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I need help.

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by moodhoover, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. moodhoover

    moodhoover New commenter

    My 4 year old son has always been pretty much perfect. I literally would burst with pride every day over something or other.

    It has been a significant time of change at home in the last year. My parents have both died. My husband's parents have moved abroad. My husband (who has been a stay at home dad since my son was born) got a job in November and now works from before my kids get up until after they go to bed. My daughter (aged 6) is coping spectacularly. My 4 year old son is not.

    He is brilliant for the majority of the time but since june he'll go to his room and rip off the wall paper or decide to tip the shampoo out onto the floor or say "no I won't do that, I'll do x instead".

    I know these things probably don't sound that bad written down but it's a nightmare at home. I'm worried that the shouting/tears will start to have a lasting impact on our wonderful family, and it makes me feel sick.

    My husband and I have always had good behaviour strategies and neither have misbehaved more than the norm before. I realise that there has been a lot of change in our lives but don't know how to help him or get him back to normal.

    I start a new job in September on top of it all and I know it sounds babyish, but I just want it to go back to normal!!

    Any advice on dealing with him when he acts maliciously so that I don't totally lose it or make it seem that I don't like him any more?

    Thanks for listening to the ramblings but I'm at the end of my tether.
  2. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    I'm no child whisperer?. but I do know the way to go is positive motivation. I say this as the mother who has, on occasional periods, felt like giving my 4 year old a proper smacked bum and having a shout in frustration.

    Sticker charts (cheesy I know) do work - She decides on a toy she'd like and we draw a large picture of it together and I draw a long line and acquire very small stickers that she has to earn. We agree a list of about 5 things she can do to get stickers? and if she fails she loses them. The last one we did was of an ambulance toy she wanted - and my husband said I was mean to draw a heart beat trace mega long line - It took her 4 months to complete it but she definitely improved on the 5 things we wanted her to.

    Removing a toy quietly - I know my friend uses this for her 'motley' small person. She doesn't react to bad behaviour at all - At a quiet moment she discussed the 'rules' and how the bad behaviour upset her and now simply warns them 3 times that X toy will go away until they behave then pops it up the attic hatch silently if they fail to respond. Her son has had severe behaviour problems and it does seem to be working?. even if the attic was very full at one point! She's now moved to rewarding good behaviour by giving toys back when he's done something nice or good.

    More than anything? whatever method you employ?. stick at it? there is no overnight cure and it may take weeks or months to get it to enforce.
  3. moodhoover

    moodhoover New commenter

    Thanks for your ideas. I'll definitely try anything new. I am grateful for your help, thanks.

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