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Learning to care for yourself...

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by marshypops, Feb 20, 2011.

  1. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I think I've forgotten how to do this.
    I've spent so long caring for others, putting their needs before mine that I actually find it impossible to do something for me without feeling guilty and selfish.
    There are days when I can't even plan something for myself because there will be a part of my brain saying "you don't deserve this".
    Even when I have spare time I always end up using it to help someone else.
    I'm even sat here thinking that I am being self-centred/ self-absorbed for thinking these things.
    Is there anyone who can offer me some advice? Or am I being pathetic (which is what my brain is currently telling me).
    Thank you for reading.
  2. Oh dear. I am not sure I can offer you advice but you certainly aren't pathetic! It sounds like you certainly need some "you" time. Perhaps if you think about why you need time and space for yourself it might help. You will be a happier and healthier person for having some "you" time -once you have learnt to have some!
    Do you have something that you used to enjoy doing? I find knitting helps me. It might sound silly but I'm not very good at it so I have to concentrate on what I'm doing which stops the brain going over and over everything. Then I give my slightly mishapen but made with love scarves to my friends and family! (Even if they only wear them from their car to my front door....)
    I hope you find something that you can enjoy doing which is just for you or for sharing with friends.
    Good luck!
  3. Perhaps you could ease yourself into a different approach gently. If you think of 'doing things for myself" as "making myself stronger and better able to contribute" then you've got a consistent reason for taking some quiet time to regroup your resources or doing something lively just for fun to blow the cobwebs away.
    All you need to do is to find a way to change what you do and how you do it, and the mindset will adjust to match. If you have to kid yourself into doing certain things to get started, why worry?
  4. No you are not pathetic marshypops. You sound worn out.
    If you would like to PM me, please do. I can help you. You are me five years ago.
    C x

  5. I imagine that you are, or have been in a situation where if you go under the rest of them will, too. If you aren't careful you might end up hugely resentful of what you are doing, feeling undervalued etc when everyone else maybe thinks you are OK. Everyone needs to have time to themselves, or little treats or time to chat with friends, whatever is your thing. My experience has left me a bit reclusive - in order to cope I had to withdraw. I am very gregarious when with other people but crave peace. i don't want to bang on about myself but intellectually you know that you need to do this, even if emotionally you are finding it hard. If others find it hard, you need to remember that it will be a whole lot easier than coping without you. I hope you find a way of getting through this, and I mean what I have said very kindly. I hope I haven't got hold of the wrong end of the stick.
  6. ljr

    ljr New commenter

    How about starting with a walk, or maybe a swim - you get out of the house and so you can't do anything for anybody else. I find that when I make the decision to go swimming it takes at least an hour and a half of my time, even longer if I can convince myself to have a coffee afterwards. Its something I can't stop short - I HAVE to spend time getting dried afterwards. I am working on stopping at the shops on the way home. The more I get used to spending time on myself th easier it gets.
  7. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I think this sums up how I feel at present.
    Thank you everyone, for all your posts, this will seem a bit bonkers but I'm struggling to work out what I like to do! For example, I can knit but I'm sat here wondering if I actually enjoy doing it?
    Anyway, as it's half-term I'm going to re-read all your advice and fit something in that just involves me.
    Thankyou everyone x


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