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Letter to head from spouse

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by nical73, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. nical73

    nical73 Occasional commenter

    I am very concerned about husband and current situation with his job. Have watched my husband suffer for 3 years and almost sink into deep depression and anxiety. Without going into detail, the last three years have almost destroyed our family. Is it possible for me, a teacher as well, to write a letter to the head stating my concern and anger?
  2. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Write a letter by all means...offload some of it..... but do NOT send it!

    When you have written to maybe sit down with your hubby and decide what the 2 of you can do to improve matters. Find a way forward..... lots of advice on here could give you pointers as to what might work for you.

    I hope things improve....soon.
    finisterre_277 likes this.
  3. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter


    Anyone can write a letter to anybody. But the important thing is what would be the impact of that letter.

    Firstly, what would be the reaction of your husband when he learnt that you had written that letter?

    Second, what would be the reaction of the Head on receiving it? What would be the reaction of YOUR Head if your husband sent a letter to your school?

    See what I mean? It might all misfire very badly both personally and professionally.

    I think that @HelenREMfan has the right advice here.

    Best wishes

    finisterre_277 likes this.
  4. Anonymity

    Anonymity Occasional commenter

    Has he spoken to the GP? The GP could send a letter.
  5. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    You could send a letter but it would rank highly amongst the least sensible things that you could possibly do.
    Flere-Imsaho likes this.
  6. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    If things are that bad your husband needs to see a GP and be signed off work. I think the very fact that you see a letter as a reasonable option shows that you're not thinking clearly either - maybe you both need a break?
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  7. David Getling

    David Getling Lead commenter

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2016
  8. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Don't do it.

    You'll look silly.
    You'll make your husband look like an infant.
    The HT will likely take it out on your husband.
    The HT (if s/he knows where you work) could make life very difficult for you.

    No, no, no.
  9. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    The sentiment is there but you're better off speaking to your husband. I hope you get things sorted.
    missRV likes this.
  10. nical73

    nical73 Occasional commenter

    I don't think I have explained myself clearly. I have supported my husband, along with the union through a tough three years. He is currently off on WRS and has seen OH etc. I do speak to my husband every day about this issue. He knows about my wish to write this letter. I would not send any such letter whilst he is still employed there. I was actually meaning in the future, if, and when he does leave. The state of this profession and the hoops people have to go through astounds me. The whole system of support and return to work is fine - when the head support is good. This has been tried already but has not improved. I would never do anything behind my husbands back and would always speak to him first. However, these people who affect their staff also need to realise the negative impact they also have on families too?
  11. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I do understand your reasons and admire your desire to help your spouse... these are noble sentiments.

    BUT... be aware for there is a breed of SLT [not all of them for sure] that will seize on a letter as weakness and use it to drive you husband from his post and possibly out of teaching. The letter will only serve to help them in their work.

    It is terrible that it has come to this terrible state of affairs but that's the reality in many schools.
    Scintillant likes this.
  12. Scintillant

    Scintillant Star commenter

    By the sound of it, the important thing to do is to get him out of there in one piece as soon as possible and then look to the future

    It's just a job.
    grumpydogwoman and lanokia like this.
  13. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    Don't do this. Much as you might want to. Your husband may well recover from his current situation and that last thing he would need is to be painted as someone whose wife speaks his script on his behalf.

    A letter from a GP, professional body, solicitor depending on what is best suitable is much more appropriate.

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