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Just found out my boyfriend was married...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lillipad, Apr 3, 2011.

  1. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    We've been together for 6 months, i'm 26, he's 31. He told me right at the beginning of our relationship that he had a child, yet some how missed this vital piece of information that he's a divorcee out.... I found out because he was tagged in some pictures on facebook from the year 2000 and lo and behold he's got a wedding ring on.

    It's not the being married... it's the fact that he didn't tell me... You know? :(
  2. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    it is just a piece of paper
  3. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    It's not the marriage. It's just a big part of his past to 'omit.'
  4. Maybe he doesn't think it's important. Talk to him about it, not us.
  5. i was married many years ago and to be honest it seems like another life. WIth most women it is more obvious (I am Mrs Gorgy!) but did you ever actually discuss it? I had a really weird conversation recently when I met an ex-student who knew me in my other life - no one I mix with nowadays ever thinks of me as with anyone except Mr G. Mr G once didn't tell me something about his life which I thought was very significant, someone else mentioned it. He couldn't see the problem, just hadn't thought to mention it.
  6. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Sorry for wanting to talk to someone out of the situation about it in a 'personal' forum.
  7. errrm, no I don't know.
    What difference does it make? He told you about the child?
    I don't go around speaking of my ex marital status either. It has nothing to do with my me now.
    I mention children - many children are born out of wedlock.
    Am I supposed to reel off all of my past life (although I would mention I was married)?
    Just what difference does it make? You know about the child.
    His child is important to him - he mentioned it.
    What is the problem with him not mentioning he was married? Perhaps he assumed you put two and two together?

  8. Surely better that he had a child as part of a committed relationship than wanders around impregnating women he has no care for?
  9. To be honest, saying I was once married is not something I think of mentioning at all.
  10. Msz

    Msz Established commenter

    It would be a problem if he didn't mention that is still married but I don't see a past (long over) marriage as an issue.
  11. It was a flippant tone but the sentiment is sincere. You'll get lots of thoughts and opinions here but surely the one that matters is that of your boyfriend. He might have a good reason for not telling you or he might just have forgotten he hadn't told you, maybe seeing the fact that he has a child as the more important "confession".
  12. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I can easily see why you are unhappy about this. It does seem strange that he would tell you about a child but not about a previous committed relationship. Perhaps it was really important to him and he didn't want to discuss it with you - still hurt maybe. If he's important to you , you'll need to tread gently but you do need to talk to him about it. I think the fact he didn't mention it,indicates that it was significant, not trivial so that might be what you'll have to deal with.
  13. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    All men are b*stards; best have nothing to do with them.
  14. I would be put out if a bf had ommitted this info. Understandably you don't just 'come out' with that kind of info but after 6 months you should have found out by now, from him not from a photo. My bf talks about ex girlfriends so why not ex wives? I'd be seriously ****** off it this was me.
  15. Best not to have anything to do with women either.
    I don't understand the problem - surely it would be worse if he had not mentioned the child?
    Does it really matter if he was married or not?
    I am trying to think of a situation where I would actually mention it. It might crop up at some point, but I don't think anyone has ever asked me either!
  16. One hand ... child relevant to your relationship, pervious wife irrelevant (hopefully)

    Other hand ... I (personally) would not wish to form a committed relationship with a divorcee so it would matter greatly if I were in the OP's shoes
  17. I think I'd be a bit stunned in the OP's position as well. The news would hit me like a punch in the stomach. Rationally, I know what you're all saying is true, that it's in the past and doesn't really matter, but I think if I were in the OP's position i'd need a while to come round to thinking that way.
    OP, give it a few days to think about it and I'm sure you'll feel better. Let your boyfriend know that this has surprised you but that it doesn't matter and that you just need time to get used to the idea.
  18. OMG I can't believe you just said that. Why? Are we unclean?
  19. Why on ever not? Are we second class citizens, failures, not worthy of love?
    I do not wish to tread on toes, but is not your first child from a former relationship?
  20. Sorry - to RF, post 16.

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