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Is it any wonder some children think that the world revolves around them and their needs?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ilovesooty, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I've only just discovered that according to many posters on Mumsnet, children's whole class parties must be attended even if it means cancelling arrangements you'd previously made as adults and as families. Apparently all these events are necessary in order for your child to be confident socially and not to be excluded by his/her peers. They are the forerunners of "playdates" (I've only just discovered this American concept) and sleepovers.

    It's seemingly very difficult to have a social life as an adult given the pressing needs of your DC's social life. [​IMG]

    When I was a child we visited family (who often didn't have children.) We were taught to read quietly if the adult conversation had nothing to do with us. Occasionally we visited friends and played with their children. I certainly don't remember whole class socialising events for the tinies taking place.

    Obviously this is life, but not as I know it...
     
  2. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I've only just discovered that according to many posters on Mumsnet, children's whole class parties must be attended even if it means cancelling arrangements you'd previously made as adults and as families. Apparently all these events are necessary in order for your child to be confident socially and not to be excluded by his/her peers. They are the forerunners of "playdates" (I've only just discovered this American concept) and sleepovers.

    It's seemingly very difficult to have a social life as an adult given the pressing needs of your DC's social life. [​IMG]

    When I was a child we visited family (who often didn't have children.) We were taught to read quietly if the adult conversation had nothing to do with us. Occasionally we visited friends and played with their children. I certainly don't remember whole class socialising events for the tinies taking place.

    Obviously this is life, but not as I know it...
     
  3. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    I remember one birthday party when I was at primary school as I threw up. I think there may have been one or two others but they certainly were not a regular event.
     
  4. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I completely agree ILS.
     
  5. What a load of rubbish.
    School comes second to homelife - my kids will go to school events or private parties if it fits in with our home and family schedule.
    My kids cope fine with it - they have never at all felt excluded. This year my son has expressed his wish to spend his birthday in ENGLAND, as he wants one year here, one year in the UK to celebrate his day.
    He hasn't been hounded by his classmates.
    Daughter unfortunately has her birthday in the middle of term, so we cannot just up off and celebrate it in England.
    Her answer: "Oh well, when I am older, I will have a big party in England".
    Never once, so far, have I heard from my kids that we cannot do this or that, because school friends are doing this and that.
    I generally hear from my kids that doing what everyone else does is "uncool" anyway.
     
  6. Sorry, somehow my point at the end was cut off.
    I think it is the parents who cow down to this supposed social pressure.
    Not the kids.
     
  7. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    Arenas who do this will get just what they deserve. Spoilt brat kids.
     
  8. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    That was the impression I got too. How on earth did we all manage in days gone by when it was clear that children fitted in round adults not vice versa? [​IMG]
     
  9. Dagnab that self-correcting eh?
     
  10. On the other hand, you do get parents who take no time for their children and will refuse to adapt their adult lives.
    Other end of the spectrum.
     
  11. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Who we then have to teach...
     
  12. I think it needs a bit of balance - time for the kids, time for the adults.
    I think any child who knows the difference is a balanced child. That can only work if parents recognise that they need to put in the effort - time for the kids and time for the adults. And there is nothing wrong with saying "off to bed, adult time now".
    As long as you make that going to bed time a secure time - and allow them to be kids. We expect a lot of them nowadays - to understand sex ed, to face the meeja, to know that the internet can be evil, to fight for their rights - heck, we are supposed to be looking after them, not expecting them to deal with pervs on Facebook or wondering what contraception to use.

     
  13. Balance is important

    Worse than everything for the child is, in my opinion, everything for the adults

    An example ... when my kids were little if we went to a wedding or similar we left at a reasonable time so they could go to bed ... I always found the parents who kept their kids up (to annoy) or let them sleep and then woke them to take them home to be very selfish
     
  14. Seadream

    Seadream New commenter

    I've got a son in Yr R and there's no way I'm going in for any of that nonsense! He's been to 2 parties, one that almost all seemed to be at (hired hall, bouncy castle, absolute chaos) and a smaller group one at an indoor play/activity place where a few parents left and their chikdren were very rowdy for the 'hosting' mum. I've turned a couple down when I wasn't able to take him. There's no way I'm buying in to big parties. He can have a few friends over on his birthday and we'll go to the local playground/park that also has a few fun things going on too in the summer (handy time of year for his birthday) such as trampolines, train and horse rides for a pound or so each. They'll be happy as larry and so will my wallet!
     
  15. My niece has just moved in with her intended. He is a tidy soul. She is the daughter of a stay-at-home slattern. I do genuinely wonder how her mother filled her days. My niece was accustomed to live amongst clutter and dirt, though there was no lack of money, and never required to lift a finger for herself or anyone else.
    Well that came home to roost last month. Boyfriend was so fed up with her seemingly not even noticing the trail of mess and clutter she leaves behind her that he put it all in a black bin bag and put it on her side of the bed to be sorted and put away. Books, papers, bags, clothes, wrappers, all mixed in together. She tippped the lot onto the floor with a view to doing just that and then didn't. So he took the bag round to his mother's and told her he'd put it in the bin.
    She was not pleased to find, after rummaging through the apartment-block Dumpster (yes, the Americanisms are official and the bin really is a Dumpster!), that he had had her on. But if only her mother had taken a similar approach 20 years ago it need not have come to that.
    She got no sympathy from me.
     
  16. I don't know, I'm a bit torn on this actually. You can obviously take this to a ridiculous extreme but I do remember when I was growing up, my parents were obsessed with foreign holidays and we went away for the entire holiday, every holiday and my brother and I did quite resent it as it majorly impacted on the social side of things for us in and out of school.
    And they were boring! [​IMG]
     
  17. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    The parents may be annoying now but in the future their sprogs will be unable to form meaningful relationships (mainly due to ludicrous socialisation schedules) which cause them to whine interminably at their parents.
    Rod for their own backs, serves 'em all right.


     
  18. Hmmmm I remember one year taking the kids out of school for the last week of the holiday and first week back, thinking that they weren't going to miss anything very exciting first week in Y8 and Y6. They didn't say anything until weeks later but had been deeply hacked off to have been away for the first week and thus lost "choosing where to sit and with whom" rights, a consideration that hadn't even crossed our minds.
    We said "Why didn't you say something?" but they seemed to think that choosing the holiday date was too big a financial thing for them as children to have a right to a say in.
     
  19. Yes, it's these things you (general you) forget as an adult, I think for me to do this it would just totally depend on what the original arrangement was - if it was something like a wedding or important non changeable event then definitely wouldn't cancel but if it was a fairly flexible arrangement with friends/family then I probably would. Mind you I can also remember being forced to attend birthday parties which I hated, so I'd check that the "DCs" actually wanted to go first!
     
  20. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    I feel I have to say a word in defence of the parents who, like me, organise 'playdates' and parties!
    When I was a lass, I'd be out playing the whole time with my friends and the area in which we lived was conducive to this outdoor recreation. Nowadays however, kids don't go out and play like they used to. I wish they did but it simply doesn't happen. More cars and weirdos around! [​IMG]
    So because everything happens behind closed doors, parents feel under pressure to organise activities for their children outside of school hours.
    Most parents, like myself, are sensible about this and do it in moderation. If we're free on a day that a party is being held, then we'll readily go along. If not then we won't. It's all about balance. My children enjoy the odd playdate and it's a sociable for me too if I like spending time with the mum! So long as they know how to entertain themselves when necessary (and without always the help of the computer and TV!) then I don't see the problem.
     

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