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“Letter to my lazy wife”

Discussion in 'Personal' started by silkywave, Feb 2, 2019.

  1. silkywave

    silkywave Lead commenter

  2. coffeekid

    coffeekid Star commenter

    God. Reading that depressed me.
  3. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    I haven't had such an experience but suspect I would have over-helped. Would have stopped if I didn't see any gratitude, weight-pulling or intention to improve.
  4. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    I feel his pain. Don't have the drug one.
  5. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    It is very depressing.

    Makes me feel all the more grateful for my wife and daughter.

    But the person who wrote that letter needs to let his family stand on their own two feet now. They have done enough.
    smoothnewt and dunnocks like this.
  6. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter

    I read that letter yesterday morning (before there were any replies online). I felt sorry for the guy, but my immediate reaction was "you should have got a handle on things years ago". The profligate wife can't have helped the situation in terms of setting a good example to the kids habits, but both have failed in terms of good parenting, imo.
    Edit: I still can't see any replies online.
    sabrinakat likes this.
  7. Weald56

    Weald56 Established commenter

    My first thought on reading the article was 'thank goodness my wife & I have always had a joint bank account'. No financial secrets.
    harsh-but-fair likes this.
  8. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    What a lot of spoilt children they all are, including the wife. He sounds very downtrodden and depressed. Wouod love to hear replies from wife ans children!
  9. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

    Whole thing is depressing. Only his point of view, but if he's correct about his family then depressing that they appear to take so much for granted. But also depressing to imagine feeling or being part of a situation thst has led to such resentment.
  10. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    It is depressing.....................but more than a smattering of truth there for many.
    Shedman likes this.
  11. florian gassmann

    florian gassmann Star commenter

    Why does the Guardian pay only £25 for such imaginative writing?
    sabrinakat likes this.
  12. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    I have a relative who is suffering something similar. Having given notice to his working step-daughter (40) that when he retires next year, the free board and lodging, expensive pet upkeep and free car & petrol will be phased out, her response was that her life would no longer be worth living. The other step did at least make an effort at independence but is now heavily in debt. Her mother works purely to support the pair of them - hardly a penny goes into the household pot.
  13. Vince_Ulam

    Vince_Ulam Star commenter

  14. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    Why would you give free board and lodging to an adult working child? Nevermind all the other expenses. When Miss E got her first full time job I asked for ( very minimal) rent. She replied ‘ What! For my OWN bedroom?’. She did pay up, usually in rolls of tenners she called my drugs money. She had a full time job and 4 part time jobs so managed to save up for a deposit and bought in London, a part rent part buy flat when she was 26.
  15. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    Vince, if your aim was to be mysterious and cryptic, have a biscuit.

    emerald, the waters were muddied somewhat by their being step-children rather than his own.
    emerald52 likes this.
  16. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    My Daughter still has free board and lodging even though she has a good job.

    However - she just can't afford to live in the City we reside in at the moment and we are happy to put her up until she gets her next job and can then move out.

    She has had to learn to save money and is getting better at it. Wy wife and I both grew up in households where money was tight so we learned at very early ages to budget.

    I feel very sorry for the writer of that letter but he should have stood up for himself a long time ago.
    monicabilongame and emerald52 like this.
  17. LondonCanary

    LondonCanary Star commenter

    We charged ours rent from the month she started work until the day she moved out. Couldn't t see why a person earning shouldn't pay albeit below market rate
  18. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    We charged ours from gap year onwards. £30 a week rising to £40, and they were expected to weigh in with the household chores too. They couldn't get out fast enough. :D
  19. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    I think we're too generous - I'd feel terrible asking her for money.
  20. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    Youngest son was the last to go, he was charged £40 a week for board and lodging and use of my wife's car, I was commuting daily, she wasn't working. I told him this was to allow him to save up for when he moved out as he was applying for jobs in London. However, he only saved enough (in 2 years) for a deposit and first month's rent which meant he went into his overdraft. When the bank told him his overdraft limit and conditions were changing from the student/first-job rates he had a panic and thought he would have to move back home again. I told him to talk to the bank first and that I wouldn't let him crash, but he had to try and sort it out himself which he did and I didn't have to contribute. He seems to have learnt his lesson and now saves regularly from his salary.

    I can see how the condition arose for the bloke in the letter. As a male of my generation it was instilled that you will be the breadwinner and support your family. Earnings are usually at a peak in middle age, so you earn more money than everyone else, especially if you act like the only grown up and don't just spend everything you earn.

    My dad took his breadwinner role seriously this but didn't earn enough to help me out in any way or make my life easier, I did move back home for just under a year in my mid-20's when I was between proper jobs but paid my way (I was more subsidized than I admitted to myself at the time) and it wasn't particularly comfortable for me.

    One thing that struck a chord with me was something I realised a while ago was that whenever I go out to eat with my family I end up paying for everyone and so don't see eating out so much as a treat as a very overpriced event. If it was free when I ate out I'd probably be as enthusiastic about it as everyone else.

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