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Is this is a big ask? How would you feel if ....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by tartetatin, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    you were to spend Christmas Day with a stranger?! Let me explain ....

    I have been doing some voluntary befriending work for a good few months now. I meet with a woman who lives in a deprived area once a week (always the same woman) and spend a couple of hours chatting with her, having coffee, playing with her baby, etc. She's a really nice person and a great mum and I thoroughly enjoy our meetings and care about her and the baby.

    She has social problems; is slightly agoraphobic, has some depression and anxiety, finds it difficult to talk to people. She doesn't really have friends locally, her mother died a couple of years back and her dad lives in England. She seems to really value and appreciate our befriending relationship.

    She has recently become a single parent and although doing a wonderful job with her wee one, understandably finds it hard going at times. When the relationship with her partner ended a few weeks ago, she mentioned quite in passing that she wasn't quite sure what to do for the baby's first Christmas. I offered to have them both over to ours for Christmas Day if stuck (it's the Glaswegian in me!). It looks like she may take me up on the offer.

    We have young daughters and a house full of toys, so I think they'd have a ball. Mr Tarte says he doesn't mind, for which I could hug him, but I hope it's not too much of an ask? Think he'd rather it was just us but will happily do it for me. I am excited at the thought of having them over, but I ought to have consulted my family first. They're laidback and won't mind but I do worry slightly that I've been too rash where they are concerned ...

    How would your partner feel in this situation? ... Oh, and sorry to bring the C. word up so early!
  2. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Blimey, sorry about the lack of paragraphs. Not sure what happened there. Now it's even more of a ramble!
  3. angiebabe

    angiebabe Occasional commenter

    What a lovely kind thing to do and what a lovely family you sound. Well done.
    Just be careful she doesn't become too dependant on you, she needs to try and make some young mummy friends of her own.
  4. My ex would not have accepted it at all but he's got very poor social skills. I think it's a great idea, fwiw. We had a lady from the old people's alms houses to our Christmas Day last year because she've been on her own otherwise. So we had all of my children, my mum and her husband, one of their friends (elderly and on her own) and the lady from up the road. There was enough love, food and presents to go around and was fantastic.
    Good on you [​IMG]
  5. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Oh, thank you for the kind and reassuring words.

    I thought of that too angie, but she's actually quite resourceful and 'boundaried' so I don't think it'll be an issue.
  6. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    My oh is pretty easy going so he wouldn't mind...my kids are teenagers and I think they'd not want to ...I think its a lovey and generous gesture.
  7. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    It's a lovely idea. Although my OH would prefer to be asked, I know he would have been ok if I had done the same as he is a real softy too. Anyway as it is me that does 99% of the christmas organising and cooking, I dont think he would dare complain anyway![​IMG] As for my children, it would be a chance to discover the real meaning of christmas and christmas spirit.
    I always have my uncle over who my Mother hates and always tries to discourage me or my dad from inviting. He lives on his own, having always lived with my grandparents before they died and isnt the most socially adept person but I refuse to have him left on his own. When we went to my MIL's last year, she even invited him because she knew I was feeling guilty about him being on his own. I know it isnt quite the same as he is family, but because of the rest of the families attitude to him, it may as well be like a stranger.
  8. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    My dad died 5 days before last xmas and I heard the news just as we were planning to travel up for a nice family xmas in Sheffield.
    The xmas day planned went ahead and my oh was quite happy having 6 manic children running around and my 3 brothers and their partners, my mum and my brother's MIL.
    It was too noisy for me though and all my nerve endings were jangling. I would really like a nice quiet xmas day this year ,just on our own.
    I think it sometimes depends on what mood your are in - sometimes I enjoy noise and chaos but it depends really....
    I have never had to spend a lonely xmas day though so I do think it is such a nice gesture to make.
  9. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    TT I think you and your family are really kind to open your home to someone at Christmas. You committment to visiting the lady once a week shows what a generous person you are too.
    TBH my husband would not like it if I did this but he's a miserable git anyway. [​IMG] The kids would just accept it but would probably go to their rooms so it would impact on me in a big way as I'd be sad if my boys didn't spend the day with me.
    I hope you all have a great time.
    I've already mentioned my excitement about Christmas elsewhere!
  10. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    At least you like the lady and child as well. All this talk of Christmas has reminded me that it is my turn to have my Mother, who manages to ruin everyones Christmas. [​IMG]
  11. I think that what you are doing is really kind and I'm sure it will make her Christmas. You sound like a wonderful family.
  12. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    My OH is used to me inviting people to our home/tent when in need (long stories) - sounds lovely, and just as it should be. Your hubby deserves a big hug for supporting you in your kindness.
  13. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Thanks you lovely lot. I now feel more at ease with the idea and I'm sure we'll all have a wonderful day. Mr Tarte, the girls and I are far from the Waltons but I'm so pleased with them for happily going along with my rash and impulsive good intentions!
  14. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    ....sometimes the times when we act for the good without overthinking are when we do the most good. (I think anyway) Thanks for being a good Samaritan.
  15. I think it's a lovely idea. I was horrified years ago when I invited an Italian friend to my family Christmas dinner. My mother told me I couldn't bring him as it was a 'family' day. She's a 'good' Catholic, so I pointed out that this was what I thought Christmas was about, and made a rather sardonic comment about there obviously being not enough room at the inn....

    So, well done you!
  16. Our Christmas is always a bit big (always 9 of us) and rather disorganised so I know my husband would be cool with it. Sweet to have a baby around too.
  17. jmntsp

    jmntsp New commenter

    What a lovely, kind, idea. And thanks so much for telling us about HOST. It never occurred to me that there were international students who might be stuck over the holidays. Would happily have someone for Christmas. There are always loads of us anyway. I shall look into it.
    When I was little my parents (who went to Uni in London) moved back up North to the countryside. I remember us always having two or three children to stay in the summer hols (usually siblings) from inner-city areas of London. I think it was a scheme to offer children who would not otherwise have had a holiday the chance to go somewhere. We loved it and so did the kids. Remember having a lovely brother and sister to stay who were about 7 and 5, when my brother and I were a little younger than that. Neither of them had ever seen a cow before! We lived near the seaside and my mother said the little girl was quite shocked by our bathing costumes and insisted on keeping her vest on under hers. About 30 years later I was having tea in the garden with my parents and my children when a car drew up and a very handsome black man got out and came to the gate. It was the brother from so many years ago and he was sooo excited to find my parents still lived there and the house was just like he'd remembered. He had been passing within about 50 miles of us and decided to see if he could find the house again. He said he'd remembered the name of the nearest village, and once there he'd remembered the way we used to walk. My parents were delighted to see him again, and so happy that he'd come. They still keep in touch. He said it was the only time he had a holiday as a child and he'd remembered it always.

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