1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

I just need to let it all out :(

Discussion in 'Personal' started by MrsAnon, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. (If you think you know my real username, please don't say it on this thread! Thank you.)


    Last night, my 16 year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. I didn't even know she was having sex, so it's come as a huge shock for me.


    She wants to keep the baby and I don't know how she'll cope - she's only just left school. I tried not to get angry with her but, inside, I'm fuming and I really can't see the 'light at the end of the tunnel'.


    I've met the father of the baby and think he's a lovely boy, but I didn't realise that they were dating and now I feel so stupid! I've always told that she he could talk to me about sex. I've been open with her and we've always had a good relationship. I feel like such a bad parent for not knowing what she was up to.


    She's almost 15 weeks gone and has known for quite some time. How did I not notice?


    She's such a bright girl and could do so much with her life, so I worry that she'll always be held back.


    Are there any mums of teen parents on TES? I'd be so grateful if anyone could share their experiences and reassure me that it's not all doom and gloom!


    Thank you.
     
  2. (If you think you know my real username, please don't say it on this thread! Thank you.)


    Last night, my 16 year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. I didn't even know she was having sex, so it's come as a huge shock for me.


    She wants to keep the baby and I don't know how she'll cope - she's only just left school. I tried not to get angry with her but, inside, I'm fuming and I really can't see the 'light at the end of the tunnel'.


    I've met the father of the baby and think he's a lovely boy, but I didn't realise that they were dating and now I feel so stupid! I've always told that she he could talk to me about sex. I've been open with her and we've always had a good relationship. I feel like such a bad parent for not knowing what she was up to.


    She's almost 15 weeks gone and has known for quite some time. How did I not notice?


    She's such a bright girl and could do so much with her life, so I worry that she'll always be held back.


    Are there any mums of teen parents on TES? I'd be so grateful if anyone could share their experiences and reassure me that it's not all doom and gloom!


    Thank you.
     
  3. Not a mum of a teen parent as am 21, but didn't want to read and run...
    Don't blame yourself. I am really close to my mum and she too has always said I can talk to her, but for some reason would just find talking to her about sex a bit weird! You didn't notice because she probably did a very good job hiding it from you! And probably didn't quite believe it herself. I had quite a scare when I was about 19 as I was really late, was so upset but didn't want to tell my mum until I was sure, and fortunately ended up never needing to.
    That says a lot! I'm sure that although going to college/working etc will be harder, and may take a bit longer, she will get where she wants to be in the end. And at least the boy seems sweet too and will play a part in his sons life.
    Basically am just saying try not to panic! My bf's cousin got pregnant at 17. Her dad was FUMING and didn't speak to her the whole pregnancy, caused such rifts in the family. The day she gave birth - he completely came round. He is the most doting granddad, and actually now wants her to have another 1 (aged 19!).
    Best of luck x
     
  4. impis

    impis New commenter

    What's done is done. Nothing you can do to change it. You need to support your daughter in whatever she decides to do - though i understand its hard to give up on the dreams you had for her future.
    She will remember this experience - having a baby - for a long time. Try your best to make it a positive experience for you both. Get over the sadness and allow the excitement in - you're going to be a grandparent!!!! Yay!!
    The worst thing about being a grandparent is you generally have to sleep with a grandad - who thought you'd ever end up doing that, when you planned your life years ago??!! LOL!
    Congratulations to you and your family on the extra addition to your family.
     
  5. I'm not a mum, let alone a mum of a teen parent (to that I would have to have been a teen parent myself), but I had a teen parent in my year 11 tutor group this year.
    She got pregnant in her early teens and it focused her a lot. She is a bright girl and worked really hard towards her GCSEs, as well as being the main carer for her child, because she is determined to give them a good future and not rely on benefits or the father sticking around (which he has so far). She is on target to get good GCSE grades, she plans to do A Levels and wants to go to university.
    She admits it is hard - GCSEs coupled with the terrible twos is not something anybody wants to deal with - but I doubt she would say it is all doom and gloom.
    I can't be anymore helpful than that, but I just wanted to reassure you that, from what I have seen, there is light at the end of the tunnel for both you and MissAnon.
    Maybe a chat about the realities of being a mum and a teen mum at that is in order?
     
  6. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    A member of my family was in a similar situation but her mum found out from a friend of a friend in the Supermarket! She was furious and had to leave the house for a night after confronting her daughter just to calm down.
    You can be a superb parent and not know everything, all you can hope is that the good values you have taught her will see her through life and give her the best possible chance.
    A girl who I was friends with in school got pregnant and is now just completing her second year of Uni so a baby doesn't have to mean the end to any career ambitions (just a slight delay). All you can do is be there, I'm sure it will work out in the end x
     
  7. I'm not in your situation but just thought I'd add that being a teen mum doesn't mean that your daughter has to give up on her hopes and ambitions. If she has the right sort of support she can still reach her academic potential and reach her life goals. In all probability, her motivation will be extremely high if she decides to go ahead with the pregnancy.
    I can imagine that you must feel very upset though. I've got a daughter of 24 (as well as a couple under 10) and I won't deny worrying about her getting pregnant when she was younger.
    You and your family will find a way to make this work, I'm sure.
     
