so you can redecorate the internals in a delightful textured effect.


    Create cucumber soup the easy way - a month or so in the fridge should do it.

     
  2. this thread is wonderful, I am wiping mascara from my cheeks as I write. Thank you thank you.
     
  3. When moving car out of garage. Take the hint that the opening to the big wide world is BEHIND you and put the car into reverse - do not try first gear at full throttle.
     
  4. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Never leave chocolate in cars in summer.
     
  5. leave a roll of kitchen roll out over night

    fail to hear new kitten encountering said kitchen roll.

    get up next day to wee ticks of paper next to the bed

    go into living room. discover area looks like New York during ticker tape parade...
     
  6. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    Make sure that you always use the weakest knife in the house when chopping carrots (raw) so the blade snaps and stick into your hand.

    Now make sure you chop (after finding the one knife you always use) onions and let the juice get into new cut.

    Next chop a chilli and or pepper, which eyes are stinging from onion fumes....rub eyes.

    Place all vegetables that needs boiling into a large pot. Do not place on any heat...then wonder why it?s not warming up 10 minutes later
     
  7. When child returns from four day pop festival; throw bag, you are assured only contains washing, into machine after a cursory check through. Be amazed when you empty machine to find you have washed a frankfurter sausage, a satchet of wetwipes, a deodorant and an orange. Be further amazed when two washed jelly babies falls out of a pair of socks, completely transparant and colourless but otherwise intact and apparantly holding hands!
     
  8. silkywave

    silkywave Occasional commenter

    How to get a forman grill clean.

    Fold up several sheets of kitchen paper and soak under tap. Take hot food out of grill and place said wet kitchen towel in grill. turn the grill off and leave to cool. Dont forget to put plastic drip tray under grill and allow black greasy goo to run down counter into new shoes.

    (But the grill will be easy to clean.)
     
  9. 2 hits here:

    Don't, when using a disposable BBQ put tin foil under it in an attempt to not set fire to the dining room table of the house you are renting!

    At Christmas remember not to leave the cat in the room with the turkey that is defrosting only to return to find said cat licking the turkeys ****!
     
  10. Don't call the police in response to a late night phone call from an elderly neighbour telling you there is a tramp asleep in your indented porch until you have checked your husband hasn't arrived back from a works do too drunk to even attempt to put his key in the lock.
     
  11. sleepyhead

    sleepyhead New commenter

    If you spill icing sugar on the floor, getting out the mop is an excellent way of ensuring that the entire kitchen becomes beaitifully iced. Even better, if you did this whilst taking the icing sugar out of the cupboard, and got it over you, there is endless fun to be had in trying to wash your hair.
     
  12. When using a pressure cooker for the first time invite your in-laws for dinner and leave veg until the last minute before cooking. Panic about cooking time and do not read the instructions before using aforementioned cooker. Leave the kitchen door ajar and watch your in-laws gasp in awe and wonder as a volcano of cauliflower erupts from the pressure cooker, hits the ceiling with great force and falls back down coating you in an evil looking lumpy mess.
     
  13. Don't hide a multipack of crisps (to prevent anklebiters scoffing the lot) in the aga during the summer when it is switched off. It makes for an interesting outcome when you forget they are in there until you turn the aga on again in September!
     
  14. (O/H when he was single). Run bath, get in bath and relax. Get up to answer persistant knocking on the front door dressed only in a towel. Find a young lady on the doorstep frantically pointing at your kitchen window. Step outside to look in window to find flames shooting from the grill and through the kitchen because of the chops you'd put in before you went to run your bath. Drop towel in panic thus exposing youself to the young lady and rush back in to grab the fire extinguisher. Battle naked with the kitchen fire watched by now curious neighbours who have heard the commotion.
    Leave the foam stuck to the cooker for TWO YEARS and live on takeaways until new girlfriend takes pity on you and cleans the kitchen and cooker.
     
  15. When in a hurry to iron your son's school trousers in the morning don't bother to get out the ironing board. Put a towel, the thinnest one you can find on the lounge floor. Proceed to iron the towel first to flatten it and leave a deep, perfect iron shape in your 2 month old very expensive carpet. Then quickly run to the kitchen sink to throw up in horror and disbelief.
     
  16. When asked to photocopy the end of year reports for the whole class make sure you copy them portrait and not landscape then after realising your error be careful not to shred the originals.
     
  17. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Never apply washing-up-liquid to the water in an over-arm fashion.
     
  18. Omigod Keep smiling - how awful!!!
     
  19. Haven't read the whole of this brilliant thread but think that it's unlikely that anyone would already have passed on this hint.. When disposing of hilarious gift of a vibrator make sure you don't take the batteries out when putting it in the binbag so that it can go off when you put bag in the street in front of your house to ammuse passers by.
     

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