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Life is a bit rubbish...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by learningyoghurt, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    ... it's not unbearable, it's not traumatic, there's a lot that I should be grateful for... but it's just a bit blah. As in blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
    Work is set to get much more difficult when I return after maternity leave (oh good, because the difficult year that I had when I fell pregnant was so much fun), bringing up a baby on my own is hard work, living circumstances are hard work, many close friends have moved away (and the ones that haven't are - yep - hard work) and there's little prospect of even the most basic sorts of fun, glamour or excitement on the horizon.
    Why is it that I can appreciate how lucky I am to have a beautiful (and happy and good-tempered and lovely and fantastic) baby, a job, a loving family and a beautiful world to live in and yet still want to scream with general boredom, dissatisfaction and nothingness? Does everyone have periods like this in their life or is it inherent ingratitude that is making me unhappy?
    And how do you get your life going again? Is it even possible?
    Don't even want to talk to my friends atm, as I have very little to say other than "Fnug". I can staple a smile on but it only stays put for a short while and then I'm gripped by an irrepressible urge to Whinge.

     
  2. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Thanks for letting me share the joy, by the way. I'm such a little ray of sunshine.
     
  3. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Yes
    Don't know
    Yes
    [​IMG]
     
  4. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Whinge away!
    Yes, I think so.
    ((((((((Yoghurt))))))))
     
  5. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Actually, try listing 10 - 20 things that you like doing, make sure that some of them are free or very cheap. Then work out how you can manage them?
     
  6. Spanakopita

    Spanakopita New commenter

    Whoever said life was rose garden? I brought 2 children up on my own and worked to support them. It was hard at times but I thought I was lucky even though at times I felt like screaming and it does get easier.
     
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Simply being alive gives you a huge advantage over the majority of people who've populated this planet so far - make the most of it.
     
  8. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Thanks everyone. [​IMG]
    Mostly I'm okay, every so often I sit and think and that's unwise.
    Kudos. One is quite enough for me just now.
     
  9. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Actually, I believe that the number of people alive on the planet currently outnumbers those who are dead?
    So many Geography colleague told me anyway, I may be wrong.
     
  10. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Maybe so, but in a moment of quiet reflection compare the lifestyle of the majority of those with your own and ask yourself if things are really that bad.
     
  11. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    I do, frequently. In fact it is implicit in the OP, which is really more about the frustration being unable to keep yourself out of the rut through cognitive effort and obsessive blessing-counting alone.
    However, as I posted it with the sole intention of inviting a kick up the **** I suppose I should say thank you. Thank you [​IMG]
     
  12. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    *OF being unable.
    Pesky typos.
     
  13. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    No kick intended - I've spent rather too much time over the last few weeks dealing with dying people, so I'm a bit touchy about people rubbishing life. It's my perspective that's askew, not yours. You have every right to query your motivation from time to time - we all do it.
     
  14. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Not at all. Actually I think that yours is the right one. And I'm really sorry that you've had such an awful few weeks.
    I'm annoyed at myself because right now, the good and solid and valuable things of life seem to count for so little in the absence of the shallow and unimportant ones. I needed a healthy dose of perspective.
    Thank you <---- and I've removed any traces of snark from that.
     
  15. It is hard to adjust to this wee being that is there, taking over your life, making you feel guilty when you are tired and want it to SHUT UP and stop CRYING.
    Or when you need the loo, as your bladder is bursting, but this little being has filled its nappy.
    Or you want a shower, but baby is teething.
    Or you want a night out and nobody will babysit.
    Or you have a babysitter, go out and are home within 60 minutes because you miss your child.
    You get used to it, eventually. There comes a point where you realise you are not actually mad, just a mother.
    And as they grow older, you get a bit meloncholoy that they get ever more independent and you feel redundant.
    Then you reach a day where you realise - hey, this is great. I have some FREE time. And then you want to keep that free time and will defend it, no matter what.
    Rant away - sometimes a rant is what you need.
    And if you need any practical advice - you know we are here xx
     
  16. tidal

    tidal New commenter

    Yes apparently it is
    Sometimes we all wonder whether it is worth the effort
    Usually it is
    Sometimes it simply isn't
    You'll know eventually when each option is valid
    Then comes the real problem question
     
  17. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I agree with lots of the posts on here, especially with CK's thoughts about you, LY.
    When my life feels lack lustre, dull, samey, drudge-filled, flat, monotonous then I find that simply remembering that the feelings will pass, helps. Life is infact none of the above list all on their own, this is a form of selective reasoning where we focus on the **** and forget the good . . . . . other times in life we focus on the good so much, we lose sight of the bad. Sorry, rewind that last statement, it's a lie [​IMG]
    We need to do things to shake up our viewpoint. Just do whatever takes your fancy. But do some thing . . . or do someone.
    [​IMG]
     
  18. Yep. I imagine there are times when we all do LY. It's a bit like being told to clean your plate, to eat up all your food because there are children starving in Africa. There's perspective for you, but it doesn't always motivate us to appreciate what we have.
    I might be very unpopular for saying this, but.....I didn't half feel bogged down and trapped whan I became a mother.
    Unlike others who write here, I didn't have the rock solid support of a loving husband (Gawd only knows why I went on to have two more children with him!) I was very much a single mother from the day I brought my first born home from hospital. My life changed. I couldn't focus on me much - only the despair I felt at being 'abandoned' yet tied and bound by duty and love to do the best I could for my baby.
    I did feel life as I'd known it had ended and it took me ages to adjust to my new life with a baby, even though I loved my gorgeous little bundle with all my heart. Life changed and I came second..had to put my needs to one side and do my best for my child. Not many mothers write about the 'shock' of parenthood, do they? Perhaps if you have a man who does his bit, is supportive and enjoys being a father it's different? I didn't have that man...he escaped as much as he could when the children were little..so everything fell to me. It was as though my life was over. I was a slave to my kids..all parents are in a way.
    All I can say LY is that life did become better when my children didn't rely on me so much. For years I felt like a workhorse...yet it seemed that if I moaned I hadn't counted my blessings! I have always been aware of my blessings..still am....but I maintain that we all need nurturing and a crutch...no matter what stage of life we are at. Your perspective isn't skewed....life can be tough even though we have a roof over our heads, lovely children and enough money coming in to get by. Don't feel guilty for expressing how you feel. I think many women lose their identities along with the life they previously had when they become mothers. I am sure most fathers don't feel so tied.
    I am in my fifties now and on looking back all I can say is, many years of my life as a mother seemed mundane, boring, repetitive, hard and unfair, even though those years were full and busy. Life did get easier and for me on a personal level, richer and more enjoyable. Sometimes however 'mundane' is good, but it's only when life goes completely t.its up and hurts that we realise we ought to cherish 'mundane'. I am not sure if that is any help at all LY, but I do understand where you are coming from. Sounds like you are doing well in the circumstances. x
     
  19. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    AE - what a wonderful post. [​IMG]
    I am not a mother and you can tell with my post that, compared to yours, I don't know the full story. My empathy or understanding only reaches so far. My experience only reaches so far.
    So much of your post struck a chord with me . . . . .many of the reasons I have been so fearful of becoming a mother . . . . .and now it's immaterial, it's too late now. I don't regret this. I could never have coped.
     

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