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I feel like it's all gone wrong this week.

Discussion in 'NQTs and new teachers' started by FlapDoodle, Nov 8, 2011.

  1. I'm sat here crying right now I just feel so overwhelmed. I still have
    marking and planning to do for tomorrow but I feel sick to the bone
    when I look at it. I am a mature NQT, I have had jobs involving very
    long hours and a lot of resonsibility in the past, but this might just
    break me.
    I have realised that I am never going to get through all the
    work I need to for the year 11 exams in January, and I've mislaid two
    year 9 assessments due to teaching in 5 rooms in one day - somehow
    they've got mixed up with someone elses work and I just can't find
    them.
    I am just going to go in tomorrow and confess all and ask for
    help - I simply can't carry on like this til July. I feel constantly
    sick and I can't sleep at all, I'm constantly on the verge of tears in
    school and most of all I'm crippled by a fear that I'm messing up these
    children's chances. I swing between feeling angry with myself for
    being incompetent and angry with the situation where I am left virtually
    unsupported with no-one to discuss long-term planning etc with, which
    is how the year11 situation happened - I'm pretty sure no-one knows how
    behind I am with them.
    I don't know what I expect to get from this - just feeling really alone at the moment and like I've really let down my pupils and my school. I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong school or the wrong job, but I know that no job should affect my quality of life so much even if it's a vocation, not just a job. I just can't let go of school at the end of the day.
     
  2. Please don't feel like you are alone- you had a bad week and everyone has those! You are a great teacher I am sure and the fact you are taking it home just shouts that you care about your job, which is brilliant! But you shouldnt be so swamped that you cannot cope or possibly do it all? What is your mentor doing to support you?
    I had one of those weeks before half term- I cracked and screamed like a banshee at my children, something I horribly regret. I was reprimanded and it has made me think that it will not beat me (even though there are a million things going wrong else where in my life now as a result of feeling overstretched). Use it as a learning curve- you may have messed up now, but you will be super over organised now as a result if you are anything like me! (Tell me once, never more than that)
    As for being in the wrong job, we all think that. My planning is atrocious but its a learning curve, and we just need to keep our heads above water, because we didnt go through all the training, the awful placements and the first half term to give up now.
    But you are most definitely not alone. And the school should be supporting you, so get onto them! But most of all, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE JOINED A UNION!
    Keep going, you have survived this far!!!!!
     
  3. Thank you Little Miss Boop, you have made me feel a bit better, no mean achievement at the moment! I know what you mean about all the things going wrong elsewhere too, it's so frustrating. I don't want it to beat me, but at the same time I know what sort of person I am - not one that is good at letting go of stuff. I'm not sure I'll ever get the right balance.
    My mentor is lovely but new to the role and new in post, and I think is struggling too! We have a meeting tomorrow where I will spill my guts hopefully without crying. The school are starting to pull their finger out a bit but my CPD has been non-existent and no-one's looked at my career entry profile yet although I keep offering it to people. I've been told to write my own targets and hand them in. I have started to get noisy about stuff that needs doing though, and things are moving although slowly. I had a meeting at the beginning of September where I was given specs and schemes of work but since then have been pretty much left to my own devices.
    Oh and I've been union (although not teaching union obviously) since I was 17, younger if you count picketing on my dad's shoulders! It's a big thing in my family.
    Sincerely though, thanks for your reply - I was feeling so low and it has helped to know that others have survived this sort of setback (my rational brain knows it but it's on strike).
     
  4. What subject do you teach? my year 11s are doing an exam in Jan also, so wondering if we teach the same subject as I have loads of revision stuff. I teach History
     
  5. Flapdoodle -
    DON'T be so hard on yourself. I am also a mature NQT who failed first term due to complete lack of support in school, which make me very very anxious. So much so I had to have counselling and after 18months have landed my next NQT position in what is a very supportive school. This had made a major difference to my outlook on teaching.
    Firstly - prioritise what you need to do. Some jobs just can't be done as there aren't enough hours in the day.
    Teaching does very quickly take over your life. However, the more experienced you become the more confident you are at planning etc. Have you got any friends in a similar position to you. I trained with a lovely cohort and we are still friendly and we share each others plans and ideas. If you are not getting the support at school maybe contacting them might help with planning.
    I would strongly advise you to speak to your mentor, if no mentor then go to you LA for help. They are there to help you, something I didn't realise at the time I was indifficulty.
    Additionally, the teachers support network are excellent people to talk to as they help to put everything into perspective.
    Please don't get into the state I was in. There are excellent schools out there that support NQTs. What I have found is that being mature and having skills from previous jobs make people think you are more confident and experienced in teaching than you really are. You are an NQT and you are entitled to the fully support of your school.
    I sincerely hope this helps you to feel that you are not alone, because unfortunately you are not the only NQT in this position. Try and stay positive and remember you CAN do this or you quite simple wouldn't have passed your training.
    Good luck

     

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