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Let down by a friend

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by brettgirl2, May 13, 2011.

  1. You have every right to be furious. How good a friend is this? If it is someone who in honesty is a work friend then I would probably get the three of them together, make it absolutely plain it goes no further and be very careful what you tell her in future.
    It's always interesting, a friend told me she was pregnant and to tell nobody. I followed that instruction as given. She met up with my husband and our 2 daughters who are a similar age and made a cryptic comment to my husband about being pregnant (because she obviously assumed I would have told him). He was very, very confused and didn't like to ask her what she was on about. I guess my point is that telling no-one has a different meaning to different people.
    If I am to be generous I guess they were worried about you and directly asked her what the problem is. I know when I was pregnant last time my boss was really worried about me because I was acting so strangely (early bleeding and sickness) and he was visibly relieved when I told him. The only friend I had told had been interrogated but she lied and said she didn't know what was going on.
     
  2. I would be angry too... I had a very similar situation. I had to tell HOD as I went off for an early scan in the holidays and had another booked.
    Annoyingly, the school ended up being closed on the second scan, due to snow... so I could have got away without mentioning it.
    SO MANY people knew before I told them...and I still was not 'safe'. I was so peed off. Even some of the students found out.... I was seething.

    Anyway. I am about as assertive as a sprout and hate confrontation so didn't say anything. I just went mental to my husband and didn't do anything. I would have a word and say, VERY FIRMLY, you do not want it going any further- you will tell people and nobody else will.
     
  3. I'm going to take the opposite view.
    I don't think your friend did it with any malice at all. I know that you want to tell people yourself but s/he was probably trying to do the right thing by you. You were in an awful situation and to stop colleagues asking about why you were off when you got back (which may or may not have been with good news) she told your line managers. I think s/he was probably trying to help. Whatever happens now then at least your managers should be able to support you without asking all sorts of awkward questions which you may or may not be ready to answer.
    If s/he only told them to gossip then you have every right to be angry but I doubt she did it to steal your thunder. Did she know of your decision to limit who else you told before she did this? Did they ask her why you were off or did she volunteer the information?
    I hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and that your friend did do this with your best interests at heart.
     
  4. Unfortunately schools are like that... I told my head about my pregnancy at 6 weeks due to spotting etc and the whole SLT knew by the end of the day. Some teachers told kids before I had, everyone knew I was having a girl etc. I too was furious and I think you need to make it clear to those in the know that no one else finds out. I don't understand it really as everyone knows not to say anything before 12 weeks! Saying that, there was one guy who had clearly guessed from my greenish complexion weeks before I said anything and he just smiled and didn't say a word until I told him. So some people can keep it to themselves!
     
  5. I was kinda forced into telling my HoD who wanted to know whether i was going to have more appointments. She made me feel uncomfortable and under pressure (I was only 9 weeks). Told her not to tell anyone else but think she did as another colleague asked me and i was surprised as i wasn't showing. i told the Head and everyone else after my first scan.

    Apart from it being too early, I also didn't wanted to divulge the information because I did not want it to affect my threshold application, but it was rejected and now I'm not sure.
     
  6. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    Can I speak as someone who has been through pregnancy, and multiple miscarriages prior to successful one.....
    Keep it in perspective. Quite seriously I didn't realise until I looked back at how inflamed I got in my head over things, but hormonal fuelled reactions affected me greatly. Convey your upset, but be rational an accept that perhaps pregnancy is amplifying how you feel about things just now.
     

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