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Discussion in 'Personal' started by RadoJo, Feb 15, 2011.

  1. It takes two to have an argument, and of one party stops responding or just says 'well, I've said my piece on this one so there's no use just repeating it ' then there is no argument.

    Are you actually arguing or having a discussion where the two of you take opposing sides? Are you upset/offended/annoyed by him or do you just disagree? How did he find out about this refusal to give your OH £5k? Did you tell him or your partner? I would have thought that offering information like this to someone you already know you clash with is a recipe for disaster, so perhaps you could try to avoid sharing this kind of information with him if you know it's likely to lead to a disagreement. It's also worth considering whether either of you wind each other up on a topic that you know you disagree about - who usually brings up the topics which instigate the arguments?

    To be honest, in laws are just like anyone else from colleagues to friends' partners - you either have to find a way to get on with them or avoid them. It's not reasonable to expect not to see your brother in law, so you need to find ways to navigate around topics which will cause an argument, keep your cool and pick your battles. If he makes sexist/racist/inappropriate comments and you can't bite your tongue, say something like 'You know my feelings on that, so I can only assume you're trying to wind me up which won't be happening today' and leave it at that.
  2. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    But you had the money?
    OMG the cheek!!!

    I think I may be on your brother in law's side.
  3. I think you need to take any money considerations out of this and just evaluate how you feel about them as people. I don't get on with my mother in law, but have learned that she is fairly ineffectual, and thus does not bother me.
    Don't mix money with how you feel about people is my advice.
  4. impis

    impis New commenter

    I think he secretly fancies you. This makes him feel uncomfortable, and therefore by starting arguments with you it makes him feel better as he can pretend he doesn't really like you.
  5. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    If you've ever seen Harry Enfield's spoof Yorkshireman that's my brother-in-law, except much thinner. I cope by doing my best to see him only once a year or less, and by responding to pretty much everything he says with a polite fixed smile whilst counting the seconds until we leave his house. I don't engage him in debate. Such is life - it's only a few hours every year. Or less.
  6. Kimmy85

    Kimmy85 New commenter

    wish i could see him only once a year.
    The money is not the point its the way he thinks its suitable to criticise any decision we make as a couple....or more specifically my priorities in life...which is not my car or other possessions. We just have a huge difference of opinion.
    And we seriously do argue about everything from the sky sports presenter "issue" to who should be running the country.
    Everyone else on my partners side panders to him (including my partner) and refuses to engage in arguing with him...therefore he has got his own way for 30+years...im afraid i havent got to that point yet.
    I like the point of telling him im not engaging with him...like i would with one of the kids in my class :O im sure that would go down well!!!!

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