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let myself down...

Discussion in 'Jobseekers' started by Gila, May 28, 2012.

  1. so I finally I was in the position of being the dreaded internal candidate... applied for a permanent position in a school where I am covering a maternity leave. And then I stupidly messed up my interview lesson and didn't get it. My interview and presentation were great apparently. I knew I'd messed up very quickly, my lesson wasn't pitched at the right level. Feeling very very sad, as I love the school and would have loved to stay on longer than the maternity leave. Fed up with letting myself down - I know I'm a good teacher, why is it so hard to show in an interview lesson??? And how will I face everybody at work now that they know I wasn't good enough?
     
  2. so I finally I was in the position of being the dreaded internal candidate... applied for a permanent position in a school where I am covering a maternity leave. And then I stupidly messed up my interview lesson and didn't get it. My interview and presentation were great apparently. I knew I'd messed up very quickly, my lesson wasn't pitched at the right level. Feeling very very sad, as I love the school and would have loved to stay on longer than the maternity leave. Fed up with letting myself down - I know I'm a good teacher, why is it so hard to show in an interview lesson??? And how will I face everybody at work now that they know I wasn't good enough?
     
  3. I don't think some people realise how difficult it is to be the internal candidate. I went for an interview recently where one candidate already worked at the school and 2 of the other candidates kept making remarks about how much easier it was for him. Okay so you know the routine of the children and how the school works, but I felt sorry for this chap as there was so much pressure on him to be even better than anyone else due to his knowledge.
    It's a bit harsh if you lost out on the job due to the lesson as they must have already known what sort of teacher you are, and whether this was typical. Could it be that they want the newly appointed person to take on a particular area that another candidate just had more experience of? It wasn't that you were not good enough, just that another person's experience more closely matched what they were really looking for. That's what happened to me today.
    It doesn't make it less disappointing, but it does make it a little less personal.

    Good luck with getting a permanent position [​IMG]
     
  4. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    It's NOT that you 'weren't good enough'. it's <u>just your performance which let you down on this particular occasion.</u> Don't worry what you're colleagues will think, they'll probably be disappointed for you and wondering about how the new personwill fit in.
    Yes, you'll be annoyed with yourself and it will be difficult to leave a school where you're happy and settled.
    I'll see if I can find a suitable flower delivery on our Flowers . . . thread.
     
  5. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    So sorry Gila - you must be very disappointed.
    You just put on your best smile and do your job well - that's all you can do.
    Have you read all of Theo's clickables?
    Perhaps, once the dust has settled, you might be able to ask at the school what it was your lesson lacked and if they could give you some advice.
    Pop along to the flowers thread - I'll arrange for a special delivery for you.
     
  6. thanks for all your kind words - it does help. Even though I'm crying while I'm writing this... and I thought I could be really mature about this! I did pitch the lesson too low and realised it, had to do a written evaluation of it which apparently was spot on. The person who got it was a science specialist (the person who's leaving was the science coordinator), but I know it was the fact that my lesson wasn't challenging enough for the children which made me lose out. It's completely daft, as I usually expect too much!
     
  7. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter

    Oh hard, very very hard.
    No, not that you weren;t good enough, just that it wasn;t your day . . . And I do honestly think that it is just so difficult for internals, having to go into work the next day.
    Really really sorry for you.
    Nopw stuff yourself until you're sick . . .
    [​IMG]
    Best wishes
    _______________________________________
    TheoGriff. Member of the TES Careers Advice Service.
    For the full TES Weekend Workshop programme please visit www.tes.co.uk/careerseminars or contact advice@tes.co.uk for one-to-one sessions.
     
  8. thank you Theo - still feeling very upset, so it's kind of you to try and make me feel better. It was hard walking back into school today, it really was. Because I know my lesson wasn't good enough I felt really ashamed. I will have to try and do what we tell the children all the time: keep on trying, and learn from your mistakes.
     
  9. I hear you as I had this problem a few weeks ago. I wasn't an internal candidate for a college job and I had to do a presentation instead of a lesson but I was also unhappy with how my presentation went and I subsequently messed up the answers to my questions too! I was absolutely furious with myself for it, esp as it was my first interview from being off with stress in a previous job last year and felt that this was what affected me on the day (i.e. nerves-until I became ill, I was a person who had no trouble with nerves in situations like this). I also had this problem when I was at the end of my PGCE course and was applying to work in my local college (I loved studying there as a student and really wanted to work there) but again, I didn't get the job because I fluffed the interview. I was absolutely devastated and cried buckets.


    At my lowest ebb, I've often cursed myself and the college for not getting (giving me) the job as I believe that I would have been happy there and avoided some of the issues that I've experienced as a teacher so far! However, I view things a lot differently these days! My view now is that I'm glad that it went wrong that day because it 'forced me' to find out more about good interview technique and preparation on here and in job hunting books and as difficult as I've found it in teaching so far, each job that I've had has given me the opportunity to do things I never would have dreamt of doing before going into teaching which then boosts my chances of doing better in the next interview that I attend. It also makes me a better teacher I think as each experience (job and interview) inspires me to do better for myself and my students! E.g. What I learned from my most recent 'humiliation' (which is how it felt at the time) is that I was pushing myself too soon to be 'well' instead of just making the most of the teaching job that I already have (part-time holiday work which is why I'm still job hunting) and using it to help myself get fully well again. It was also a useful way of sussing out a) if I wanted to work at the college b) if I was ready to be in an interview or formal situation. As well as realising, I wasn't ready to be in a formal interview situation, I also realised that I did actually want to work there and that my ideas about what I want from where I work are possible rather than idealistic which is motivating me to stay in teaching


    Ajahn Brahm (the man in my profile picture) summed it up nicely when he said that there is no failure and that you don't let yourself down. In fact, it's good when things go wrong because it makes life more interesting and when stuff doesn't go according to plan (i.e. not getting a job that you want), a thousand other possibilities open up! He also said who cares what other people think? What we do is more important!

    I bet that we will find a job that we like just as well if not better very soon! My fingers are crossed that we will. As for your colleagues, I'm sure that all they feel is sorry for you (as in sympathetic not pity) and will want to give you some nice flowers etc when you go and tell you how much they miss you!


    Good luck!
     
  10. thank you so much for such a long, sensitive and encouraging reply. In a funny way it all really applies to me as well. I haven't been ill, but my husband had a very bad accident in March and I've had some very anxious and stressful times because of that recently (he's fine now, thankfully). I guess I wasn't really ready for this interview yet... I wish you lots of luck, and would like to say that somebody as perceptive and kind as you should absolutely get a job! For myself, I will just try and do my best in the maternity leave I have until xmas, and try and look forward to finding the right job next year.
     
  11. scienceteacha

    scienceteacha New commenter

    I always get the feeling that any interview with an internal candidate falls into one of two extremes, either the internal has it and all other candidates are window dressing or the reverse, the internal is only offered an interview to make them feel better!
    Did the school simply appoint a cheaper model?
     
  12. Hi again Gila
    Thanks for your reply and compliments which were totally unexpected in a nice way! :)
    I'm sorry to hear about your husband's accident but am delighted that he's on the mend!
    I'm also glad that like me you have something else to do until something else turns up! It will, believe me! ;-)
    Glad that you found my post helpful as you sounded very down!
    Take care and lots of luck with the next job hunt!
     

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