I’ve just began my fourth year of teaching at a 2 form entry primary school. I’ve just relocated to the area and have moved in with my partner. Lots of new things have happened to me over the summer! Here’s something is took me a long time to admit. I’ve always had battles with anxiety and self esteem. They’ve varied in their severity and how much of an impact they’ve had on my life but right now I can feel myself spiralling and worry I’ll spend a large part of this year having to get signed off. I’m beginning to question whether teaching and the workload, pressure and stress we have put upon us is a trigger for me and I’m now more certain it is. This devastated me as I thought I’d wanted to be a teacher since I was 12 years old and it’s what I trained to do for 3 years at university. In all honesty, I feel deflated and defeated right now and that I’ve failed. This new school also does things in a way that I don’t necessarily agree with, primarily in terms of behaviour management and teaching and learning style, which has also been causing me to become more anxious. I’ve been feeling physically sick at the thought of going in and know it can’t continue. I appreciate this is early days but I’ve been given an overview of the way this year is going to look and I can’t say I’m pleased. I know for my mental heath and wellbeing and for the children and school having a mentally fit and able teacher, I need to leave at Christmas. However, I am scared what this is going to do for me future career wise. I don’t know if the school will be reluctant to give me a reference if I leave after such a short amount of time and potentially “leave them in the lurch”. I feel so uncertain about what to do as I don’t think I can mentally cope with a whole year here, but at the same time I don’t know what the future will hold for me career wise if I leave teaching potentially without a reference. I’m considering supply from January while I look for non-teaching roles.