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i can't sleep!! :(

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by LimboBimbo, Apr 26, 2011.

  1. LimboBimbo

    LimboBimbo New commenter

    I don't know if this will help, but it's an idea...
    I keep a pad and paper by the bed, so when I wake up in the night with five million things to do the next day, or those "I mustn't forget to tell x this", questions, ideas etc etc, I can jot them down on the pad and try to go back to/get some sleep. For me, the writing down part lessens the anxiety as I know I won't forget to look at the pad in the morning and address these things when it is daytime.
    Also, I've downloaded a great app on my smartphone called Relax and Sleep, it's useful for nights when you think you are the only person awake in the UK.
    Good luck, I've been given 28 zopiclone tablets at 7.5mg to take the edge off the worry about falling asleep, and find that getting that good night (chemically or preferably otherwise) lessens the stress and anxiety at the start of the day.
    LB x
     
  2. The symptoms you describe seem similar to those suffered in workplace bullying situations. Often the bully seems to the person that they are targetting to be incompetent and the target finds it very difficult to imagine themselves as a target of bullying. They as questions of themselves along the lines of "what else can i do to prove myself", they take on all the extra duties asked and they continually make allowances for the bully's inappropriate behaviour.Nothing of worth that they do gains approval however menial tasks might be shown inappropriate approval.
    If the department is falling apart, then the chances are that your boss will be blaming yourself and others for the problems and suggesting to the SMT that the department is only holding together because of their leadership.
    I might be well off the mark but i would suggest that you read at least the first post of the following threads.

    <h3>Once
    upon a time there was this brilliant teacher who seems to have lost the
    plot. - The rumours that he wasn't coping must be true.
    </h3>
    <ul class="initial_items">[*]
    <h3>
    Is your boss a psychopath or a narcissist
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    Schools - Churches - Mostly good people. - an ideal environment ?
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    The most dangerous bullies 'bully by stealth'
    </h3>

    [*]<h3>Staff Turnover</h3>[/LIST]
    If any of the above seem relevant, then take a deep breath, then prepare to learn what you need to do to move on. If it is bullying, then it is important that you know what to expect so that you now that your reaction / symptoms are inormal reactions to abnormal behaviours. Further, it is important that you learn first before you take react.
    By that i mean that when working in a hostile environment it is natural to go through stages - naivety(inquisitiveness)ignorance(impatience)disbelief(resentment,denial,(anger),enlightenment,change,betterment.
    If you show your cards too soon even by the way you react because you know what is actually happening, then the bully can change tactics and victimize those they see as a threat. It is important to make changes carefully so as to protect yourself, gather evidence, and rebuild broken communications within the establishment.

    Finally, all this might be totally off the mark & if it is, then i apologise for wasting your time -- Of course, it might be relevant to other readers.
    Regardless -- take care of yourself first - without your health, you cant do your job.

     
  3. Is there anyway you would feel able to talk to your HoD about this? Help him help you?
     
  4. While talking to your HOD might be sensible, if you do, be prepared for the HOD projecting their shortcomings onto you.

    If it is bullying -- your HOD will not be surprised that you want a meeting to talk things over and will likely be prepared to convince you to accept blame for things that are wrong but which have been caused by the HOD.
    Regardless, take a little time to understand psychological projection


    <h3 class="r">Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia</h3>
    Bullies use projection to protect themselves -- by being able to recognise it is very important.

    If bullying is the problem here, then asking for a 'clear the air' meeting can act as a trigger for the bully to change tactics and to move from a manipulation type of bullying to a victimisation situation because the manipulation stage stops working and they fear exposure.

    I'm not saying that a meeting isn't a good thing, just to be prepared for the unexpected and possibly a suggestion that you aren't up to the job -- i.e. the antithesis of the reality.

     
  5. yes on more than one occasion i have sat down with him and
    explained to him why i'm feeling stressed, even given examples of how he
    sometimes comes across to the department, as for some reason felt
    compelled to help him out. and on more than one occasion he has said
    what i feel are inappropriate comments about smt as a way to defend
    himself. he's even cried (which was particularly uncomfortable at the
    time!). i don't really want to keep going down this road as after the
    initial 'thank you for telling me i think it's great that we can talk
    about this, don't you?' chat, nothing ever changes...
     
  6. a19pb, i hate to admit it but i fear you are absolutely right about this and i think i've been denying it somewhat, but also not really sure how to deal with it as well..
    we have had a high staff turnover over the years, apparently because of him, and that looks set to continue (one colleague has already left this year).
    thank you so much for providing those links, i'm going to look at them this morning to think long and hard about what i'm going to. i feel a formal complaint is on the cards, and with your help i can build my defences so i'm protected as much as possible. i've been avoiding it for weeks now as know this isn't going to be easy, but having this extra information to hand really does help.
    thank you everyone for your support :)
     
  7. Vampyria

    Vampyria New commenter

    Hi Zams-On reading your initial post ( I'm not contradicting what you wrote last!) but I got the impression that your HOD was basically an incompetent manager and you were suffering from the repercussions of same!
    If this is the case, I can certainly sympathise here having worked with two ( one was just inept and didn't know what he was doing most of the time and the other was only interested in herself and impressing management and didn't give a damn about the department and never 'had time' to organise this or that ) and can honestly say it was one of the most stressful times in my career! I can remember being constantly on edge wondering about what hadn't been done etc which would impact on us. The worst thing was we never got an apology for the difficulties her indifference inevitably created.
    Have you spoken to the other members in your Department? We got together and complained.








