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Its the thought that counts, NOT!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by daffodilval, Dec 26, 2010.

  1. My 21 yr old son who still lives at home, (and works hard all year) tends to hit the town during the holiday season, he did this BIG style this year.
    We dropped him off in town to do his xmas shopping at Noon on xmas eve, he returned ( a LOT worse for wear) at 12.30pm on Xmas day! He had someone else to do his shopping for him as late as 5pm on xmas eve, he handed his gifts over, unwrapped, accompanied by xmas cards, which his friend also wrote...he called it, 'using his inititive...I call it something else!
  2. Richie Millions

    Richie Millions New commenter

    Typical selfish parental attitude. You give birth to them to live a life of pain and then think you deserve eternal thanks for your moment of pleasure. You say he works hard kick him out if you would like to see him live on the street. Shame on you !
  3. derekdalek

    derekdalek New commenter

    I'd be annoyed at the not coming home for hours bit without letting you know where he was - thats inconsiderate of him and worrying for you.
    He shouldnt treat your house like a hotel. A bit of consideration is all thats required. I hope you gave him a big plate of sprouts for his dinner!
  4. Wish I'd thought of that!
  5. I am impressed that he arrived home with all his pressies.
  6. Well, I wished I had put the same amount of thought into his presents..haha
  7. Until I read Eva s post I thought he had arrived home in the midle of the night ... Having reread the op I am appalled by the behaviour ... Mine has been well selfish in his time but that is awful ... IMO
  8. At 21 you are more than old enough to be able to think of others and the consequences of your actions/behaviour on others.

  9. I am correct in thinking that the op has a mother in hospital at the moment too ... Am I not
  10. There don't appear to have been any consequences though.
    I hope that the young man had the grace to apologise to his mother for what was unacceptable behaviour; it seems the very least he could do.
  11. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I totally agree, PFF. At 21, I was more than old enough to appreciate the expense my mother went to to host Christmas lunch for 6-8 people, plus the work required to cook the meal. Moreover, I genuinely spent time finding out what my parents and brother would appreciate as gifts, and bought them carefully, in advance, so that the gift was worth much more than just whatever I could get my hands on at the last minute. Moreover, I'm sure my mother would much rather I turned up with no presents at all, but was there to help with Christmas lunch and to enjoy in the 'making of' the day, rather than rock up drunk just before lunch with bags of last minute presents that are probably not particularly suited to the receiver.
  12. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Whilst I would opine that the 21 year old son described in the OP is a pathetic little fraction of a man, I would also question what fraction of his behaviour is due to his innate character and what is the product of his upbringing.
    Could parenting be a contributing factor here?
  13. He's got the rest of his life to be responsible. 21 is the perfect age to get stinking drunk at Christmas.
  14. Just jumping in to back up fire girl a bit here. Also I think it seems that the OP overall has got quite a good relationship with her son so lets not get too melodramatic here.
    What i don't get in this discussion is that people confuse if they consider the son an adult or not. If we say he is an adult at 21 then surely it is up to him to choose how he wants to spend Christmas and who he wants to give presents to and how to wrap them? At the same time he should then also be treated as other adult members of the family - either you ignore his bad behaviour or you don't invite him next time round.
    That's my harsh advice anyway (i know in this case there are other circumstances as him living at home at the moment etc.) - if you treat him like a kid, he will behave like a kid.
    But also be honest to yourself, just because you guys attach a lot of emotions to each detail of christmas, doesn't mean others share that (i love my family but can't stand christmas, i have spent only 2 christmasses (sp?) after the age of 18 with my parents).
    If you really want him there, prioritise what is important - his presence when unwrapping the presents, getting thoughtful presents for others, helping out with the cooking and cleaning? what exactly do you need from him.

  15. akz

    akz New commenter

    Yeah and sod everyone else. Merry xmas to me and myself!!

    It is not about being responsible or not getting drunk it is about respecting other people, people who have shown him plenty of respect.

    In relation to the comment about upbringing, it does worry me that anyone with a grown up son would think this behaviour was OK. I am not referring to the OP though.
  16. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I'm sorry if I'm taking what you've said in the wrong way. However, to me, the quoted section above seems to suggest that, as an adult, this 21 year old should be allowed to behave however he likes, no matter how inappropriate (the turning up late and drunk at Christmas lunchtime) or how unhelpful (presumably he ate the meal prepared in his drunken absence) or how much he takes without giving back in equal measure (I suspect others may have put lots of thought into his gifts, where he put very little).
    This is very true, not everyone sees Christmas in the same way. However, if I was spending Christmas in someone else's home, I would be respectful enough to observe the day in a manner in keeping with my hosts. In this case, my parents. My own parents enjoy a quiet, but happy Christmas, with careful, thoughtful gifts and a lovely meal to share together. It happens that I enjoy this too, however, if I did not, I certainly wouldn't see fit to show up drunk and late.
    At 21 he is more that old enough to recognise that sometimes we should do things for the benefit of others.
  17. I totally agree with you akz on the respect bit. You see what would have happened in my family is that one of my uncles or my aunts would have taken us to the side and spoken to us, not shouted not argued but just putting it straight AND giving a way of redeeming ourselves. So hopefully another adult in the OP's family will be doing that and her son finds a way of redeeming himself.
  18. I can't believe that menana is saying that as adults we can behave as we choose, however badly. Isn't that precisely what is wrong in society today - too many people behaving as irresponsibly and selfishly as this particular young man with little regard for others' feelings.
    He must surely have known how hard his mother had worked to produce a family christmas and that there would have been expectations of a certain standard of behaviour.
    No, this is wholly unacceptable behaviour and should not be condoned even on the grounds of youth.
  19. For goodness' sake, the bad boy belongs in the OP's family not your one! What an over-reaction!
    Neither do I understand why the OP felt the need to draw everyone's attention to it, though...

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