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I feel so lost...

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by badjelly, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. I didn't know what forum to post under. I completed NQT induction at Christmas - was really proud of myself for completing the year and passing as it was soo hard. I went to the doctor's last April as I felt so stressed and was crying all the time - he told me to keep going - had 6 not very helpful sessions of councilling. I asked to be reffered for more (as an insurance in case I needed it). Have never heard back and have just been getting on with it.
    This term has been really hard - I thought I had some balance in my life (I walk regularly and do yoga) but I really don't know how much longer I can do a 6 day week (planning on sundays) and work after school (and that is just to get the basic minimum done - planning, marking, SEN and CP stuff. Am sick of talking about it to family and friends- feels like the record is stuck- they try to help but nothing makes it any better. I have tried to seek out support from school - but everyone is so busy with their own stuff - when I did get to speak to someone they told me it takes 3 years to find your stride in the job and that serious prioritising only happens when you have kids (i don't). I had a good mentor during NQT year but am feeling impact of having no support since Christmas.
    The children still give me joy and make the job worthwhile - so that is something, but am questioning whether to stay in teaching. I only have a contract til the Summer - don't know what notice I would have to give to leave before then as it is not written in my contract Feel my health is suffering physically and mentally due to the imbalance in my life. I have shoulder and back problems that never go away and when holidays come like now - i crash with tiredness and the realisation that the rest of my life consists of nothing cos I have had no time/energy to put into the other things I enjoy (ed). Am sorry to moan...I just read someones post on how to spot a nervous breakdown and i identified with it - feel like I keep going like a trouper til something horrible happens to stop me - and that is not a goodlook!
    I did PGCE at 37 and so have done lots of other jobs before - I have never felt like this - thought I would come into the job with perspective and experience and would be able to handle it well. I am quite tough and resiliant - or so i thought. I do have good days where I feel it's ok and i have a handle on it but can invest 2 more years til things get easier? do they ever get easier?
    Thought I would be a good teacher - I worked with children before I trained and love their energy but I hate all the scrutiny/judgement/ competitiveness in the job. I have actively sought advice from colleagues during NQT year but feels like no-one tells you how to manage workload effectively (what you can afford to let slide and what is essential). Got told my lesson was inadequate from pre-ofsted this week which was the first time I had had less then satisfactory and not what i needed to hear. Anyway will make appt with a physio for my back tommorow- but need a plan b or some perspective.
    Sorry for ramble - any advice greatly appreciated.
     
  2. I didn't know what forum to post under. I completed NQT induction at Christmas - was really proud of myself for completing the year and passing as it was soo hard. I went to the doctor's last April as I felt so stressed and was crying all the time - he told me to keep going - had 6 not very helpful sessions of councilling. I asked to be reffered for more (as an insurance in case I needed it). Have never heard back and have just been getting on with it.
    This term has been really hard - I thought I had some balance in my life (I walk regularly and do yoga) but I really don't know how much longer I can do a 6 day week (planning on sundays) and work after school (and that is just to get the basic minimum done - planning, marking, SEN and CP stuff. Am sick of talking about it to family and friends- feels like the record is stuck- they try to help but nothing makes it any better. I have tried to seek out support from school - but everyone is so busy with their own stuff - when I did get to speak to someone they told me it takes 3 years to find your stride in the job and that serious prioritising only happens when you have kids (i don't). I had a good mentor during NQT year but am feeling impact of having no support since Christmas.
    The children still give me joy and make the job worthwhile - so that is something, but am questioning whether to stay in teaching. I only have a contract til the Summer - don't know what notice I would have to give to leave before then as it is not written in my contract Feel my health is suffering physically and mentally due to the imbalance in my life. I have shoulder and back problems that never go away and when holidays come like now - i crash with tiredness and the realisation that the rest of my life consists of nothing cos I have had no time/energy to put into the other things I enjoy (ed). Am sorry to moan...I just read someones post on how to spot a nervous breakdown and i identified with it - feel like I keep going like a trouper til something horrible happens to stop me - and that is not a goodlook!
    I did PGCE at 37 and so have done lots of other jobs before - I have never felt like this - thought I would come into the job with perspective and experience and would be able to handle it well. I am quite tough and resiliant - or so i thought. I do have good days where I feel it's ok and i have a handle on it but can invest 2 more years til things get easier? do they ever get easier?
    Thought I would be a good teacher - I worked with children before I trained and love their energy but I hate all the scrutiny/judgement/ competitiveness in the job. I have actively sought advice from colleagues during NQT year but feels like no-one tells you how to manage workload effectively (what you can afford to let slide and what is essential). Got told my lesson was inadequate from pre-ofsted this week which was the first time I had had less then satisfactory and not what i needed to hear. Anyway will make appt with a physio for my back tommorow- but need a plan b or some perspective.
    Sorry for ramble - any advice greatly appreciated.
     
