1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded education professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

I think I've worked out why some people can't say sorry at all.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ricjamclick, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. ricjamclick

    ricjamclick New commenter

    I think it's mainly to do with power. You have to relinquish some when you say "sorry".

    (Sorry, incidentally, if anyone out there has no idea what I am on about. i am going back to a conversation that took place about being wrong at least 10 years ago. More like 12, I think).
  2. aspensquiver_2

    aspensquiver_2 Senior commenter

    Wow. Grudge time.
  3. ricjamclick

    ricjamclick New commenter

    No! I am not going to be misrepresented!!;)
  4. ricjamclick

    ricjamclick New commenter

    ...It's just a learning thing. Realisations happen sometimes, don't they?:)
  5. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    I have no idea what you are on about.

    Sorry can be used to take power as well as relinquish it. You can say sorry and be sorry while feeling smug that you've been the bigger person and let go of the grudge!
  6. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Twelve years back.i can just about remember last week.
    I cant remember that occasion but apologising actually is a complicated thing.
    It is more about losing face, admitting you where wrong,cruel or not thoughtful and that your pride has to be lowered.Power might have a place but its also being caring enough to be repentful and hopinging if can be ignored by those you have wrong or have been wronged by.
    It takes lot of grace to forgive those who do you wrong...
    ricjamclick and sabrinakat like this.
  7. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    I am still waiting for apologies from several people on here for various insults and misrepresentations, some of which are so long ago I can't remember what for. But when someone is proven to be wrong they should apologise. Of course the fact that politicians lie all the time, are proved wrong, and never apologise is where it starts, right at the top. You are flagellating a mortified equine.
    ricjamclick likes this.
  8. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    As I have grown older I have developed the proverbial ability of a well-preened duck.

    Failing short-term memory helps
    Jamietzu and sabrinakat like this.
  9. cosmosinfrance

    cosmosinfrance Star commenter

  10. cosmosinfrance

    cosmosinfrance Star commenter

    Sorry, mucked up the quote facility there
  11. Eureka!

    Eureka! Lead commenter

    One should not apologise for being genuinely wrong; only for character flaws that you know prevented you from acknowledging truth.
  12. aspensquiver_2

    aspensquiver_2 Senior commenter

    Think everyone acknowledges that. So often British people preface an explanation, or a correction, with an apology though: "I'm sorry but...".
    It's almost second nature to do so.
  13. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    It certainly can be. I'm reminded of the book by RD Laing called Knots. People can tie themselves up in knots, for years in some cases, trying to avoid what could be a simple and sincere apology.

    Cosmosinfrance said: the ability to apologise sincerely is a sign of strength
    Totally agree. It also shows respect for the other person(s) and for yourself, therefore shows you value the relationship.

    Then there's the apology scenario, which I'm sure we all recognise, where someone is always saying sorry for doing something that they have no intention/or ability to change.
  14. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I'm always mildly amused at the way through French use 'desole' (please excuse .lack of accent) when they're really anything but desolate!
    I don'thave have much ime for apologies that start with 'I'm sorry if...' rather than 'I'm sorry that...'
    kibosh likes this.
  15. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Another one for me is the 'Sorry' that is said in a mocking, dismissive tone of voice, shake of the head and lack of eye contact.
  16. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

  17. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    Can we all agree that "I really ought to apologise..." isn't actually saying sorry?
    ScotSEN and ricjamclick like this.
  18. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    ''If I hurt your feelings then I'm sorry...''
    ricjamclick likes this.
  19. rachelpaula008

    rachelpaula008 Star commenter

    At present I apologise when -

    I've inadvertently sworn whilst driving students as part of my job. Very mild swearing though - and always because of the frightening and random actions of lorry drivers, etc when I drive on an A road. This has only happened a few times.

    I misunderstand the instructions or direction of someone who doesn't get my instructions or direction. Particularly at work, as it's a hard job. But, I don't apologise until we have gained the middle ground.

    I will always apologise for -

    Being stupid. It does depend on circumstances.....

    Letting people down.

    Getting drunk and stupid.

    I believe apologising helps you to move on. If people don't accept your apology they need to get a life IMHO. I am always genuinely sorry if I say sorry.
  20. rachelpaula008

    rachelpaula008 Star commenter

    Missed one. I am so sorry!!

    I forgot that I do that thing of apologising to people who walk into me when they're gazing at their phones. Grrrrr.

Share This Page