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If you could change the age you had your first baby...would you?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by Chatterbox1607, May 7, 2012.

  1. Chatterbox1607

    Chatterbox1607 New commenter

    If you could look back and say I wish I had done this or that...what age would you have fallen pregnant if you had the choice? Is a permanent teaching post vital before becoming pregnant or is it better to make your way up the career ladder better before starting a family?
    What do you wish you could change if anything?
  2. I am a no regrets fan.. And generally that's worked out for me. Had 2 careers - in publishing and teaching - had first LO at 32 (31 when conceived). But but but.. These boards, and real life, have made me realise I've been lucky. When anyone presents ant kind of job v baby or life v baby dilemma I am like just ttc now b/c really, what's more important and you just don't know how long that journey might be...
  3. I am 38 and about to have my first. I have absolutely no regrets...I have spent 12 fantastic years with my husband and now it is time to share all our experiences with a little one!

  4. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I had my first child at 31, my 2nd at 33. (i'm 34 now) If i did have a 3rd i'd probably be just 36 (just after my first one starts school!).
    I wasn't ready to have children before I did, but I guess it would've been nice to have still been in my 20s.
    I think a permanent post is useful for maternity pay more than anything, but obviously if you can afford to have a baby without a permanent post it doesn't matter. We have plenty of time to make our way up the career ladder since we won't be able to retire until we're 90 or whatever!
    I'm in my 7th year of teaching now, but I went back on 0.5 after my first child, so I'm not really climbing the career ladder as such!

  5. Yes. I'd change the date but not the baby.

    My lovely daughter was the result of an incorrectly measured cap (plus sex of course) and I found myself pregnant in my first year at university, - a teen pregnancy no less! They were very supportive and after a year out I went back to university and finished my degree but it was hard work and ideally I would have had her in my mid-twenties.

    I have to say that I am now reaping the rewards of having her so young as I really enjoy her company and I am keeping fingers crossed for a long and happy grandma-hood in the future

    I am very lucky to have been born when I was: my mother was illegitimate and my grandma was unable to continue working as a nurse and was disowned by her family because she wouldn't give the baby up and pretend nothing had happened.
  6. I would have had my baby at 18 if I had the choice. 21 tops.
    I thought the same when I was that age too and every year since, it is not as if I was enjoying being young and free and only started regretting it when I was older, I just didn't meet anyone.
    I am 34 now and I had my first baby 4 weeks ago. She is everything I ever wanted but I will never get over the sadness of not having her younger, it will remain by far the biggest regret of my life (if I can even call it a regret when the situation was not brought about by a choice I made at the time.)
  7. chocolateheaven

    chocolateheaven New commenter

    Yes and no for me. I wanted children from being about 16years old, but wanted to have children when the situation was right - which for me meant being married to the man I believed I would spend the rest of my life with. That was important to me. I therefore waited for the situation to be right, and fell pregnantly quickly after we started trying, just before my 29th birthday. I wish that I'd been in a position to have children earlier, as I want a large family and ideally I never wanted to be having children in my 30s, and particularly not in my late 30s. I don't regret waiting, because life is pretty perfect now, my husband and I are so happy and having our daughter has simply enhanced an already strong relationship. I know that we waited for a reason, and that is why life is as perfect as it is right now. I just wish that we'd reached this situation maybe 5 years sooner!
  8. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    This is exactly how I felt! Only I got engaged on my 30th birthday, got married 10 months later, and pregnant a month later. Not bad for my 30th year! I wanted to be married first.
    I didn't really want kids for ages, but then when i got engaged I suddenly did, and decided to try when we got back from our honeymoon. In a way I wish my husband had proposed earlier (we'd been together since I was 25) then maybe we'd have started a family earlier, but i'm happy with things the way they are.
    I thought we would stop at 2 kids, especially as we have a boy and a girl, but I think we would like another.
  9. I'd change the timescale... we started trying when I was 27... baby was born when I was 33... that's one heck of a long time to live your life praying for 2 blue lines every month.
  10. I'm 34 and having my first baby in September. I always presumed I'd be able to get a pregnant more or less straight away, how naive!! We started trying when I turned 30, it took a lot longer than we expected!! I would love to have a second but worry that it won't happen, I guess only time will tell! X
  11. Mine was absolutely right for me. Didnt want children during my 20's, too busy enjoying being young with my husband. First at 31, second at 34 (I got married at 24).
  12. Paradoxicalgirly

    Paradoxicalgirly New commenter

    I was ready at 28, but it took me ten years to find a suitable father!
    Then there were a number of miscarriages - which were not related to my age - and I finally had my little girl when I was 42.
  13. Not in a million years. I had always wanted a family and had been with my now husnband for nearly 3 years when we unexpectedly discovered I was pregnant. I was 23 when I conceived and 24 when my son was born. I feel I have the energy to deal with a rather enthusiastic toddler and he got to be at our wedding which was wonderful.
    I feel that if and when we do decided to try for a second child, I won't feel too rushed because of age pressures although I am not so naive to think that a second would be easy to achieve.
  14. nawoods

    nawoods New commenter

    Like someone else said I would change the age I was but not the child I now have. I am 30 and my little boy is now 8 weeks old. I had 2 miscarriages before getting pregnant with my boy and never thought it would be that difficult. When I was in my 20s I thought my job was the most important thing to get right - now I think very differently. It is amazing how your priorities change!
    Only you can decide when you feel the time is right.
  15. Paradoxicalgirly