  8. My mum always said "there are worse things than babies."
    Your daughter must have gone through her GCSEs with this hanging over her head. The worry must have been intolerable. If you look on the bright side at least she didn't try anything silly to 'rectify' the situation.
    Why not make the most of it now. Perhaps you could both trot off for a shopping trip. Some maternity clothes and a trip to Mothercare with a lunch break in the middle. There's nothing like first size babygroes and those little vests to make the world a nice place.
     
  9. My daughter was 16 when my now 6 year old grandson was born. She went back to school after his birth and, after a few false starts, has just completed her pre-nursing course with a view to starting her nursing degree in September.
    However heart breaking it feels at the time it isn't the end of the world - I adore my grandson and spend a lot of time with him (they stayed with me until he was 3).
    I'd be happy to discuss more personal aspects by PM but preferably under the username I'd know you by.
     
  10. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    A friend of mine got pregnant whilst at school - same age as your daughter, I guess. She too IS bright and has just - 30 years later finished her qualifications, become a grandmother herself, is still with her husband and is a lovely, though unconventional looking person. I've only recently got back in contact with her. She never wanted a second, has been a good mum, has a lovely son and has worked hard to get where she is now.
    Life is not all doom and gloom. Certainly it's a shock for you. I wouldn't expect my mum to have known EVERYTHING about my life, and I doubt I'll ever know everything about my daughter's. The shopping trip sounds a lovely idea. I'm sure you'll work all you need to, out in the end. Be motionally supportive of her and enjoy being a grandma. All that spoiling then handing back you get to do. LOTS to look forward to. :))
     
  11. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    There are advantages to getting the sprogs out of the way before you are old. I am sure of it. Health, reduced BC risk, knackeration, less of it, plenty of years to please yourself after they have flown the coop.
    Probably more too.

     
  12. Ah, it must be a shock to you and it'll take time to sink in. You have my sympathies.
    You're well aware of the negatives, so let's focus on the positives:
    - At least you've met her boyfriend and have a fairly good opinion of him. Sadly this is not the case with many boyfriends of teenage girls- imagine if he was a real bad 'un you wouldn't want your daughter to be dating, let alone be pregnant by...
    - At least she has just been able to complete here GCSEs so she will always have those qualifications, things would've been much more complicated had this happned exacly a year ago.
    -She's got a sensible mother who she's felt able to tell, and no doubt once you've accepted it, you'll do all you can to help her think through her options and entitlements and be there for emotional support.
    -A bit contraversial perhaps, but when I had a miscarriage last year (age 30), after planning my life oh-so-carefully waiting to be married, living in a big family house with a family car and in a career with good maternity benefits, then taking another 9 stressful months trying to conceive again, I had many moments when I wished resentfully that I'd just thrown caution to the wind and got pregnant as a teenager, if that had been my only chance to have children then I'd have just done it. Luckily, (touch wood), I'm 19 weeks pregnant again, but I kind of still have the same opinion... at least your daughter will definitely have a child and the chance to become a mother, and you'll experience being a grandmother.
    - On my PGCE course there was a lady in her 20s. She had got pregnant at 17, then got married and had another, then got a job as a TA and studied her degree part time so she could do teacher training. There are different ways and routes to getting into a career, in some ways your daughter can get the child rearing done while she's young and full of energy then still have time for a career while she's still relatively young.
    I hope you don't think I'm making it sound all milk and honey, I really do sympathise, just wanted to try to cheer you up.
     
  13. I know it is not what you envisaged for your daughter- but it could be worse.
    Your daughter will need a lot of support - having a baby is hard, let alone at such a young age. Having unprotected sex can seem such a minor thing but has such massive implications- anger won't get you anywhere. You may be disappointed but your daughter will be frightened and may feel alone. She needs you more than ever.

    It does not mean the end of her life- she can still have ambition, goals and a career- she will just have to go about it a different way.

    I have worked with a young parents group at our local childrens centre and it may be worth her paying a visit. All the girls who attended were very caring young ladies.

    Good luck, and you will get through this together- you are not the first, you won't be the last.
     
  14. Yes, that's my experience of having children young (although not a teenager). I also had a couple of children as an older mum and it is a very different, although still lovely.
    I had a student who had a child at 16 and another at 18. She was by far and away the best student I've ever taught. She has gone on to have a career in the music industry (production) and is making quite a name for herself. She couldn't have done all of that without the support of her lovely family though.
     

Share This Page