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I'm tired from beating my meat, and now needs to wash my hammer.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by grandelf, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    It would make life so much easier if I had a rolling pin.
  2. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    You need a meat tenderiser. It has special ridges and nobbles on it to increase the likelihood of a satisfactory outcome. Please avoid rolling pins, you could do yourself a mischief!
  3. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    Use a wine bottle wrapped in cling film.
  4. Better than the time you spanked the monkey at London Zoo......he was quite upset.

  5. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    Buy a better cut of meat.
  6. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    OMG. Are you implying that Grandelf's diameter is smaller than a wine bottle's neck? And where does the cling film come in to the act? Maybe best not to ask!
  7. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    Thinning out chicken breast for satay chicken skewers.
  8. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    helps keep the meat clean in case of spillages.
  9. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    It must be the toughest chicken breast ever. Chicken breast tissue is generally so lacking in connective tissue that you can pull it apart with your fingers. I assumed you were whacking some tough old steak you big wuss!
  10. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    Same here. As for 'keeping the meat clean', is clingfilm cheaper than the weekend offerings at the barbershop or, dare I say it? Kleenex?
  11. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    Same here. And as for 'keeping your meat clean', is clingfilm cheaper/better than the weekend barber shop offerings or, dare I say it? good old Kleenex.
  12. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    Why did that come out twice?
  13. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    There is an excellent band called Spank the Monkey.
  14. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    could you not pay an accommodating person to do it for you?

  15. wrldtrvlr123

    wrldtrvlr123 Occasional commenter

    Is there a market then for surrogate or possibly vicarious wanking?
  16. jonkers

    jonkers New commenter

    I believe that in most towns and perhaps even villages there is an industry only too willing to relieve you of your money and anything else you desire. Here in salubrious Swindon it is centred in Manchester Road (goodness knows why, we are a v. long way from Manchester)
  17. We have a Pudd Lane . My friend's sister pulled her boyfriend at a party there.

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