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I can’t go on

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by tiredbutstrong, Nov 12, 2019.

  1. tiredbutstrong

    tiredbutstrong New commenter

    Hi

    I’m not sure if this is the right platform, but I seriously don’t think I can go on. I started work at a school this year, where I was isolated by my department from my first day there - I’m not even sure why they gave me the job. I feel as though I don’t have a clue half the time, and I’m an experienced teacher, over 10 years. I’m left out of emails where resources are shared, those few times when the line manager actually shares resources. I teach every year and am expected to create individual resources and worksheets for every class - when I shared my concern that without resources shared, it just wasn’t possible to do that, I was told I was lazy.

    I barely sleep, I feel I work every moment, yet I don’t seem to achieve anything as I’m so overwhelmed. So behind on marking, so behind in teaching. Whilst off sick, I had thoughts of just ending it - everything. I’ve had to start seeing a counsellor since I started the role. The only reason I’m still doing it is because I can’t afford to leave financially. I’m just worried things will get worse and I’ll do something I genuinely don’t want to.

    Any words of advice? Have I become allergic to this career? Is it just me? I feel like such a failure.
    Apologies for the venting, I just can’t cope.
     
  2. sidekick125

    sidekick125 New commenter

    I am so sorry to hear that this job has made you feel like this!

    You mentioned that you are an experienced teacher with over 10 years experience, have the problems started at this school? Or were there problems are a prior school too? If everything started at the beginning of this year, then clearly it is the school. Hand in your resignation and get out, there are plenty of schools and positions. Even supply would be better than somewhere making you feel suicidal.
     
    pepper5, jlishman2158, Pomza and 5 others like this.
  3. tiredbutstrong

    tiredbutstrong New commenter

    I’ve not felt so inadequate and incompetent as I do here. I’ve not had issues with my department as I do here. I’ve been told by teachers in other departments that my department is notorious for treating its new members that way, and they don’t stay on. I can’t afford to join the gamble of supply
     
  4. Bmackender

    Bmackender New commenter

    Have you been to your GP?
    They might be able to help you feel better - even if that's just signing you off till your notice period is up. It isn't normal to feel this way and you need to concentrate on making yourself feel better x
     
  5. FriarLawrence

    FriarLawrence Occasional commenter

    Please go to your GP and tell them that you have had suicidal thoughts. That is a right-now, job-one task. Nothing else matters compared to that.

    In the meantime, please know this from someone who has been there and knows: it passes. All things pass. I promise. Just get through each minute at a time, try not to think too far ahead and just get help. Reach out to friends, tell your GP, take time to get well. Your health comes first. Breathe. It's going to be OK.

    That up there ^ is your priority.

    This next part is for when you're feeling less terrified, and have your head a bit straighter, so maybe don't read it until you've stopped panicking and having intrusive thoughts.

    But it's this: if the worst happens in any job, the consequence is losing that job. In the scheme of things, that is - honestly, I promise you - a small setback. People survive it all the time. I bet you are nowhere close to that, but it's worth bearing in mind that the worst case scenario really is very survivable. A job is just a job. It's not you. You can survive on far less money than you think. It's going to be OK.

    I really hope you feel better soon, but please prioritise your health and wellbeing first. The other stuff can sort itself out when you're more well.
     
  6. Shedman

    Shedman Star commenter

    FriarLawrence has hit the nail on the head here. Health and wellbeing come first and that's not just important for you but has effects on your partner and family. The dark thoughts you shared in your OP would have absolutely devastating consequences on those close to you and you would be deliberately hurting them with your actions. What's causing this is a job and no job is worth the anguish you seem to be suffering.

    You say that you department has a reputation for treating new staff appallingly and so they leave. In this case I would say don't disappoint them! Get out as soon as you can. As to what you do is up to you; in a more supportive school you may well find your love of teaching again or you may feel that a change of direction would be a better option at this stage. Your colleagues are desperately short sighted in that any lack of effectiveness on new colleagues' parts only causes problems for them in terms of possible lower outcomes and having to cover or produce work for cover staff.

    You cannot carry on with the way things are. Look for another job and if anyone asks you why you're leaving, tell them straight that you're going because you've been treated so appallingly.
     
  7. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Get signed off.
    Stay signed off as long as you can then leave.
    Get a job anywhere......…......ideally not teaching.
    Nothing is worth what you are going through.
     
    pepper5, towncryer, tenpast7 and 8 others like this.
  8. scout1984

    scout1984 New commenter

    I'm so sorry you feel like this. I hope you have taken everyone's advice on board and made an emergency GP appointment today. Because it is an emergency.
     
  9. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Lead commenter

    Also ring your Union. They can be very understanding around stress and very helpful. They can guide you through your situation.
    I was in your situation going back two years ago. I was signed off by my GP for almost a year and it took a long time to get better. There is so much pressure on many teachers but the job isn't worth destroying your health for.
     