  3. So sorry you are feeling so low.
    I haven't any advice really just wanted you to know that someone cares.

    You need to make a plan eg stop working at a certain time and have some me time! Minimise your planning and start to enjoy your week-ends

    Relax as much as you can this half-term.
    Which age group do you teach? I might be able to help with resources.

    Don't give up yet, if you enjoy being with the children I bet they feel the same about you. Have faith in yourself.

    Sorry not much help!!!
     
  4. thank you magmac :) it makes a big difference just not to to feel alone with it - thanks for responding. I will make a plan bout leaving at a certain time - am teaching year 3

     
  5. Sorry to hear you're feeling like that. Just wondering though, I know you say it feels like the job is compromising your health, but have you thought that maybe it's more of a vicious cycle- it sounds like you've been feeling down for a while and that prevents you coping with the demands of the job, which then makes you feel worse. It might not be as straight forward as 'im just not cut out for teaching'. It sounds like the negative feedback you got has really kicked you while you're down, and that's just the point- if you were feeling on top of things mentally and emotionally it probably wouldnt be such a big deal or affected you so much.
    Just wondering if you're on any kind of medication or antidepressants? If you've been feeling like this for a while it might be worth considering?
     
  6. maybe you are right - not on any medication but whole pgce then nqt has taken it out of me...and kicked me when i down - gonna go doctors for my back and take it from there - thanks for the reply
     
  7. chuk

    chuk New commenter

    To OP......I taught in primary for 3 years, and found it to be harder than secondary. In terms of the lack of non-contact time I would say that primary would be challenging enough for anyone! I taught in Adult education in the evenings in order to partly pay my way through university. I remember there was a lecturer there who always used to say to me, "are you sure you want to go into primary education!"

    Obviously, I am not for one moment suggesting that you give up. What you need to do is put things into perspective, and try to get some balance in your life. It is just a job. Working too long after school and taking too much work home is a mug's game. I did it in the first year, when I came to London in 1999. I used to come in at 7am and leave at 6 every day. I used to work on Sunday also. On top of that, I worked at a local secondary school on Saturday mornings in order supplement the meagre NQT salary! However, after the NQT year, I could not keep up the pace. I still teach, but pace myself!
     
  8. Hope you are feeling more positive today?

    Sorry can't help you with resources was always EY.

    Thinking of you.
     
  9. thank you - on way to doctors - hope they are helpful and don't just send me away :) it's nice to have a mini rest at least.
     
  10. Hope the doctor was helpful!!
     
  11. Just wanted to say hi and hope you get some respite soon. It can be very overwhelming, I know. Be kind to yourself. The hours you are putting in sound like too many to maintain long-term. Maybe try to find a sympathetic colleague who can advise or even just empathise? You sound very committed. Lots of luck.

     
  12. As someone coming to the end of their teaching career (but hopefully not life!) I really do feel for you, and it makes me angry that something so wonderful as teaching "costs" so much in stress and c r a p - i have some resources that may help re-balance things - please contact me via messages if you would like more information. Do hang on in there! There are better ways - if you look for them

    John
     
  13. Final straw
    Sorry ( but kind of relieved) to hear of others feeling the same as me. I am about to hand my notice in after 20 years and an inadequate lesson which was the final straw. Have battled on for last 3 years feeling rubbish and whatever 'support' I had made no difference. I was off for 3 months, went back, had an observation during my back to work induction, then another obs 2 months later.
    I have good and bad days but more bad now, so thought it was time to get out. I'm sooo tired and not having any proper time off in the evening or at weekends. Dr not helpful - just gave sleeping tabs which I'm unwilling to try due to possible addiction (it says on the bumf).
    Good luck to everyone still in the classroom but goodbye too.
     
