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I can't Do it

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by MLT, May 16, 2011.

  1. MLT


    Nearly a month ago, I handed in my early return to work letter. I return on Monday. My reasoning was sound, I thought. Going back now, I would be working two weeks, have a week off and then have only 6 weeks back in before having 6 weeks off. I knew waiting till September to return, would mean I would spend the summer worrying. I really thught this was a good idea.
    I Have spent the last week crying every night. My other half will have my little darling during the day and I know she will be well taken care of, loved and looked after. But every time I think about it I cry.
    My LO and i have been through a lot in her first 7 momths. Nothing life threatening, just challenging. Without the support of my hubby, i'm sure i would have gone mad. And no, 7 days a week with her has shown me that i'm not capable of being a full time mum.
    I'm sure that this time next week, after the first day it will be ok. I just wished I did not have this knott getting bigger and bigger.
    I just needed to let it out. No one has to respond.
  2. Trudy

    Trudy New commenter

    Just wanted to send you huge hugs, it is a really big thing going back to work, not something you can just do without having fear and worries, and of course it is going to be emotional, it's fine to cry, I know I did with both of mine!
    I know what you mean, I have found it a really good balance of home/work (I do 3 days a week now) and I don't feel like just a mummy all the time (much as I love it) - it's nice to be a proper grown up with a proper job too!!
    You will look forward to your holidays with your LO and make the most of the time you have together, and you will get to be out in the real world too. I personally took a while to get my confidence back with lots of things after my mat leave - it was as if I'd forgotten how to be 'out there' so to speak, but I'm fine now (LOs are 1 and 3).
    You are really lucky that your DH will be caring for LO, knowing she'll be well looked after, and you don't have to take her to nursery/childminder on your way to work!
    Hope you get on okay when you go back, take it easy and don't give yourself a hard time if it feels weird for the first few days!!
    Trudy x
  3. Not a whole lot to say, except- you are not alone! Are you going back full time? Going back to work is hard, and being a working mummy is hard. We just do what we have to do x
  4. i dreaded returning too (had to return before LO was 4 months old) but i'm happy i'm back now. i appreciate the time i have with LO more. it'll be ok x
  5. ((((((((hugs))))))))) You will be fine. I went back in September, when lo was only 6 months old, and dreaded it. It is hard work but you can definitely do it. I hate my timetable this year but I do enjoy being at work, I was becoming a bit one dimensional on mat leave. My oh thought I was a bit over the top baby obsessive, as that was the only thing I had to focus on. At least now I have different things to talk about lol.
  6. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Never been in this situation but just want to wish you all the best. Sure you will feel a whole lot better this time tomorrow.
  7. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    I was really looking forward to going back by the time Lite was five months old, but I had the odd crying jag beforehand. And that was when I'd been in and out all the way through my maternity leave, so it wasn't like it was going to be horribly unfamiliar, either.
    I think that the best way to look at it is like the dentist - the worst part is when you're actually in the chair and that's right before it gets better - there's no point worrying in the build-up because it isn't actually happening then.
    Leaving on the first morning back will be pretty horrid, but that'll be the worst of it - afterwards I can pretty much guarantee that you'll get back into the swing of it and it won't be as upsetting.
    I ended up thinking "Well, I have to do it whether I'm upset or not, so I may as well not be upset". That helped some.
  8. Hope my comment wasn't too negative- just wanted to sympathise. I feel terrible saying bye to my LO, and often quite bad when I get home and she's so happy to see me, like I have deserted her fort the day.... but on the whole, when at work I'm fine. Would like to work part time as don't think I'm cut out to be a SAHM either.
  9. totally normal. i cried for the week up to going back when LO was 7 months old. i felt i'd finally gotten into the swing of things and thne i was *** off and leaving him. he's looked after by family and i'm really happy with being back at work, but i cried on my way to work the first few days, and then again at night because i felt guilty for leaving him.

    been back at work 2 months now and i still have the odd moment dropping him off where i want to just hang on for a bit longer, and i must admit i'm out the door pretty sharpish in the PM so i can get some extra playtime with him before bed.
    we are in the best jobs though for the excellent holidays we will get to spend with our babies!
    good luck, i actually found i loved being more 3D than 'one dimensional' (well put, jodidi!) whern i got back to work.
  10. MLT


    Thanks everyone for replying.
    No one has said anything harsh and have given me loads of support. I had a big think this morning, and we are both lucky girls. As annoying as my OH can be and yes I would like his common sense to kick in on its own, she is going to be well looked after. He may turn out to be close to a breakdown after a few weeks though!
    One of the reasons my head worked out I should go back to school now, is because I was really worried about handling the work load. The idea of taking any more time away from my LO with planning and marking sends me insane. This worry only increased my anxiety.
    I think, like someone mentioned, there will be a few more tears!

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