  10. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    as everyone else has said, the most important thing is you. If you feel this bad, you need to get signed off. seeing your GP is your most important priority. Nothing else matters so much. when you are better, then leave. When you are well, you will be able to find a away to cope with the money and job situation, but get well first.

    Its only a job. Don't let it destroy you.
     
  11. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    Post 1.

    Yes.
    The school/department are taking the urine.
    You are being used to create resources.
    It is not you, from what you describe it is definitely them.

    I worked in a school where this was being done in another department.
    I help this person find resources online to lighten their load.

    You need to use many premade online resources as possible.
    If you are in any way criticised by the HoD, then ask to see some exemplar resources that they have created.

    For example:
    Download stuff from TES resources, tweak them a little.
    It not reasonable for anyone to object to this.

    Have you tried typing <your subject> + worksheet + pdf into google.
    always plump for those resources with answers or model student answers.

    This is not a reasonable expectation.



    I am not sure how you know this.
    But this would certainly be unprofessional.

    Sensible advie, if you acrued enough sick leave.

    I'd ignore that.

    If you can, escape.

    Meanwhile stop work at a reasonable of the evening set an alarm, go to bed early, listen to some relaxtion music and sleep.

    e.g.



    or

     
  12. tonymars

    tonymars Established commenter

    See GP now to sign sick note. Speak to your union if you have one. Much great advice here. You are certainly not alone, many have experienced similar and worse. Your school sounds like a real s*** h*** .

    I don't know if there is any more, but there should be a benefits safety net.
     
  13. MissGeorgi

    MissGeorgi Occasional commenter

    Sounds as if some people in your department have real issues. This is NOT your fault. You are on the receiving end of a nasty little clique. This is highly unprofessional and actually discrimination.
    Speak to GP, speak to HR. How hard is it to create an email thread, of the whole department, to share resources? Not hard at all!
    How long have you been at this school? Could you consider a move?
     
  14. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    Its absolutely normal to share resources thats the whole point of having a curriculum... sure we all adapt to whats on offer.
    You have done nothing wrong. If you want to you could bring in say treats to sweeten up the dept but under the circumstances maybe no.

    As others have said look after yourself there are plenty of nice schools out there.
     
  15. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    If you are having thoughts of ending it all, get help asap. Ring the Samaritans now and get to your GP asap. You mentioned being off sick before and it sounds like you need to be off again.
    I hope you have people on your life outside work who care about you - turn to them for support .
    You aren't a failure. Your colleagues sound horrible. You will find another way to pay the bills when you're well enough.
    Keep posting on here. A lot of us have been through bad times, too. Let us know how you're doing.
     
  16. tiredbutstrong

    tiredbutstrong New commenter

    Unfortunately its just me - I tried to message a few friends, but not heard back as they are probably busy in life, I do understand. I have reached out and contacted the Samaritans, who are amazing.

    The problem is, I don't seem to be achieving much after working and stressing, and I feel lost. Fingers only point to me. I have to say, I have found it difficult to understand even simple things these last few weeks - I feel like I am losing my mind.

    The behaviour is atrocious too, so in addition to dealing with staff issues, I constantly feel attacked by students - its draining. Not to mention the unbelievable amount of admin and data input - I just don't even have time for simple tasks at this rate. I have spoken to the Head in tears, but as it turns out, the school may be looking to push me out, terminate my contract. My union has been contacted
     
  17. katelewis1008

    katelewis1008 New commenter

    Go to your GP today and talk to them honestly. See what they recommend - then follow that advice. If they want to sign you off then let them.

    It's hard right now as it is all consuming and you are surrounded by what seem like unhappy and petty colleagues and an unpleasant environment but this part of your career is a blip.

    You've told us you have over 10 years successful experience. Hold on to that. You can't and won't be defined by a 10 week period in a new school.

    This will pass with support. It will work out.

    Take all the help you can get, do what's best for you at this moment and take care.
     
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Just read an article in the Guardian about teachers who left the UK to teach abroad.

    One said he'd rather burn in hell than teach in a British school.

    In the first instance you need to get signed off and avail yourself of any treatment available, pharmaceutical or otherwise. But with rest should come perspective.

    Other schools. Other jobs. Possible hard times ahead. But you can't go on like this. So don't!
     
    pepper5, jlishman2158 and agathamorse like this.
  19. rooney1

    rooney1 Occasional commenter

    Good advice above. Please go and see your GP. They are used to seeing teachers! Use your union to support you and follow their advice. With 10 years of successful teaching you will find work in a different school - if you decide to leave this one. The most important thing is to look after yourself, at the moment. If you can - share what's happening with a trusted friend or family member - otherwise use the samaritans or the education support network. Take care of yourself.
     
    jlishman2158 and agathamorse like this.
  20. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Lead commenter

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