  14. I have a lot of the feelings the OP describes.
    In my probation year I didn't have the best support. The following year I was in school with lots of behaviour probs and a new head so again, I felt like I was trying to do my best but with little help or much of a clue whether I was doing anything right. This is my third year and third school; suddenly I'm under a lot of management scrutiny and, although I'm not out-and-out criticized, every uncrossed t or undotted i is pointed out to me.
    I don't think I am up to scratch in terms of my planning and my general understanding of how to run a class. I don't mean in behaviour terms, I have no issues there, just in organising my timetable, and pacing and progression. I did teaching as a postgrad, and really feel like there's a gulf between what I know and what most BEd's know.
    I feel like I try to make a start on tackling lots of different things, then never actually get anything completed to a decent standard. It's getting to the stage where I see my workload as insurmountable and I dread going to school most days. I got home today and cried for the best part of an hour because I just feel like I'm drowning. Surely by halfway through my third year things should be getting easier and I should feel more on top of stuff? I am wishing my life away counting down to weekends/holidays. And whereas I used to go back after the hols recharged and feeling ready to be more organised and try again, now I dread returning and felt close to depression at the end of Christmas.
    I've never been a quitter and really can't imagine chucking it all in, but it's getting to the stage that the only thing getting me through the days is researching other jobs in the evening.
    Sorry that this is absolutely no help to the OP, just needed to get it all off my chest, my poor boyfriend doesn't know what to do about the blubbering mess he sees every evening!

     
  15. Hi Badjelly. This is the first time I have read the TES forum, I am on it today as I feel exactly the same as you, and am at a point where I need help and am looking to see if anyone else feels like this.
    I read your message and felt like it was something I had written - I feel exactly the same. I am and NQT and working so hard just to do the bare minimum. People say why don't I just work less, as if I have the choice - but I don't as there is always so much to be done, planning, marking, reports, parents evenings. None of this is optional.
    I couldn't stop crying yesterday and today, and have decided to call in sick tomorrow and go to the doctor to try and deal with this. I was interested to hear how you got on.
    I am open to therapy but reluctant to take anti depressants. I feel like this stress and depression is something I need to fix through changing my attitude and lifestyle, otherwise I'll be on antidepressants for the rest of my life - if I continue teaching, that is. I am 30 and have also worked in other professions - I thought they were stressful at times, but they were nothing compared to this. Every other part of my life has suffered as a result, not least my relationship and my social life. I'm too busy to socialise in the week, and too tired to do anything on the weekends. I've said no to so many invites that people don't bother asking me any more.
    Anyway, I hope things are better for you.
    Let me know how it is all going.

     
  16. Hi Lemongreen,
    I only just saw your post - I hope you are ok. I ended up being signed off for nearly a month. It took me about 2 weeks to stop worrying about school, what people would think etc.... I had to get out of the city to really switch off. I have been trying to distract myself from all thoughts of work and and future - hoping that with a rest i will gain perspective. I am going back tomorrow and don't know if I am ready but will try - one day at a time.
    My doctor was very supportive - but I don't feel I have any strategy in place. I tried medication but it made me feel too sick so I didn't continue. I have the same reservations as you about taking anything. Am waiting for counselling appt - but it all depends who you get...i had some sessions last year but it didn't really help.
    I don't have a plan but I will do my best to get through the week. Am thinking worst case scenario is if it is all too much just think about stopping for good. Will re-think at easter.
    How did you get on at the doctor? I hope they listened to you - it sounds like you may need some time off too. I know it is so difficult to take time when you are on your NQT year - I felt I had to push through whatever the cost to make sure i passed- which i did but maybe i am paying the price now.
    Not sure if this has been any help to you, I just wanted to say am so sorry that you are feeling this way - let me know how you got on this week and I hope things are a bit better.


     

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