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I should just quit, not just my job but maybe teaching all together

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by randomgirly, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. I have had enough.
    I have just returned to work after nearly 2 months off with various mental health issues I am trying to deal with and I was supposed to be on a phased return as agreed with the deputy head. This meant that I would teach the two classes that I currently have (rest on study leave) and would get into school as early as i could each morning.
    One of the problems I am trying to deal with is insomnia caused by stress and depression. For this I have been given some very strong sleeping pills which mean that don't always wake up at the right time. I have tried only taking half but all that did was keep me awake longer and I still slept through 5 alarms. Another is social anxiety disorder and whilst I am fine in the classroom I find that the staffroom is more then I can cope with and staff meetings cause panic attacks. For this I have been given anti-anxiety drops and calming tablets. These mixed with the AD's and sleeping pills make a little forgetful and dosorientated at times.
    Anyway since I have been back I have emails from the head everyday highlighting how I am not "fulfilling my contractual duties" because I forgot to go to a lunch duty (i was with a yr13 who was about to sit her exam), was late into school and I forgot about Lunchtime detention duty. He was also snotty with me because I had to leave 15minutes early yesterday to make my therapist appointment.
    My therapist isn't really taking new clients but she is fitting me in where she can as a favour to the school nurse and my Doctor. The only other alturnative was for me to be hospitalised for 6-8 weeks which I didn't want to do.
    I have just had enough, I am trying my best to be here and do my job effectively and to get myself well but this is getting too much. I have been in tears everyday so far this week and really just want to walk out.
    I am starting to think I should just hand in my notice and leave now.
     
  2. I have had enough.
    I have just returned to work after nearly 2 months off with various mental health issues I am trying to deal with and I was supposed to be on a phased return as agreed with the deputy head. This meant that I would teach the two classes that I currently have (rest on study leave) and would get into school as early as i could each morning.
    One of the problems I am trying to deal with is insomnia caused by stress and depression. For this I have been given some very strong sleeping pills which mean that don't always wake up at the right time. I have tried only taking half but all that did was keep me awake longer and I still slept through 5 alarms. Another is social anxiety disorder and whilst I am fine in the classroom I find that the staffroom is more then I can cope with and staff meetings cause panic attacks. For this I have been given anti-anxiety drops and calming tablets. These mixed with the AD's and sleeping pills make a little forgetful and dosorientated at times.
    Anyway since I have been back I have emails from the head everyday highlighting how I am not "fulfilling my contractual duties" because I forgot to go to a lunch duty (i was with a yr13 who was about to sit her exam), was late into school and I forgot about Lunchtime detention duty. He was also snotty with me because I had to leave 15minutes early yesterday to make my therapist appointment.
    My therapist isn't really taking new clients but she is fitting me in where she can as a favour to the school nurse and my Doctor. The only other alturnative was for me to be hospitalised for 6-8 weeks which I didn't want to do.
    I have just had enough, I am trying my best to be here and do my job effectively and to get myself well but this is getting too much. I have been in tears everyday so far this week and really just want to walk out.
    I am starting to think I should just hand in my notice and leave now.
     
  3. I don't have any wise words really honey, just thought I'd better reply :) Maybe being at work is just too much for you right now. I know when I was at my worst, work was all I had. The thought of being at home doing nothing made me feel worse rather than better.

    As much as I know you don't want to go down the in patient route, it might help?? If you weren't working what would you do instead??
    xxxx
     
  4. hot2trot

    hot2trot New commenter

    I really feel for you as I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I desperately wanted to leave my job as I couldn't really do it to the best of my ability, despite my best efforts. People make the right noises and do what they have to do to support you, but in truth I felt that people weren't really understanding what I was going through. Fortunately I found another job, in a different LA and this time in FE rather than in secondary, and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember in interview that they asked me about my absence of 6 months and I told them that it had been due to post natal depression. They told me that it wasn't a problem, and that someone who has lots of odd days off is more of a concern to them.
    You must not leave your job, but take the time off if you need it. Look for another job and don't think about leaving teaching unless you really feel that you don't want to do it anymore. I really believed that I couldn't do it any more, but I could. I just needed a new start.
    One thing I do realise now is that even when I went back to work, I wasn't really fit to do the job.
    Take good care of yourself, you must heal yourself before you go back to such a full on job as teaching.
     
  5. Thanks for the reply Tladams
    If i wasn't at work then I would propably be at home working on schemes etc for next year. Need to get an entire PSHE program together for KS3 and 4 and make the necessary changes to the new Psychology syllabus (10 new case studies to learn and incorporate into schemes, new exam structure to get my head around and slight changes to the A2 modules and exam).

    I talked to my therapist about in patient treatment yesterday and have said we will see where I am in 5 weeks and then maybe do inpatient over the summer after my best friends wedding and 30th birthday.
     
  6. Thanks Hot2trot
    I was i a similar situation to this a couple of years go when I had depression due to a miscarriage. I was off owrk for 9 weeks and when I went back the HT at that school told me I had to get a new job or he would make my life at school very difficult and talked about medical and professional competency proceedures. I left that school for my current one, even moved countries.
    Now I feel like I am right back in that same situation again and really don't want to go through all that again.

