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I've lost my confidence...

Discussion in 'Trainee and student teachers' started by ookiedookie, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Hi there,
    I hope someone can offer some advice!
    I am a PGCE student and I should have qualified in July. I became very ill and had to stop my final teaching placement a few days in.
    I passed the 1st and 2nd placements with flying colours and made a great impression in both schools. Not blowing my own trumpet - but my mentor told me that my lessons where the kind of thing she would expect to see from an experienced CT. ( I know I pulled out all the stops for my obs. and I have a LOT to learn)
    I am trying to arrange going back into a school to complete the final placement and I find myself on an emotional rollercoaster - I can't wait to get back and at the same time I am absolutely dreading it.
    I knew I was becoming ill but I had no time to see a doctor. Then I had a 'funny turn' in front of the pupils, had to leave the classroom, collapsed in the toilets etc.. and had to leave.
    Now I keep thinking of how it must have looked and how stupid I am for letting it happen.
    I think I was a pretty good trainee teacher, I had excellent observations and my mentor was very pleased with me. When I left I gave all of my planning/ hand made resources to the CT and heard absolutely nothing from her after that.
    I keep thinking I am going to be 'blacklisted'. The though of standing infront of the children makes me so nervous. I used to be fine, really outgoing and confident. I cannot imagine being the teacher I thought I had the potential to be.
    I dont want to tell all of this to my mentor - as she has this impression of me - that I am 100% 'on it' ... I dont know whether I should speak to a counsellor at uni - or If I am making a mountain out of mole hill.
    If I go back and just get a 'satisfactory' - I am not showing progress... I cannot be the same person that I was..... how do I get my confidence back?
     
  2. Cervinia

    Cervinia Occasional commenter

    Everyone gets nervous at some point. However, if you allow this to affect your teaching/physical state, how do you expect to be a teacher?

    Nerves are usually much worse when you have time to think about something. Things hanging over you. It's quite possible that these will disappear when you get in front of a class on a regular basis.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Gosh you poor thing. I can't really help as I am just in to my first placement but I will say, I had glandular fever near the start and was off for weeks. Back in the swing now but I know that by the time I started getting better I was very depressed and my confidence was knocked. Which is not really like me. I think your fears about being "blacklisted" and only getting a satisfactory are really not rational (not meaning to insult you I just think there is no basis for you to think this, it is simply terribly unlikely to happen). I wish you the best of luck and am sure you will be fine once you are back in school. All the best and please don't be so tough on yourself, illness happens and next time you may look after your health better (I know I shall as I'm sure I made my illness worse by carrying on until I was simply too weak to move). Also please share your concerns with your mentor, they are understandable and he/she needs to know where you are coming from. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Best of luck xxxx
     
  4. Ookie... I also deferred my final placement due to illness. I also had an 'incident' at school before I left. I am due to begin my deferred placement in a couple of weeks and I can really empathise with some of your feelings and anxieties. I wasn't the most confident person to start off with and whilst I'm not too worried about standing in front of a class I have a number of other worries - the closer it gets the more anxious I feel. As someone else said - having time to think about it is probably making things worse and hopefully once you're back on your placement you won't have the time to worry! If you want someone to chat to more specifically to get those worries off your chest feel free to PM me.
     
  5. loranp

    loranp New commenter

    I find it hard to believe that you would be 'blacklisted' because you were ill - the vast majority of schools will understand what it's like during your PGCE year and that it's very difficult to find any time to visit the doctor (/dentist/hairdresser/etc!). You sound like you have made an extremely positive impression on both schools.
    It's totally normal to feel nervous about going back into the classroom. I'm in my second year of being qualified and I still feel twitchy about going back after half term, even. Just ensure that you are well-prepared for your lessons at least for the first day to give your confidence a boost. Once you actually get back into it it will be a lot less scary than you've imagined! If you're not as amazing as you were straight away, don't beat yourself up over it, just cut yourself some slack an allow yourself chance to get back into the swing of things. Very few teachers are 100% brilliant 100% of the time!
    If you think it would help you, I would certainly speak to a counsellor at uni, at the very least he or she might be able to give you some tips about how to stay calm and confident.
    You still have the potential to be that amazing teacher, you won't have lost all those skills. Best of luck!
     

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