Before I start, I'm not a new poster but I didn't want this post associated with my username, and my new username bears no resemblance to my real name. I don't know why it's so hard for me to write this, but here we go - I'll be 40 soon and I'm still a virgin. I had a Catholic upbringing and so, until the age of about 19, I thought that I wanted to save myself for marriage. At 18, I went off to uni and realised that there was no shame in having sex before marriage so I started dating. I've always been quite a shy person so I found it very difficult to get 'close' to boyfriends and often ended the relationships after a few weeks or they dumped me because of the lack of sex. After leaving uni, I moved away to find work (not teaching at this point), which meant leaving my friends behind and finding new ones. I didn't want to look 'strange', so I told any new friends that I'd had quite a few relationships in uni and told old friends that I'd been out with a few men in my new area. Over the space of 15 years, I'd lived in 12 different towns/cities and so I was able to carry on with the lies. I've been living in the same town for 3 years now and I've made some really great friends (and met some potential dates) but I'm just too afraid to open up to anyone. The longest 'relationship' I've been in was about 6 years ago and he dumped me when I eventually told him that I was a virgin as he wasn't "looking for anything serious" and so he didn't want to be "responsible" for taking my virginity. I'm seriously considering just going out to a club and going home with any half-decent bloke. Maybe if I just lost 'it', I'd feel more confident about having a serious relationship? On the other hand, I feel like I've waited too long to just sleep with a stranger. I don't know why this is all coming out now. It's probably because I'm tired and lonely right now. I just want to hear what people think - should I stop making a big deal out of sex and just get with it, even if it's with the 'wrong' person? Should I wait for a serious relationship? How can I build my confidence? As arrogant as it may sound, I've been told that I'm attractive and I seem to have no trouble getting male attention, but I feel as though as though I physically can't let myself get to close to anyone. I'm sorry if I've made myself sound like a stupid teenager, I'm in tears writing this as I'm just so fed up of feeling like ****. Thank you for reading.