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Is this a breach of confidentiality or am I overreacting??

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by spurs27, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. I am 10 weeks pregnant so it's still early days. I found out over the Christmas period and have had 5 continuous weeks of relentless sickness so have been signed off work as a result. In fact - I had two weeks signed off then because I was desperate to get back to school I have been going in on reduced hours and organising all my cover etc.
    When I had to call in sick the first time, I felt that I should tell my head teacher and the PA who sorts cover out that I was pregnant in order to make communication clear - it's very rare that I am away from school and I wanted to be honest from the start.
    However, I made it very clear that I did not want anyone else to know until I am ready to share. Last week I was told that the PA told our school nurse without my permission - but I understood this as it was to ensure that I could be informed of any bugs/illnesses that might be going around school. I was a little concerned as the nurse's daughter is in my tutor group - but I fully trusted this would be confidential.
    But, today I was told that they had to tell the exams officer that I am pregnant earlier on in the week - the reason isn't particularly clear as to why. And knowing that legally I didn't need to tell my employer at this early stage in my pregnancy but have done out of respect, I am incredibly angry that more people now know - and people I do not know or trust!
    Am I overreacting? I want to question exactly why the exams officer needed to know - surely she just needs to know that I am ill and not working full time right now but that I will take care of any issues when I return and am in good health. Maybe it's the hormones but I do feel really angry about this...perhaps I should get a grip!! It's just there are a LOT of nosey people at my school and I feel strongly it's nobody's business until I decide!
    Thanks in advance for any response! :)
     
  2. I am 10 weeks pregnant so it's still early days. I found out over the Christmas period and have had 5 continuous weeks of relentless sickness so have been signed off work as a result. In fact - I had two weeks signed off then because I was desperate to get back to school I have been going in on reduced hours and organising all my cover etc.
    When I had to call in sick the first time, I felt that I should tell my head teacher and the PA who sorts cover out that I was pregnant in order to make communication clear - it's very rare that I am away from school and I wanted to be honest from the start.
    However, I made it very clear that I did not want anyone else to know until I am ready to share. Last week I was told that the PA told our school nurse without my permission - but I understood this as it was to ensure that I could be informed of any bugs/illnesses that might be going around school. I was a little concerned as the nurse's daughter is in my tutor group - but I fully trusted this would be confidential.
    But, today I was told that they had to tell the exams officer that I am pregnant earlier on in the week - the reason isn't particularly clear as to why. And knowing that legally I didn't need to tell my employer at this early stage in my pregnancy but have done out of respect, I am incredibly angry that more people now know - and people I do not know or trust!
    Am I overreacting? I want to question exactly why the exams officer needed to know - surely she just needs to know that I am ill and not working full time right now but that I will take care of any issues when I return and am in good health. Maybe it's the hormones but I do feel really angry about this...perhaps I should get a grip!! It's just there are a LOT of nosey people at my school and I feel strongly it's nobody's business until I decide!
    Thanks in advance for any response! :)
     
  3. I can sympathise, spurs. My former boss (I'm on holiday now and will start ML proper in February and will not be going back to work) told absolutely everyone under the proviso that she could then sort out ML cover. Which she never did. I knew she is a dreadful gossip so at 16 weeks I told her and said that I had no intention of telling anyone else and that I didn't need to tell HR till 22 weeks or so. And then there was one day when people kept saying 'congratulations' and it turned out she'd been shooting her mouth off to everyone, including people I didn't know. Right before I was pregnant this time I had 3 weeks off sick because of a mc and she went and told loads of people then too. She is a dreadful woman. Various people said I should complain to HR but I never did because there weren't enough people there for it not to be made into a big deal and she already made things difficult for me without any added hassle. That's my only suggestion for you, I'm afraid, but I guess there's not much you can really do other than complain to the right people and I wouldn't know who they are.
     
  4. It is incredibly frustrating - your former boss sounds horrid! My situation isn't quite that bad and the PA is usually excellent - but there are so many gossips around school and I know for a fact that people who now know won't keep it to themselves and I strictly asked for full confidentiality which makes me angry. I think I am going to send a carefully worded email asking in writing why the exams officer was told again and to reinforce my request to keep it confidential - and also to remind them that I didn't even have to tell THEM in the first place! Why don't people respect others' privacy anymore?! I remember when a colleague in my department was pregnant and when the advert for mat cover was published so many people approached me asking if I was pregnant or knew who was! Unlike others, I respected my colleague's privacy and was able to keep my mouth shut! But I just know what people are like at my school - so so so nosey!!!!!
     
  5. I told our HT when I was just 5 weeks, as found out just before the summer holidays (9 weeks here in austria!) and had to let her know by 13 weeks I think. Anyway, told her on the last day and handed in some paperwork from my doctor, but asked her to please keep it to herself for the moment. Well, a few hours later and we are at the staff meeting to end the year and she is doing a little speech, retirement notices etc and then turns to me and says 'And do you have anything you'd like to tell everyone' with a big smile and a wink. Cue entire staff looking at me, me going bright red, only person in room drinking orange juice rather than wine... doesn't take a big group of women very long to figure that one out! Was pretty annoyed, especially as hadn't even told our parents by that point, and would have liked them to have known before the whole staff meeting!
    Some people have no sense of respect when it comes to others' privacy, but once the news is out what can you do? Smile, nod and accept their congratulations, that's all....
     

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