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I’m feeling a bit lost..

Discussion in 'Retirement' started by rfaa, Sep 6, 2020.

  1. rfaa

    rfaa New commenter

    I’m 56 have taught full time for 30 years and then for the past three have worked only three days a week
    My husband has retired-we have plenty to do,hobbies,good health no financial worries.My retirement was my decision and was the right one as I’ve always looked to “the other side” to see what I can do-however ( Covid apart) now it’s here it all feels very odd.I think because I’m only56 and have friends still working.I know it’s going to take time to adjust but any words of wisdom are welcome!
  2. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    You could do with some sort of transition activity. I volunteered for Citizen's Advice for a while. it made me feel I was using my skills and was making a contribution. I also learnt a huge amount. It was quite demanding and once it started to feel like hard work I gave it up. Completely selfish i know but it worked for me.
  3. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    My wife and I both retired 2 years ago. I am 63, but she is 53. She also has sporadic feelings of guilt that she is not working and muses over it a lot. I guess that it is to be expected. Teachers have an inborn feeling of duty and responsibility. Not utilising your skills doesn't feel right.
    I think the first thing to ascertain is whether the feelings are due to guilt or that you actually do want to do something else. If is is the former, talk it through with your husband or somebody else you feel is a trusted listener. If the latter, perhaps look at part time work in schools or temporary contracts.
  4. diddydave

    diddydave Lead commenter

    For 'odd' read 'different'.
    After 33 years of walking the same circular path you are now on a different path with unfamiliar sights and sounds. There is no wonder that you are going to find the difference odd.

    It was at least a year before I found this new path a comfortable one. The adjustment will take time and I took the time to consider what I needed as well as what I could offer. The loss of the school community is a large hole and has been filled, to some extent, by taking on more roles within my village, as an examiner and getting more involved in social media as well as this forum.
  5. rfaa

    rfaa New commenter

    Thank you all-I didn’t actually think anyone would reply! I do have some volunteering set up but it helps knowing others understand these confusing feelings as I move from one stage to another
    I am however enjoying not having that “ Sunday night feeling “!!!!
    Thanks again
  6. thejudgesscoresarein

    thejudgesscoresarein Established commenter

    Congratulations on your retirement! I would suggest perhaps a part time teaching role to ease you out of full time, but seems you’ve already done that and you want to stop completely! You could get involved in a local activity or club- look at your hobbies- is there anything in your local area you could get involved in? I’ve known retired colleagues to spend some of their time volunteering for local charities that they’re passionate of! You could always take up a part time job, exam invigilation, admin, checkout staff in a supermarket are popular for retiree teachers! Keeps the bank account topped up for sure! When I relocate next year, I will take up a part time job to keep me occupied!
    eljefeb90 likes this.
  7. heldon

    heldon Occasional commenter

    Walk,run,cycle,swim,play tennis,golf,garden,allotment,photography,read,cook,crafts,home maintenance etc etc. Then there is always travel when things become a bit easier
    littlejackhorner and Prim like this.
  8. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    There have been a few threads based on people writing about their plans for retirement and, more importantly, the kinds of things they did in the first months/year. These give a good range of ideas, similar to those being suggested on this thread. It might be worth you trying to dig them out as I think you might find them helpful.
  9. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    A recent one from this year

    From 2018

    Another from 2020

    There was one which was going about when I retired in July 2018, titles something like 'Who is retiring this Summer?', but I can't find it and not sure how to search for it. Maybe somebody else might be able to find it. I think it started about May 2018.
    eljefeb90 likes this.
  10. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    It takes time and a lot of getting used to in my experience.
    littlejackhorner likes this.
  11. littlejackhorner

    littlejackhorner Senior commenter

    I agree @Marshall and I feel sorry for anyone who has retired recently. Things are just so strange and restricted at the moment. I'm a governor at my local school and volunteer to help in the classroom but all on site activity has stopped for now.
    I'd highly recommend getting an electric bike to retirees. It's so much easier to ride in windy weather and I have made good use of mine in the past few months.
    @rfaa the other posters have given some good advice. Volunteering roles are starting again. I also did invigilation in my first year which I did enjoy.
    Once Covid is over you will see a difference and can plan lovely holidays that are much cheaper and quieter than school holidays.
    Enjoy your retirement.
    Marshall likes this.
  12. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    My activities include learning Italian in a class, now on zoom; singing in a community choir; now on zoom; playing an active role in a political party; now on Teams. I also belong to a health club to swim 3 times a week. I enjoy visiting art exhibitions and look after my grandchildren fortnightly. I enjoy having a busy life doing things I had little time for when teaching. Enjoy your retirement!
    eljefeb90 likes this.
  13. Treacle3

    Treacle3 New commenter

    I have to say I haven't found it hard to adjust to retirement from teaching at all and enjoy my life far more than the last 15 years or so:)
  14. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    @rfaa, I understand where you're coming from - lots of words of wisdom on here. I've been full time in school for more than 30 years. Last year, I cut down to 4 days a week, but that didn't seem much different. I also had caring responsibilities for my dad - he's now settled in a nursing home. This year I'm doing three days a week and it seems very different. We're also not able to visit dad at all at the moment, so I don't have that to do every week. I'm getting used to a four day weekend, but find it difficult to visualise not going to school at all. I think those feelings are exacerbated at the moment because all the plans I've been making - classes, swimming, volunteering - are not happening and no-one is sure when (or if) they'll be able to start again. I'm thinking that this will be my last year, but haven't finally made the decision yet.
    I'm sure you will find a way which suits you and wish you a very happy retirement.
  15. littlevanner

    littlevanner New commenter

    I retired in the summer after 16 years of headship. It has taken a while to get used to it all - covid hadn’t helped as the usual routines and rights of passage have not been present.
    Also the trips to lovely places in September have been somewhat thwarted !
    I feel a little bit flat if I’m honest - feel guilty as husband still working but from home so I can’t really binge on Netflix or anything lol!
    I suspect after a lifetime of work it will take months to adjust - I have a much longed for retirement puppy who is taking up a lot of time .
    Ideally I’d like a part time job but there aren’t too many around at the moment
    Marshall likes this.
  16. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Invigilation will start up before too long, pharmacies need people to deliver prescriptions - not large fees but it's a start.
    alfredrussell and Marshall like this.
  17. eljefeb90

    eljefeb90 Senior commenter

    I was listening to a friend who is an addiction counselor. She emphasised how much we humans are creatures of habit. In her training, she was told to think of people as bees or ants..intensely social creatures with certain determined pathways. Humans are, of course, far more complex and our habits are learned, rather than pre-determined, but changing routines and habits is very difficult and threatening. It is the key to effectively treating many addictions.
    I have noticed that more SLT members tend to struggle with retirement than other teachers. Perhaps it is harder for them to lose the status of being Queen Bee, rather than giving up the toil of a lowly drone?
  18. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Is it something to do with identifying strongly with the role of the teacher rather than the job of teaching. On retirement, if being a teacher has been important to you, which it most probably has been in, you have to rebuild an important part of your identity.
    eljefeb90 and Marshall like this.
  19. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Probably why you'll find them on every committee and such like,anything to feel important.

    As for me,I'm quite happy to potter around,go to the pool or the gym and come home to watch a box set.
  20. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    Interesting posts on here - they have helped me to understand why I'm not coping too well - thanks!
    emerald52 likes this.

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