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Learning walks breaking me

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Depressedandbroken, Jan 13, 2020.

  1. Depressedandbroken

    Depressedandbroken New commenter

    I was dreading staying in teaching after being suicidal but reduced my hours to 0.4fte over 3 days hoping that would help. Last week was my first week back and I was observed on my first teaching day of new term. I am being observed again on weds this week. My feedback from last lesson was that two of my students (from bottom set mostly sen) were unable to explain what I was teaching them. 50% of my dept left before Xmas but I am too shaken to even start job hunting. I cannot sleep and am struggling to survive due to the dread of it all. Yet I love working with the kids....and yes, just like most teachers, I am under GP and on antidepressants.
    pepper5 likes this.
  2. suzuki1690

    suzuki1690 New commenter

    So sorry, you should take time off see your doctor tomorrow and get signed off. Your health means nothing until you lose it and the people that are putting you through this couldn't do your job thats why they left it. Look after you, get away from it to get some perspective. If your friend told you what you had just said what would you tell them? Im retired I just had enough and any school that gives you an observation so early on in the year is heartless. Phone your doctor tomorrow and insist on being seen, you are far from being on your own on this. Imagine what you would tell a friend and dont go in.
    jlishman2158, ATfan, pepper5 and 3 others like this.
  3. Foux da fa fa

    Foux da fa fa New commenter

    This is so upsetting. My school use the same tactics. Go to your doctor. Tell them that this is what they are doing. Instead of offering support, criticising your lesson. Ask them to put phased return in your next note. Shame on them.
    jlishman2158, ATfan, pepper5 and 3 others like this.
  4. colacao17

    colacao17 Senior commenter

    There needs to be a site somewhere which collects and shares data on staff turnover on an ongoing basis. To have 50% of a department leave should be warning bells enough for anyone who is thinking of applying there but to have that happen at Christmas is even more alarming.

    Good schools are becoming increasingly hard to find it seems, but that's no reason for living the life you're currently living, especially if there's no light at the end of the tunnel since you're not applying for other posts.

    Something has to change- Your school/management probably isn't going to make that change so you need to make a change for yourself. Doctor first, look after yourself and give yourself time to decide what's best for you
  5. starlightexpress

    starlightexpress Occasional commenter

    So you were observed on your first teaching day back after being off work with illness? Have they shared why you’re on such frequent observations? Is it now a support plan post last week’s feedback?

    From what you say, you do not sound well. Under GP, on medication and now additional symptoms. Is it worth seeing GP and explaining how you feel at the moment? You’re not going to present the best in your next observation if you’re not in the best place.
  6. Jolly_Roger15

    Jolly_Roger15 Star commenter

    I am sorry to hear what the school is doing to you. It sounds one of those places that delights in testing teachers to destruction.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2020
    steely1, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  7. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Do you think it was meant as a threat to you?

    They have to write something on the damned feedback form. Something negative. Sorry, sorry! Points where there's room for improvement! So sorry.

    I'd be: "Yeah. They didn't get it. And? That's why they're in this group, duh!"

    It could be the opening salvo in a bid to get rid of you but they agreed an hours reduction so it sounds as if they like/need you. I'd take it as just another blindingly stupid thing jobsworths write on forms to justify their existence. It seems to be a very common comment. I think they have 10 top comments and they just rotate them. Don't let it get to you. UNLESS there's evidence that they ARE after you.
    gingerhobo48, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  8. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    If youre still really suffering, get signed off again. Sod them.
    jlishman2158, steely1, Curae and 3 others like this.
  9. phlogiston

    phlogiston Star commenter

    Good old "find the sleepiest or least focused kid in the room and ask them what's occurring ". Never fails!
  10. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    Time to leave. No need to put up with this soul destroying experience. Heath first the rest CAN wait!
  11. timedout

    timedout New commenter

    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. It is so difficult to see clearly when you are in this position. Please look at the HSE guidelines for how employers should be managing stress at work. They should have completed a risk assessment for you at the very least. My advice would be to keep a comprehensive record of everything just in case and to go back to your Doctor. I was a grade 1/2 teacher but got stage fright before any sort of observation. I would literally get the desire to run away. My manager knew this was my Achilles heel and used it as a way to push me when I wouldn't conform to his register and grade manipulation. I loved teaching and, like you, I was reluctant to give it up, but It destroyed my health for years and I have finally walked away.
    agathamorse likes this.

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