     
  8. thanks limbobimbo - i've been given zopiclone too. going to see how they go tonight, fingers crossed!
    i like the idea of a specific pad to jot things down. i try and write as much as i can down anyway as i feel it's definitely a useful outlet for me, and does eleviate the tension i feel in someways. but a 'reminder' pad is definitely a good idea too - i'll try this as well x
     
  9. hi ianthi,

    i'm so sorry to hear of your experiences too. i can't believe in this profession poor management seens to be so common! i hope things have improved for you..
    i made an informal complaint before christmas about him as my stress levels were pretty high back then too. i spoke to most of the department around this time and all of them agreed with me, and even had their own issues. however i got the sense that they wanted to keep it quiet though and not 'rock the boat'. that's totally understandable and i respect their choices, but i don't think i can just sit quiet any longer.

     
  10. A colleague and I were having problems with both our immediate line manager (competency issues) and our HT (control issues) and after trying unsuccessfully to sort things out informally we decided to meet with the HT and the Union. We now have review meetings with the line manager, HT and the Union to check on things which have improved. This has given us enough breathing space to actually do our jobs (and apply for new ones!) but without the Union I think things would slip back. Are you in a Union? talk to them for more advice?

     
  11. Like Ruthie says - stick to your union like jam to a carpet. Speaking of jam, zopiclone can leave a bitter aftertaste - stock up on some sweeties.
    I especially like those pineapple chunks if you're stopping by.
     
  12. Hi Ruthie, sorry to hear you've been (or still are) going through this too..

    I am in a union and I mentioned to my rep there were problems but I haven't gone in too much detail. With your advice though (and oldgreywolf) I'm going too now. Definitely. I've been wary of his manipulative manner for a while now, but if he's a bully (which I'm starting to suspect that he is) I'm actually quite scared about the consequences of me making an official complaint, so having them there with me will help enormously.

    Great advise :)
     
  13. oldgreywolf - lol! will stock up this evening! ;)
     
  14. The union? -- Of course they should be involved - You expect them to protect you? -- Most people in your situation would expect that they would. One question though -- Why has your HOD lasted so long? Is the union effective in your school ?

    There is a fundamental problem in bullying cases. School management generally do not want it to be suggested that they have either bullied their staff nor have enabled some staff to bully others. Managment have a duty of care which means that if they were to find bullying was a problem then that finding would imply that they had failed in their duty of care.
    I am not saying do not involve the union but i do recommend proceeding with extreme caution. If the union is ineffective (as I must admit i think might be the case here), raising a grievance (did you mention you had already informally complained?) can and usually does (in bullying cases) move bullying from the manipulation stage to the victimisation stage.
    I don't mean to scaremonger, I simply want you to be as well informed as you can be about the way things can go. A few more threads to consider :-

    <ul class="initial_items">[*]
    <h3>
    Lets do lunch said the HT and the union Reps!
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    Workplace Bullying in Schools - Good teachers are most at risk - links
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    a19pb's hotlist - Oct 09 --mainly to do with workplace bullying in schools.
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    NQT's - **** Mentors ? -- Do you realise you are being bullied ?
    </h3>

    (142 posts, 0 new )

    Remove topic



    [*]
    <h3>
    Milgam- Only Following Orders
    </h3>[*]
    <h3>
    'Kangaroo courts' -- Never ! -- Our systems are both fair and reliable</h3>[*][*]
    <h3>
    Bad Apple Bullies - Who would ever be fooled</h3>[*][*]
    <h3>
    workplace becoming unbearable due to another member of staff
    </h3>[*]
    <h3>
    Turned down for a 'post'
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    Bully HOD
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    The Bullying Myth
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    I
    think that I am supported and admired by my staff. But a Headteacher
    can never be sure of this. Any tips from other HTs out there on how to
    find out for sure?

    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    GRIEVANCE PROCEDURE
    </h3>

    [*]
    <h3>
    unfounded allegations
    </h3>[*]
    <h3>
    Unions
    </h3>[/LIST]
     
  15. Many thanks for all your advice - I contacted the union and I'm meeting with them on Monday to discuss further action. Phew!
    Now to forget about it all and enjoy the remainder of the holidays with the family :)
     
  16. Torey

    Torey Occasional commenter

    When you say you are meeting with your union on Monday I hope it is someone from regional?
     
  17. Yes it's the regional rep...
     
  18. You sound further away from the edge than you were when you first posted - great news, and now you can start to get better. Keep close to your union, follow chapter and verse with doctor's notes and take the time to relax and find yourself again.
    And be careful with that zopiclone - great stuff but addictive!
     

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