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Just found out my boyfriend kissed someone else

Discussion in 'Personal' started by sciencequeen00, Jan 16, 2011.

  1. sciencequeen00

    sciencequeen00 New commenter

    Im gutted , bf just told me that last night he kissed another girl.
    He told me as wanted to be honest.
    Happened after they had got back from a club.Before he had met me he previously had a fling with this girl so I was always on my guard if she was out or he went out and she was out.

    Hvae been with him 3 years

    Anyway he had had a big bust up with his best friend at the club, was crying, very drunk...

    Went back to sort himself out after club and stayed at a friends, this girl also went as is best friends with his mates girlfriend.

    Ended up coming onto him, they kissed, he says she asked for sex but by that point he had realised what had happened.
    He has never done this before, says it was biggest mistake of his life.

    I am so so angry with this bit"h!!!

    What should I do, we live together
  2. 1. I'd ignore anything he had to offer as damage limitation and try to find out what really happened.
    2. He told you because he knew you'd find out and thought it would sound more "honest" coming from him.
    3. Insist that he does not attend functions where this drunken, presumably-still-single ex is likely to be because she'll do it again and he will remain to spineless to brush her off.
    4. To punish him, tell him you can't, sorry, just take his word for it that nothing beyond a kiss happened ("She was begging for it" - really) so you'd l,ike him to go for a STI test, and you'd like to be around when he gets the results.
    What a jerk. But lots of people are jerks when they're pissed.
  3. Only you will know whether or not to forgive, and it will depend on a number of factors - whether you believe him, for a start. Whether he seems to feel genuinly guilty. Whether your relationship is strong, secure, and positive the rest of the time.
    If you love him and feel he has just made a mistake, forgive him and move on as a stronger couple. If he's being truthful, it was a one off, instigated by her, fuelled by alcohol and he stopped himself from going any further. He's also told you straightaway and not tried to hide it.
    Id forgive him but make it clear that you wont stand for it again, and want him to tell her he wants nothing more to do with her.
  4. Being very drunk is such a pathetic excuse.
    You have to choose if you want to forgive him and move on. Personally I wouldn't, but that's just going from my own bad experience.
  5. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    oh purleeze
    "imagine my surprise when I found her tongue wrapped around my tonsils. Isn't it lucky nothing further happened."
    Be angry with both of them
  6. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    Okay, he is a bit daft for telling you but it is almost a mark in his favour so chill.
    You may be cross, jealous and disappointed but what is the point? I think you should extract a promise from him that that he will phone you before any more kissing with anyone ever. Because you expect to be consulted. Sounds reasonable. End of problem.
    Don't waste time being gutted, you could probably toe his testicles too but really? I think you should make a conscious decision that it isn't worth the hassle and put it behind you.

  7. roman_eagle

    roman_eagle New commenter

    So sorry to hear about this, I would be devastated. The girl involved sounds very sly and manipulative but sorry to say he could have resisted kissing her

    On the other hand, SHE did pick a weak moment to pounce and he did admit it. I guess it depends on how your relationship has been prior to this. Personally if it were my bloke I don't think I would be able to relax unless I was sure the girl could be guaranteed not to be there and that's not realistic.

    I don't think my advice is up to much but I wanted you to know I was angry on your behalf!
  8. I cheated on my ex and told him straight away. It was a big mistake (also with an ex) and made me realise how much he meant to me and that I hated myself for hurting him. It never happened again.

    Just over a year after, I found out he was kind of seeing someone else and confronted him. He promised it would stop. It didn't. I gave him another chance but still it continued.

    I think only you can decide what to do. He could be really sorry like I was and never do it again. He could also think 'well I got away with a kiss, I wonder how far I can go'.
  9. Erm ... so he says

    Only you can decide if you want to forgive him

    He goes out, falls out with his best mate ... the, instead of coming home for you to comfort him ... ... ...

    That would be my take
  10. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I'd also not accept the "She was the aggressor, she came on to me" line. This is usually b0ll0cks, in my experience. At the very list, I'd always believe that things were mutual. Drunk or not, he is not incapable of saying 'No, I have a girlfriend, leave me alone'.
  11. I can't think of a more acceptable one myself.
  12. Personally, I think you shouldn't <u>do</u> anything until the dust has settled a bit. Much better to make a reasoned decision in a calm atmosphere than a rushed decision when everything is a bit heated.
    I think you'll know what to do when you've had a chance to reflect on it calmly.
  13. Cor I wish I was married to you every time I did something dumb!
  14. Hmmm a part of me says, he was silly and made a mistake adn he owned up. However, another part of me says he betrayed the woman he is supposed to love. Is it worth ending a relationship over? Probably not but he has betrayed trust which is the biggest thing.

    If Mr c kissed someone else I would be upset but would forgive, if he was unfaithful it would be the end as in the past I forgave infidelities only for them to happen again. Mr c said he would forgive a kiss but not sex.
  15. Come on. PEople do stupid things when they are p.issed. One chance. ONE.
  16. I've made that many bad moves based on "heat of the moment" feelings that I can't bring myself to do that these days.
    Husband would rather get it over and done with there and then so it's not actually ideal. More to do with my hang ups (the many of them) I expect[​IMG]
  17. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    Wouldn't a nice talk be worse than a barney involving intemperate language?
  18. lardylegs

    lardylegs Occasional commenter

    The girl was obviously shoving her **** in his face. He was very drunk, so all he saw was ****.

    He told you, so he feels bad. I'd direct all my venom at her and give him another chance. One chance, that is.
  19. I never understand this attitude

    He has broken a trust, she has not
  20. I dot understand it either. She is free and single to do as she pleases. He is the one who obviously has so little respect for his girlfriend that he will kiss her and blame it on alcohol and a bust up with a friend. If he was remorseful he wouldn't be trying to make excuses for it.

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