I didn't know whether to put this in Personal section or Special Educational Needs...anyway as you'll see I've put it in SEN. I work in an independent EBD school as the only qualified teacher. I used to be a mainstream secondary art teacher but fell into supply and then into EBD teaching. I am now in my second year doing this and feel anxious a lot of the time. I miss the prestige of being a mainstream teacher but felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of kids I was having to deal with...Im quite a 'nice' person and tend to give a lot as a teacher and now Im in EBD I feel as though Im doing a good job but I also now feel isolated. I don't get the same pay as I did in mainstream and I find I can't really 'teach' the kids as a lot depends upon their moods and so I often come home feeling as if I haven't really done anything. I've applied to go back into art mainstream but haven't been called for interview. I can't help feeling that I've scuppered my chances of getting back into mainstream now. Once people see I've been working with EBD I think they shy away. I miss working in a department with other teachers and being able to bounce ideas off others. Im very confused. I originally trained to be a primary teacher but couldn't be an expert in the 10 subjects you need to be nor differentiate sufficiently ( I take my hat off to primary teachers!) When I taught Art in mainstream I had a lot of help from the other art teachers who were extremely good at art (one had art history degree and was a painter, the other sold her own textile stuff and the other one had a first class honours in art). I felt as though I wasn't as good at art as all the other art teachers and my lack of confidence as well as circumstances at the time led me to hand in my notice. I argue with myself that I have an interest in art therapy and thats why Im working with EBD but really art therapy is ANTI teaching. I've thought of other careers such as occupational therapy... but I feel quite confused about what to do. In addition to this I live alone, have no friends (my own age) and am far away from home. I really envy people who have got a job they're passionate about and who, seemingly, find it easy to do. Some people have suggested that there are certain types of schools for certain types of teachers and that I just haven't found the right school. I find EBD interesting but tough and as Ive said in my experience you can't really 'teach' these kids sufficiently to find it rewarding. I hate it when I've planned something and they've thrown it into a ball or torn it up in front of you. I still want to be a teacher but I just dont know where I fit in anymore. The thoughts of going back on supply is filling me with dread. Sorry to ramble on. If anyone has experienced similar to me or has any ideas.......I'd be willing to listen.