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I can't cope with my Deputy Head anymore-please help..

Discussion in 'Primary' started by Sweep09, Sep 28, 2015.

  1. Sweep09

    Sweep09 New commenter


    I am writing this because I literally do not know what to do anymore. I wonder if anyone has been in my situation and can they please help me.
    Basically the Deputy Head at my school is making my life and my time at school really hard and really unhappy. Everything I do she finds a fault with. Even if it is stuff that she has previously told me to do.
    She will embarrass me in briefing by the way that she speaks to me and the things that she says. More recently when it has happened I thought that I was just being paranoid and sensitive but then other members of staff commented to me that she should not be speaking to me like that and that she was not treating me equally.
    Even filling out forms in the way that she has said, she will give it back to me saying it is wrong.
    We have a yellow ticket scheme at our school (for the teachers- that is a whole other story)and she has previously been in my classroom, yellow pad in hand, sat at the back and sat and watched me teach (unannounced) whilst taking notes. That really threw me and when I got the slip, it was about my classroom being messy. Yes, it was I agree. I do need to work on that. But the point is that a lot of teacher's classrooms are messy and no one else got a slip. Besides which comments on my slip said I should tidy the shared area outside my room. I share that area with Year 2 and nothing was said to the Year 2 Teacher.
    I was given 2 class assemblies and a class presentation to do in one week and when I questioned her about it she said that the head had said that it was fine. I asked the head and she said that wasn't correct and moved one assembly for me.
    I dread going to school. I am scared to go to her for anything. I know it sounds silly but it is the way I feel.
    I have spoken to my Head (briefly and will do again today at my Perf Mgt). The Head is great but she is not always there as she is Head over two schools. I also asked her not to say anything cos I am scared that if she does it will make it worse.
    I know I sound really silly and pathetic but I just literally cannot cope anymore.
    My plan was to stay till July (or go earlier of a job came up) but the way I feel right now, I want to leave immediately and go on supply.
    Please can someone help ,me. I can't keep going like this anymore.

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    You really need some support on this - it sounds appalling and the yellow ticket thing is ludicrous!

    You must contact your union for some perspective and advice on what to do.The Teacher Support Network will also be able to help you cope - they have a helpline. Phone them today.

    It's also worth reposting this in Workplace Dilemmas, as there are people there with the experience to help you.

    Take care of yourself! X
  3. Andrew Jeffrey

    Andrew Jeffrey New commenter

    Wow! This is bullying, plain and simple. There is no place for this sort of behaviour in the workplace - you are right to talk about it in performance management. Also keep a note of every incidence in writing, together with evidence. She obviously has issues but is wrong to attack you for it. Good luck.
  4. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Hope it improves. Why don't you be less passive with the deputy head and point out firmly but nicely that you agree with her on many points e.g. the messy area, but she is requiring things of you which she isn't of other teachers and that you are doing your best and will do these things, along with the year 2 teacher, when you have time. You could also point out ath it wasn't correct that the headteacher wanted you to do two assemblies and one presentation in one week.

    Then see if things improve - if this is a daily hassle you will soon know if this made things better or worse. If it continues, tell her that she is not providing working environment for you that is conducive to you being the best teacher you possibly can be (don't ever tell her she is upsetting you) as she is not providing constructive criticism and advice in an encouraging way. And also tell her you will be noting down details of things that you do not feel are fair from that day onwards. Then pass them on to the head.

    If you were the head and you had a deputy who was making good teachers want to leave wouldn't you want to know about it in order that you could sort it out? If the head doesn't, then it's time to get out if this school if it is getting to you - to a school with a deputy head and headteaccher who do know how to manage staff. If you stay, you'll have to develop some tough skin to deal with what is someone just being mean to you for some reason or other (does she have a friend to give your job to? Or is she just horrid - she can see it is bothering you, this gives her pleasure so she continues?) . Maybe you could glance at the yellow card casually next time with some kind of joke that you were not aware she was refereeing a match in your classroom that day? Tell her with more notice you could arrange a match for her to referee? Make a joke of it - nothing she could complain about. She might start to feel her system is a bit silly and that she can't wield power over you as though you are a ks1 child.

    When someone bullies you like this you have to take the view that secrecy is the worst thing - you aid them in their mean tactics, that it can't physically hurt you, and that it is only upsetting if you let it be upsetting. Also, that no one can make you do things that are not right either. Is the deputy head responsible for your appraisal? If so,, all the more important that you make sure the head is fully informed of these strange tactics she is using.

    Positivie things= -other staff can see she is being unfair to you and the head has told you that the two assembly week was not correct- so this deputy head is shooting herself in the foot not you.
  5. alexdoncaster

    alexdoncaster New commenter

    What is this yellow ticket thing? Please elaborate as it sounds hideous:(

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