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In need of some 'friend' advice.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Taco_123, Dec 5, 2019.

  1. Taco_123

    Taco_123 New commenter

    Really not sure if i am supposed to be posting this but i really need help.

    So me and my ex broke up last year after 7 and a half years together, we said we would remain friends. My best friend and her fiance were our friend too so it was easy. In July this year, i met the love of my life, i now live with him and i never move that quickly.

    Anyway, since July, i have been trying to get my friends to meet him, they always make excuses, i now live 26 miles away and even though they drive they won't meet me half way. On Halloween they made me feel bad and told me to come to this horror crappy maze thing we do, my boyfriend can't come because of his epilepsy, so i went alone. Only to find out they invited my ex and kept pushing us together. I was annoyed and spent the whole night texting my boyfriend and they said i was rude.

    It was my birthday last month, so one final attempt at trying to sort this out i asked to have a birthday meal, me and my boyfriend would travel the 26 miles to meet them. It was all arranged, THEN out of no where they invite my ex and apparently he said yes. I told my boyfriend this and he said i don't mind meeting your ex but i would really like to meet your friends first...

    So because i would feel awkward and he would too, i sent a lovely text explaining this to my so called bestie. She flipped out and called me pathetic, said i was an awful friend and she, her fiance and my ex wouldn't feel awkward so my boyfriend needs to 'man up.' I was super upset and tried to explain if it was her ex she wouldn't like it and she said i am being pathetic and it isn't the same.

    So now we haven't spoken for over a month, she keeps tagging my ex in stuff on Facebook and i muted them all.

    What do i do? Everyone i talk to says i need better friends but now I've moved away i have none. My boyfriend says i can share his and that is super sweet but i honestly feel lonely.
    caress likes this.
  2. Shedman

    Shedman Star commenter

    You call these people friends? They call you pathetic, denigrate your current boyfriend and try to engineer situations whereby they try to get you back with your ex and probably with his collusion. These aren't friends but people who are trying to dictate your life to you and even trying to determine who is your partner. These people will only cause you pain and grief and you would be well advised to distance yourself from them. You are being treated appallingly. Get out, join clubs, socialise with work mates, volunteer and make the effort to find new friends who accept you as you are and do not continually try to manipulate you.
  3. Taco_123

    Taco_123 New commenter

    Thank you for your honesty, my dad said similar to that. He always says i am far too nice and people take advantage of this. I guess due to past experiences i try to keep people as friends even if it means letting them treat me like ****.

    I have been trying to join a book club but had no luck yet and i volunteer at PDSA on the weekends so maybe ill meet people there. Also looking to do my PGCE next August *if i gain a 4 in maths in Jan* so i am going places, maybe.
    Shedman and (deleted member) like this.
  4. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter


    The friends from hell are better than no friends at all?

    Sorry. That should read "friends".

    What do you do? Move on. Burn effigies* of them? Crikey. They really are vile.

    So you'd better get busy looking for some real friends. I've no advice on that score but forget those guys. Unless you'd class yourself officially as a masochist. In that case? You need them. But, unless you have a medical diagnosis of extreme masochism, you shouldn't even be considering not kicking them into the long grass.

    *joking. Crass. But still a joke.
  5. Bmackender

    Bmackender New commenter

    I'm in a similar boat but my "friends" are just very self involved and don't give a toss about me (one absolutely ruined my hen do for me..... repeatedly).
    I've just cut them off like a gangrenous limb, which isn't easy. Talk to your partner: they're always good at making you see your true friends. Mourn it, drink some gin and remember you're absolutely amazing.
    Chin up chuck - you're better than all of them xxx
  6. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    If it's any consolation, at least they were considerate and tried to push you and your ex together in a maze, rather than,say, on a football pitch or an ice rink.
  7. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    As my father used to say "Better an empty house than a bad tenant."
    If your friendship slot is now vacant, you have the opportunity to fill it with some people with whom you have less history.
    Their attitude does seem odd. They've not even met New Guy and they're trying to throw you and the ex back together. Maybe the ex has told them something not quite accurate about the break-up?
    Anyway, just break off contact. You've made a start dumping them on FB.
    And New Guy sounds super!
  8. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Call me an olden days person if you like, but I hold the rather simplistic view that when you finish a relationship with someone and there's no dependent kids involved you finish in the sense of game over. The clue is in the word "ex". Then again I'm over 30 so what would I know?

    I bet the OP's new boyfriend would appreciate the line from 'Closer' by The Chainsmokers: "Hey, tell your friends it was nice to meet them but I hope I never see them again." :)
    Morninglover, caress and needabreak like this.
  9. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    Get on a train and leave the area. Change your name. For f...sake do something!
    magic surf bus and needabreak like this.
  10. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    Jude. Were not all as afraid of human contact as you. :mad:
  11. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    Why live in lower case when you could italicise?
  12. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    I'm not afraid of it. I just know it too well.
  13. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    [spoken affectionately]

    Oh jude, do you really need to be such a cynic?

    Knowing human nature well doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a dim view of it
  14. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    My advice, cut ties with these so-called friends, don’t live in the past but look to the future with your lovely new man and all those memories you are going to make together. Plus you’ve got your Maths exam and your PGCE to think about (once you start teacher training you won’t have time for friends anyway!)
    Just kidding.

    (I’m not actually kidding).
    primarycat, nizebaby and needabreak like this.
  15. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    Real friends never even use the word "friend" face to face.

    I'm suspicious of anyone who uses the f-word directly.
  16. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    Absolutely selfish behaviour. They had a comfortable little foursome going and resent the fact that it had to end. No thought for you at all.

    I trust you've ditched them.
  17. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    I feel sympathy for you; this is clearly distressing you a lot.
    For what it's worth, my experience of female bullies is that they are not often physical (your friends don't thump you, I hope) but they are hugely manipulative and frequently passive-aggressive. Girls will often say "I'm your friend, I'm saying this for your own good," before they deliver a really nasty comment.
    These are not the actions of friends. These actions are those of bullies and you are right to resist. Your future now is with the New Guy (who sounds like a keeper) and your new potential career. Dump these losers. You have tried to play nicely, but they aren't interested. So don't play with them...
    Good luck.
    EmanuelShadrack and needabreak like this.
  18. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    Wow! Glad I don't have "friends" like the OP!

    Look for new friends I suggest!
    nizebaby likes this.

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