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Just found out that my mum has cancer.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Winnie Woo, Feb 27, 2011.

  1. Winnie Woo

    Winnie Woo New commenter

    Poor you. It is such a shock and in a way it is easier when it's us rather than those we love who are ill. You are lucky to have a faith. I can't say anythhing to help, just wanted to offer you a hug. X
  2. She has had more time to come to terms with it. In many ways it's easier for the patient than their loved ones. This has been an awful shock for you but as you say, the chances are very good that she'll make a full recovery, and she can probably please herself if she has a reconstruction after.
    Look after yourself (and her!) XXX
  3. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Oh poor Beth and Beth's Mum. I feel for you....really I do. Can't say much but sending love and hugs to both of you.
  4. You will get it into some sort of perspective. We all have to try to do so.
    And, as you say, the chances of recovery are very good nowadays.
  5. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    My sincerest sympathies Bethannie - I had similar news about my Mum on Wednesday. In her case a brain tumour. My step-dad already has a terminal brain tumour - they're now in adjoining buildings in the same hospital, and she's awaiting transfer elsewhere for surgery. We manage to get them together for very brief periods each day, but one's confused and the other's struggling to speak - it's heartbreaking to watch. They only married 18 months ago.
    I have to be brutally honest with myself and say thank God it's not happening to me. It's the only way I can focus sufficiently on getting my head round it and giving them both the support they're going to need.
    Just deal with it one day at a time from now Bethannie - I really hope things work out for the best.
  6. Hi Bethannie,
    I haven't really got any advice but didn't want to read your post without replying. I understand what you mean that it would almost be easier if it were you - the feeling of helplessness when it is someone we love going through a trauma can be overwhelming. However, you can be a tremendous support to your mum with your love and prayers. Try to stay positive, and be kind to yourself too,
    best wishes and a ((big hug))
  7. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    Terribly sorry to hear this, Beth. I hope there is something they can do for her and it's not too uncomfortable.
    I remember vividly when my mum called me with news of her cancer. She'd been told there was nothing that could be done to cure it, just treatments to make the remainder of her life more comfortable. I didn't honestly know what to say to her at the time.
    At this particular time in my life I worked in the physics dept. of a major London hospital with close ties to the radiotherapy dept. She asked me to do what I could and so I discussed her case with a consultant kind enough to speak to her doctors in Cornwall. He told me his assessment was also that nothing could be done other than manage the discomfort.
    It was tough having to tell my mum this depressing news. I felt like I'd let her down big time, and I feel as I type, I'm also letting you down without offering you hope. I don't pretend to have much knowledge of cancer other than it kills some people and others survive, a testament to the survivers would be Bob Champion, the jockey who survived his cancer and went on to win the Grand National in 1981. He's still with us and looking pretty fit for his age.
  8. catherinaaa

    catherinaaa New commenter

    I'm sorry Bethannie, am sending you some Bavarian hugs.
  9. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    ((((Bethannie and magicsurfbus))))
  10. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Sending you all my best,Beth.
  11. Nothing useful to say, Beth but I will keep you both in my prayers

  12. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    Beth, truly sorry to hear this. I'd echo what Lily has said - when I had breast cancer I took it a lot better than my OH did. Getting treatment was my way of being proactive. Sometimes I guess you just feel helpless when you're on the sidelines looking on. Sending my love to you and your Mum.
  13. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    It makes perfect sense, but remember that your mother is strong and would hate it to be you rather than her. I remember the dreadful shock and misery when my mother told me that she had breast cancer. She was very brave, as I'm sure your mother is being. For her, worrying that I would wish it on me rather than her wouldn't have helped her at the time, though I'm sure she had dark times enough.
    Bethannie, I hope you don't mind me posting that. It's not a criticism in any way at all. Your love and loyalty are what make you feel like what you wrote in the bit of your post that I've quoted. Butyour mother's heart would have been broken if it had been you rather than her.
    As you say, recovery and long-term remission rates are great. It's time to be strong in fornt of your mum, but not to the extent that you feel unable to show her how devastated you are.
    Take care

  14. katycustard

    katycustard Occasional commenter

    Bethannie and Magic Surf Bus, thinking of you both and your families. x
  15. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    So sorry to hear your news Bethannie. I know all cancers are different and i am never very good at these threads but there is loads of cause for optimism as treatment is very good nowadays. My ex mum in law had breast cancer 18 years ago aged 70 and is still going strong and my own dear Mum had it the year before last and is now fine. There will be many ups and downs for you and your Mum in the coming months but it is hard to plan for, She will through all stages fron initial shock to acceptance and coping with what it throws at here. Just be there to talk and to help when needed. Getting a really good wig was the main thing which got my Mum through it psychologically.
  16. Si N. Tiffick

    Si N. Tiffick Occasional commenter

    So sorry to hear this, Beth. Sending my very best hugs to you both.
  17. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    oww beth! look after yourself and mum.

    It will be a bumpy ride but we have a fab healthcare system.
  18. Beth, I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I'm 25 and in August, my mum (age 50) was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything you are feeling is totally normal. For a few days I could barely eat and felt sick. I couldn't stop crying. However, I promise you those feelings will ease as time passes. Sure, they came back a bit when she had her operation and treatment, but, as unbelievable as this sounds, you kind of get 'used' to the diagnosis and just start to 'get on with it.' I think it helped that my mum was really positive throughout and tried to keep as normal as possible by going out with her friends when she could and keeping to her normal routine as much as possible.

    You have every right to feel upset and sometimes you just have to have a bloody good cry to get it out of your system. Thankfully breast cancer is very treatable these days. Six months on and you honestly wouldn't know what my mum has been through!! Her prognosis is good and she is now on Tamoxifen for five years to try and prevent the cancer from coming back. She came across many similar stories to her own with positive outcomes.

    Thinking of you and please let me know if you have any questions or just need to talk. xx
  19. Really sorry you've had this news. I don't have anything profound to say that will help but would just like to say that when I was going through my breast cancer scare, I found the treatment and speed of it incredible. It was reassuring to find out that there is an enormous amount of money ploughed into the NHS for breast cancer, even in this climate, and that recovery rates are good because of the world-class treatement in this country. It doesn't take the worry away though, I know!
    Best wishes and kind thoughts to you.
  20. Good luck Bethannie. I am sure that you will be a great comfort to your mum. I know how much you adore her x

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