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I don't know what to do!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by chocolate_cupcake, Apr 25, 2011.

  1. Hello all,
    I moved down south with my now ex-boyfriend in June 2008. I was doing teacher training, he was starting training in finance. We lived together until January 2010 when we split up. He split up with me, but looking back I can see why as, for some reason (still not quite sure why!), things weren't going well.
    I 'got over' it all about six months - 1 year later and am quite happy in own flat. I have a good job and have lots of lovely friends. I have recently been on 4 online dating dates, 1 of which went quite well and I am considering meeting him again. However, my ex announced it is likely that he will be moving to Australia in August. For some reason, I feel really upset and have spent quite a bit of today in tears. I just feel like everyone close to me leaves - my parents live a 7 hour flight away, my brother lives in China. When my ex and I split up, we always said "we'll see what happens in time". I have tried convincing myself many times I don't want to get back with him, and when I meet up with him (not very often, but we occasionally meet for coffee to catch up) I feel like breaking up was a good decision, but I'm now wondering whether I'm trying to convince myself not to like him in that way anymore.
    Should I tell him how I feel about him moving to Australia? I really shouldn't be so upset about it and I feel silly for feeling this way! Also, I keep comparing the dates I have been on to him. I know I shouldn't do this but I can't help it. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. No. It's natural to feel the loss of someone you have been close to (imagine how you would feel if a close friend was moving so far away) but it doesn't mean you still love him. Besides, what would you hope to achieve by such a thing?
     
  3. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Yes. And it's always so much more painful when the decision is made by other's and 'never' by ourselves. It feels like abandonment. Like they are the ones always calling the shots and going off to pastures new.
    But you can call a few shots of your own. Pastures new can be right on your doorstep.
    I know it's hard not to make comparisons, but try not to compare how you felt (warm, loved, cosy, intimate, known etc) in a LTR with a date. A date is very much a stand alone feature. If you want to, as you say you do, see what a second date might bring. That can lead to third. A fourth. etc.
     
  4. No, don't tell him, it won't change anything. Yes you are upset, that is perfectly natural. Even years on from a finished relationship we can still feel twinges or huge upsets when the other person's life moves on in a big way.
     
  5. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    That was to Airy's post.
     
  6. Richie Millions

    Richie Millions New commenter

  7. My thoughts exactly Richie!
     
  8. Thanks everyone.
    I am feeling a bit more positive today. I have decided to go out on a 2nd date with the guy I got on well with as you can't really judge much from a first date, unless it is really bad.
     

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