    I thought going back now would be best as i only have 2 lessons a week due to study leave. But now I am not so sure and I am too embarressed to go back to my Dr to ask for more time off.
    Feeling like a complete waste of space right now.
     
  7. jonowen

    jonowen Occasional commenter

    Hi Random ((((((((hugs))))))))
    how about working part-time? That would be less pressure all round. I think it's appalling the way HT spoke to you at previous school and that shouldn't be allowed. If you can recognise similar signs it is maybe time for a rethink, but you are not a waste of space at all!
    Take care x
     
  8. Deirds

    Deirds Established commenter

    Hi
    Hope everything works out for you. If Head is pressuring you it might be better to get the doctor to sign you off. Then if you feel energetic you could prepare for next year. September is usually a more cheerful time than Summer I think.
    If you are only doing 2 lessons a week then they are not going to be badly let down by you taking the time you need.
    See your doctor. Are you in a union? Get advice.
    Hope you have some family and friends around you
     
  9. Do not make any decisions on your future, or anything else for that matter, when you feel like this. When you're depressed and stressed, you're often a lot more ill than you realise, and it's only when you recover that you realise how bad you where. It's not the right frame of mind for you to make the best decision for yourself.



    You just focus on getting better. It's up to the school to manage that properly.



    Be careful what you say to senior managers about your condition, as when I was in a similar situation, telling them I had low self esteem and was suicidal ended up biting me in the **** and they used it against me. They're not doctors or therapists so really have no need to know the details.
     
  10. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Your phased return needs adjusting - it's just too much for you at the moment.
    That doesn't mean you won't get there eventually.
    I have been through similar and know just how much strength and courage it takes just to get through the door some mornings, let alone keep slogging on with all the demands.
    Your school has a legal responsibility to make sure your return is managed reasonably, so do get back to renegotiate the arrangements - take a union caseworker with you too.
    Relapses are common and no indication that you won't eventually be successful - just give it time
     
  11. Torey

    Torey Occasional commenter

    I don't think that they are in England, so the situation will be different. Would returning to England help at all?
     
  12. Tigger1962

    Tigger1962 New commenter

    I believe that OP is based in a private international school in Europe (Luxembourg??)- so UK legislation will not apply
     
  13. Thank you all for the advice, however this it is no longer an issue as I was "Let go" on friday morning.

    No meeting, no dicussion, no reaon, just arrived at school to be told that the school had decided to "let me go" and then I was escorted off site.
    I have passed it on to my Union and have consulted an EU Employment lawyer who specialises in education (on advice of Union) who are now dealing with it.

    But thank you all.
     
  14. Oh RG, I'm sorry. Massive hugs xxx
     
  15. Tigger1962

    Tigger1962 New commenter

    Sorry to hear your news RG - it is very tough going through this when you are overseas and cut off from your usual support networks of friends and family

    Will you come back to the UK now and get support and treatment??
     
  16. Thank you Tladams and Tigger1962
    I am in the UK at the moment but I have to go back to get the ball rolling with the Union and such.
    i have got a lot of support from the staff in the school and my friends out side of school, I just really want to know why?
    If it is health related then why did no one speak to me and say that. But since my return to work I have taught all of the lessons left on my timetable (2 due to having a large number of exam groups) and told the school that by september i will have a regular therapist appointment which would be outside of school time and would not effect my ability to meet contractual duties.
    If it is due to lack of timetable for me then again why not just tell me this and talk to me rather then just send a letter i have yet to recieve and then tell me i am no longer needed without explanation????
    i am really worried though that the school will have some sort of reasoning and the union will not be able to help me. :(
     
  17. Oh heck. I am so sorry Random. You just didn't need that to add to the mix, did you?
    I hope you get proper union support. (Being unwell and teaching just <u>do not</u> go together. Something has to give.)
    Perhaps (and everything crossed) in some way this might prove to be a blessing in disguise? You might be able to see that in the future?
    Just focus on you for now...as without your health, problems tend to spiral, making you feel even worse. Relax now, get your GP onside, and be kind to yourself. x x
     
  18. Shocking! And how awful for you. At least you're out of there.
     
  19. Thank you both.
    I am staying in the UK at the moment with a friend but need to head back home soon so that i can meet with the Union people.
    They would have only got my email this morning as it has been bank holiday this weekend. I am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow but at the moment it all just seems so unreal [​IMG]
    I thought I was good at my job, I had only one unsatisfactory observation in my NQT year and since then it has been good with outstanding features mostly. My students seemed to enjoy the lessons and achieve. good grades. My lessons and schemes of work have been used in loads of schools and seem well recieved by other people. but it seems that still wan't good enough [​IMG]
     
  20. It's highly unlikely that your work performance was as variable as that. More likely they have caught you on a bad day and taken it too seriously, or that they 'don't like you' for whatever reason, and have twisted the lesson observations to enable them to get rid of you. It happens a lot.
     

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