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In the workplace, is it better to hide, or show, your feelings towards colleagues?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by kibosh, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Did I say two-faced for that one? Nope.
  2. No, I don't think it would be a good idea in the workplace (I am not even convinced it is a good idea in personal relationships).
    Of course feelings run high - but nothing is ever sorted in the heat of the moment, with doors slamming, insults flying and possibly lots of tears.
    I am not a hider by any stretch of the mark - I speak up. But politely, constructively and once it is sorted, I don't harp on about it. I also listen if someone has a point to make to me (God, I can positively hear you all thinking - this is not CQ!).
    In RL I am a very calm person!
    That approach has served me well so far (and I have been working for over 2 decades!)

  3. Correction - in the workplace I am a very calm person.
    In private - I am a right hot head!
  4. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I agree. I could not stomach a roller coaster relationship. Some people appear to thrive on it. Beats me.
    But I feel we have a moral obligation to ourselves to make sure our needs in the work place are met. This is very hard to do in a loveless environment.
  5. So do I. The only way to improve a loveless environment is to change it - you cannot change anything if you never speak out.
    Speaking out does not necessarily mean speaking out against people or having a moan - speaking out can be very constructive and positive.

  6. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I'm not being a.rsy here, but can you give us some indication of the concrete examples you refer to?
    But when a bunch of strangers are thrown together and find that fundamentally they have little in common, how can the 'love' flourish?
    I find that one person (usually) dominates and everyones else's needs are subjegated (sp?) to theirs? Is this not the heirarchical system we work in?
    In environments perhaps where there is more of an even playing field? Less fear?
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I find it quite amusing on Supply sitting in staffrooms at lunchtime staring blankly at a copy of the TES while listening to people bitching and trying to work out who it is they're bitching about. Because as a Supply I'm often treated as invisible it's quite interesting what little snippets you get to hear. Rest assured that I don't retain them - life's too short to spend it accumulating all that negativity ;-)
  8. You have to remember, I am not speaking personally of a teaching environment...
    Some examples of late (from me):
    1) I noticed that 3 of us were doing a HELL of a lot of work that was because others were not doing their job properly/efficiently. I called a meeting, it was discussed, the tasks were evenly divided up and I said we would review in 3 months time. I made sure that nobody was personally accused, but that everyone knew what is now expected of them.
    2) (more personal) - we have a colleague (male) who is a bit "explosive". Water off a duck's back to me, but on some days he can wind me up like hell too. I waited for the right moment (i.e. when we were alone having a ciggie) and then told him that he needs to know that making colleagues feel like a pile of useless sh.ite (he has had other colleagues in tears) is not tantamount to a comfortable work atmosphere and that it could be helpful if he would consider his attitude and approach to colleagues. It turned out that he, in the past, had been mobbed himself. He then went back to those colleagues, apologised, explained, and peace has (almost) reigned since.
    3) (this is pertaining to your point about heirarchy) - I wrote an email today to all senior members of staff telling them in fairly explicit terms (but politely - don't want to commit career suicide) that due to the lack of information they give me, my job is hindered and that if they continue to not give me this information, they cannot expect our turnover and gross profit to be as it should be. I requested that this situation is improved and that if they had any constructive comments to make as to how we can improve our information flow, to get back to me or call a meeting. A meeting has been called as they think I have made a very valuable point and our whole company policy is based on information flow and lack of heirarchy (which of course, I played on).
    4) (not from me). We have a colleague who has been diagnosed with leukemia and needs a plasma transplant (is that your word for it?). Everyone was called on to volunteer for testing. Not many bothered. Another colleague of mine has spent two weeks writing emails, going from one desk to the next and now has 50 volunteers. I call that dedication and spreading a bit of love.
    5) (not from me). Fridays, some angel will always bring cake in for everyone (we are 80 in my building, over 200 including other buildings). It is not the CEO and it does not come out of the company budget. That is spreading a bit of love.

  9. Sorry, kibosh - I meant to quote this when I said I am not talking from a teacher perspective. However, I have taught and I must admit, I have never been in a position that many here seem to be in. I always worked in schools which were very supportive and where colleagues got along.
    But none of them were UK state schools!
  10. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Supply is an eye opener. It's largely through accidental earwigging and being told things (as a neutral bystander) that I know how much utter character assasination goes on in the work place . . . . .and then the false politeness and faux camaderie (sp?) when the person in question joins the group.
  11. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    CQ - for 1,2 and 3 good on you!! [​IMG] Perhaps the kind of action that an employee in the private sector can carry out? Or perhaps we can not generalise that much and it's down to the particular company you work with/for.
    4 and 5. Beautiful. Compassionate (No.4) and astounding generousity of spirit (or wealth perhaps for No. 5)
  12. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Oops, meant to say
    *'as opposed to the public sector' and
    **the fact that you as an individual feel able to stand up for yourself and did so.
  13. I don't know really, kibosh. I suspect my company is fabbo anyway, but I have worked in other companies where it was possible and in schools where it was possible ! (but as I said, not UK state schools!).

  14. Maybe - I have no problem standing up for myself.
    But I like to stand up for others too, if that makes sense. I admit I came onto earth with a more than ample supply of confidence, but I don't just stick up for myself.
    I think I can be quite uncomfortable sometimes, as I am always harping on about everyone should have the same opportunities and rights, blah di blah di blah and I am always sticking my neck out and my opening my big gob.

  15. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I thought this question was interesting. Has anyone, much to their horror, found out too late that their colleagues were not behind them after all?
  16. I can only speak for me.
    But I have always spoken out for colleagues.
    And that has paid off.

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