    Paradoxicalgirly New commenter

    Can I just add that just because you're older, parenthood doesn't necessarily tire you out more!!
    I appreciate I might sound defensive, but I hear this a lot - and yet when I go to baby groups and obviously I'm usually (but not always) the oldest mum there, the younger ones are always complaining about the lack of sleep and how tired they are! I often get asked how I have the energy to do all the baking, cooking and community work which I do, whilst looking after baby!
    I just assumed it was because she's my only child - but an old friend who had two children in her early 30s and one in her early 40s says she's found the last baby the easiest to deal with in terms of energy etc.
    I also reserve the right to retract this statement in a couple of years time when she's running rings round me!
  16. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    I got pregnant (planned) at 26 and had my son when I was 27, had been with my partner 10 years but only married for 8 months when I fell pregnant (first time we tried)! I was desperate for a baby and it was all I talked about :) I sometimes wish we had waited a little longer. We bought our first house when he was 8 months and it would have been ALOT easier if we'd had the house sorted before baby came along. Saying this I have a nearly 20 month old boy and am really really happy, wouldn't change him for anything xx
  17. hdavis7612

    hdavis7612 New commenter

    I'm glad I didn't become pregnant earlier (I've just turned 36) as it took me until a year and a half ago to find Mr. Right. Before that I had had one long term relationship (7 years). This was the person I moved to the UK with over 8 years ago and the person I had thought (at the time) was Mr. Right (but as it turned out it wasn't). When we moved to the U.K. I was 28. We went our separate ways after 2 years living here (I was 30) and then I had a succession of short-term relationships ( all lasting between a few months to 1.5 years) until meeting Mr. Right. I met him in the Sept. and by Feb. we had moved in together and in the March I was pregnant having only gone off the pill in January. If I could have changed anything I guess it would have been when I met him! We would probably have 2 or 3 children by now if that was the case. However, we're besotted with our daughter, are planning our wedding, as well as a possible move out of the UK, and while we do want to have another child we're not in a rush. I know plenty of women that have had a child at 36 or older (my mum was 38 when she had my younger brother) and I don't think that it's too old.

    As far as my career goes, when I moved to the UK I had a complete career change (retail management to nannying). I was a nanny for 4 years, then did my PGCE and had been in my 3rd year of teaching when I had my daughter. I never had any ambitions for making my way up the career ladder. I'm quite content being a classroom teacher and to be honest now that I've had my daughter I'de much rather be at home with her. I'm returning to work in July, but am looking into other ways of earning an income (childminding, for instance) so I can stay at home with her...unless of course we win the lottery between now and July which is what I'm secretly hoping for ;-)
  18. Ah, you should never look back! Everything happens for a reason, I believe.
    I was in university for 6 years (5 years undergrad, including MA, then 1 year PGCE), so was 24 when I finished studying. At that point, I wanted to get going with teaching, as I was very driven. I moved up the ladder very quickly, becoming HOD of a small faculyy in a year, moving to AST status then back to HOF. I didn't want kids for a long time, then met my now husband, who is 4 years younger than me. He wasn't ready for kids for a long time. I was pregnant on my wedding day and had my first at the age of 33, my second at 34 and I'll be having number three at the age of 35 (in September!!). For me, that is the maximum age I would want to be, really. My parents had all of us (5) by the age of 27, so they're still young and it's nice that they are fit and sprightly to look after the kids! But times are different now - they were married young and neither went to uni, so were working for years by the time they were married. Mum then quit her job to help on the farm so she was a housewife/farmhand!. I have to work to pay for the childcare!
    No regrets! I'm very, very lucky that I have had no problems conceiving, so I'm not going to look back and wish things were different. I'm going to be grateful for what I have!
    Great OP, though, I loved reading the different stories of everyone!
  19. I'm 31 and OH is 33. We've been ttc for just over 2 years when I got my BFP on 25 May! Of course, I wish it hadn't taken so long, but while still child free we went on holidays that we knew we couldn't do with a baby. As some people have said, maybe things happen for a reason that we just don't understand.
  20. katycustard

    katycustard Occasional commenter

    Oh no he won't be! My OH was 52 when our youngest was born - he was 23 when the oldest was born. He is an absolute convert to older fatherhood and thinks it's the best thing ever!
    There are plenty of older parents at the school gate, alongside the very young ones too. At 63, he probably is the oldest parent at our Primary school, (youngest child is in Y6) but he still played in the parents v Y6 rounders, hockey and netball match - and that's with a hip replacement.
    Children really do keep you young. When my grandparents were old 63 was old, but it really doesn't seem it these days!

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